


Mobius Strip

by always_a_birthday_girl



Category: Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mystery, Post-Canon, Some time travel, some Patri-not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2019-11-03 20:56:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 46,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17885087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/always_a_birthday_girl/pseuds/always_a_birthday_girl
Summary: David tries to impose order on the multi-colored tsunami of bouncy balls that is his life, with varying results. And against the background of Kate Drama, Billy Drama, his persistent crush on Teddy Altman, and the minor matter of invading demons from other dimensions, he might also be falling in love. Or something like it.





	1. January

**January**

 

David trudges down the hill toward the raging party, his hands tucked in the pockets of his light gray suit. His lips are tingling. Seconds before, he was kissing his best friend—by accident, of course. Kissing Tommy Shepherd on purpose would be, by all rights, a lapse in judgment that would cost him the title of  _genius_ for sure. Tommy's got a lot of issues; David isn't interested in being one of them.

Right now, his mouth is the only warm thing about him. It's a minute past midnight on January first; it's frickin' freezing. David can act like the cool guy all he wants, but really, he's just cold. Bone cold and heart cold and maybe that's why Tommy ran when he realized David was accidentally kissing him, or maybe it's because Tommy's cold, too.

His mouth was warm.

It was an anticlimactic reunion at best, after months of searching for his friend. David had assumed he'd feel more triumphant, more resolved, once Tommy was rescued—but with every mutant under the age of thirty that he knows partying below, it feels more like prom night than a victory. He won Tommy back in a game he didn't realize he was playing, and he still can't figure out the rules.

He stares down the hill, a cacophony of shouts, laughter, and bad singing climbing up the rise to keep him company as he descends. The party calls him. It shouldn't be this normal. Billy's a budding god. Teddy's an alien prince. America and Noh-varr are ass-kicking space refugees who wear awesome like varsity jackets. Loki's all of those things, and older than David can comfortably wrap his head around (and his head has been Wolverine's head, so that's saying something). Even Kate's exceptional, solely because she can keep up with them.

But they're all down there getting drunk and dancing to trap music like ordinary teenagers, while David, by far the only one of them who can truly be called "ordinary", stands up here chatting with gods and monsters.

Why him?

Patri-not was trying to tell him. Whatever the entity was—is—it knew what David wasn't getting. But it also riddled up the answers in games and cryptic statements and wouldn't make it easy for him, not that anyone, ever, anywhere had made things easy for David. It—he—made it seem like David should have put the pieces together already. Like David should _know_.

David knows . . . David knows that Billy did something. Billy did something big, and it stretched out to stain Teddy and America and Loki and Kate and Noh-Varr and it even reached all the way to Bedford to sink its claws into Tommy and David, who shouldn't have been involved. But where Billy goes, Tommy goes, and where Tommy goes, David follows—like David needs another reason to be hated by Billy Kaplan. Bad enough he kissed the guy's boyfriend. Bad enough he's still fuzzy on what that means, on whether he wants Teddy or the idea of Teddy or just guys in general and Teddy happened to be there; bad enough that Patri-not kissed him and that was weird and then it was Tommy kissing him and that was _right_.

He can figure out the world pretty easily. He can describe countries, histories, social structures. He can give a general overview of economies and the free market vs. socialism and break down the issues that stretch across borders and around the globe. He's got at least three professors in his head, and although he hasn't put in the time to earn any doctorates, he considers himself tenured in the subject of life itself. Life is easy.

But when it comes to himself, he's blind. It's like he's twelve years old and spying on his babysitter in the bathroom again (not that he'd ever, ever, _ever_ cop to that). Immature. Uneducated. Doing little more than chase the humming between his legs in the hopes that it'll lead him to something.

It led him to Patri-not, to Tommy and Teddy and the team, and David's not sure what any of it means yet. But he knows it means _something_ ; everything means _something_.

He reaches the party just as it's winding down and his friends are preparing to leave. He's not disappointed. It's been a long day and he's ready to go home.

"You need a lift?" Kate asks him, her violet eyes cautious. Even after the last few weeks, the others keep him at a distance. They still don't know what to make of him.

"Yeah," he says. "Thanks."

"We're all headed back to my place. Want to come?" She starts tucking black strands of hair back into her bun; they straggle out almost immediately, follicle escapees of the Great Topknot Disaster.

David hates himself for it, but he looks at Billy. He shouldn't. He shouldn't be silently asking Billy's permission; future god or not, he shouldn't give Billy that kind of power. David isn't sorry for what he did. He's not seeking forgiveness.

Billy tilts his head toward Teddy, his hands curling possessively around Teddy's bicep and pulling his boyfriend close. His face remains impassive, but David doesn't like the look of the darkness swirling behind his hazel eyes. When Billy gets angry, entire galaxies implode in his corneas. He doesn't even realize he does it; not according to Tommy, anyway.

David's risked enough this week.

"I'm good." He scans the group. There's Noh-Varr, with his shirt slung over one shoulder, impervious to the cold, and Teddy looking cute in a t-shirt and bow tie. America, rocking the Southwest bolo and stifling a yawn. Kate, of course, in her trim party dress, high heels in one hand and cell phone in the other. Billy, still looking at David like a leopard sizing up its prey. No Tommy. David wishes he was surprised.

Since there isn't anyone else he particularly wants to say goodbye to, he gives a jerky nod and then America's grabbing him by the shoulders and they're gone. The sound of her kicking a hole in the universe is louder than a gunshot. He lands on hands and knees on the pavement in front of his apartment.

Standing over him, America cracks her knuckles. He wonders for a wild moment if he did something to offend her; then he realizes it's just America being America.

"See you later." She isn't one for fanfare; he thinks he likes that about her. The portal closes seconds after she disappears through it, and David's left alone on the sidewalk. After the raucous music and boisterous conversations, it's lonely.

He can't believe this is what over looks like.

He digs his key out of his pocket and climbs up to his floor. The hall is nearly as cold as the sidewalk outside. A wave of stuffy air hits him as he enters his apartment. The remains of his last supper—Thai and leftover Italian, both in takeout containers—are scattered over his coffee table, collecting mold. The number for Tommy's department at the call center is scrawled in the margins of his newspaper from--was it only a month ago? Or longer than that? It feels like it's been years.

He has a lot of cleaning to do. He has a lot of _everything_ to do.

He forgot he had a Metallica t-shirt (not his scene, just a gift from a well-meaning aunt), but there it is, slung over the back of a kitchen chair because ( _oh yeah, that's right . . ._ ) he'd yet to do laundry that week and it was the only clean shirt he had left. He hadn't known he'd be gone for so long when he left. But then Tommy had vanished and everything became about finding him and those last days at home were pretty blurry.

David's closet is open, dirty clothes thrown everywhere. He hadn't paid much attention when he was searching for his jumpsuit. It had been almost a year since he'd worn it. His bed isn't made.

He strips off his jacket and pants and falls, face-first, into bed. He'll sort everything out tomorrow. He'll solve the Patri-not mystery. He'll drink lethal amounts of caffeine and save the world, because he's a Young Avenger now and that's what they do.

 


	2. February

David's in a job interview when his phone rings.

He tries to ignore it, but someone (his money's on Loki) changed his ringtone to an actual ringtone, rather than the unobtrusive buzz he used to have. Now his phone feels the need to blare the "Filet O'Fish" song while vibrating manically in his pocket.

He's going to die of embarrassment.

He mutters an apology and yanks the phone out to decline, spotting Kate Bishop's face on the incoming call screen. He doesn't remember taking a photo of her making an obnoxious duck face while Billy mugs in the background, so he's guessing that the joker who changed his ringtone is also responsible for that masterpiece.

He firmly taps the red button and puts the phone away--and Kate calls again.

Scratch embarrassment, he's going to fucking _kill_ her.

"Maybe you should take that?" The interviewer's expression is disapproving, but David knows Kate. She won't stop trying until he answers. Shamefaced, he ducks from the room.

"You'd better be _dying_ , Kate." He presses the phone to his ear and finds an empty conference room to hide in, hoping he looks less suspicious than he feels. "Or in the middle of an alien attack. I'm accepting no less than an alien attack. I'm in an _interview_."

"Boo hoo." Kate sounds about as sympathetic as his landlord did while explaining to him that dimension-hopping didn't exempt him from paying rent. "You're smart. They'll want you anyway. Just say your grandma died or something."

"I'm not lying." He doesn't take the dispute farther because there's no arguing with Kate Bishop, she's a Hawkeye and they never admit when they're wrong. Better to move forward and take the loss in the spirit of getting off the damn phone in time to salvage his interview. "Well? What is it?"

He hasn't heard from the Young Avengers in weeks. He can't figure out if it's because they're excluding him or because there's nothing happening worth mentioning. He's not sure what he was expecting from this bunch, anyway; Billy hates him, Teddy has at least three solid reasons for avoiding him, America is busy saving the multiverse, Loki's busy fucking up the multiverse, Noh-varr's busy fucking everything _in_ the multiverse, and Tommy is . . .

Okay, David expected to hear from Tommy. David thought that was something he could reasonably expect from Speed. David is clearly not as smart as Kate Bishop thinks he is.

"Alright, I'm standing at this pizza place in Bed Stuy," she says, which is nothing close to the alien invasion he demanded, "I'm staring up at the menu, wondering what toppings would appeal to an immature commitment-phobe who refuses to admit he's digging me harder than our dog digs through the garbage. And I thought, David would definitely know."

"That is definitely not something I know," he says. "I can't believe you bothered me for this."

"It's important," she whines. "He locked me out of the apartment. I have to win him back with pizza or else I'm going to sleep on the street tonight. You know what happens to a girl like me at night in New York?"

"America shows up out of nowhere because she has a Kate Bishop Danger Radar like no one's business?" David checks his watch. He shouldn't take more than three minutes; he read somewhere that three minutes is the longest a person can talk on the phone while maintaining the illusion of an emergency. "Seriously, call Tommy. He's the expert on immature commitment-phobes."

"Tommy doesn't have a cell phone," she says. "Otherwise, obviously, I wouldn't have subjected myself to your utter lack of help."

"Of course he has a phone. Everyone has a phone." David's down to two minutes, twenty-five seconds. "I'll give you the number if you promise to stop making actual calls. Text messages only. We aren't barbarians."

"How come you have Tommy's number and I don't?" Kate demands. "I've known him longer."

"I don't know, Kate, that's just how it is." Two minutes even.

"Well, it blows. I've kissed him," she says. "I've earned his number."

"I've kissed him," David points out, remembering too late that he might not have told Kate that yet. He might not have told _anyone_ that yet.

Kate doesn't miss a beat. "And you have his number. You have the right. I should also have the right, considering I hit that first."

"I'm sure that isn't a--" he begins, and she cuts him off.

"Step out of line?"

He assumes she's talking to the cashier.

"I've waited for twenty minutes to get to the front of the queue—what do you mean, that should have been enough time to decide what I wanted on my pizza? This is a life-changing decision, here. Don't rush me." Her acerbic tone bites through the line, and David feels sorry for the employee on the receiving end of her tirade.

"You know," he says, volunteering information he should know better than to give, "if you really want to get back in his good graces, you should bring beer."

"I can't buy beer, I'm only twenty," she says. "I can buy a rocket launcher, but not beer. Ridiculous."

"You've tried to buy a rocket launcher?" The question is probably moot, but—"When would you ever need that?"

"I didn't try to buy it," she replies. "I did buy it. And it came in fucking useful, but it won't get me back in Clint's good graces."

One minute, twenty-nine seconds; he chooses not to press. "Don't you have a fake ID?"

"Never needed one. I'm thinking sausage. Yes or no?"

"Depends. Is this the day you finally jump your mentor-slash-horrible role model?" he asks. "Because if you're going to seduce him, sausage breath is not the way to go."

"It works for Lucky," she says, and then, "Ew. I'm not into Clint like that. You've been talking to America."

"Only once." He pauses, wondering if he should bring it up. He's got a minute even. "No one's really contacted me before this."

"Oh, that's normal," she says breezily. "I'll take a vegetarian pizza, please. Hold the onions. And peppers. And anything that might give me bad breath--do you use garlic sauce? I don't want garlic sauce."

Fifty-four seconds.

"You _only_ have garlic sauce? What the fuck's up with that? Okay, I'll take a pizza with no sauce, no onions, no peppers, no tomatoes because they're gross--yeah, I want dough with cheese on it, you got a problem with that?"

"Don't kill the pizza boy," David tells her. "It's bad manners."

"I'm not going to kill him," she says. "Oh, he looks alarmed now. Bet he didn't know I'm an Avenger."

"You aren't." Forty-one seconds; he has to wrap this up.

"Close enough. Look, while I have you on the phone, it's sort of my birthday this weekend." Kate sounds like she's reporting the weather. "It's not really my birthday, but some shit happened around my real birthday and anyway . . . I guess I'm having a party? It wasn't my idea. But everyone is going to be there and you're part of everyone now so you're invited."

"Uh. Okay," he says. Thirty-seven seconds.

"Just so you know, everyone also includes Billy," she says. "It was mostly his idea, this party crap."

"Okay." Thirty-six.

"He knows you kissed his boyfriend."

"I know." Thirty-five.

"Everyone knows."

"Cool." Thirty-four. "Is that going to be a problem?"

"Of course not," she snorts. "You aren't a true member of the group until you've macked on one of the other members. Bonus points if it's someone you really shouldn't have hooked up with, like your teammate's screwball brother or a former brainwashed enemy who's still a little shady or maybe your best friend even though you don't have feelings for him like that."

"Why do you make it sound like every one of those things happened to you?" he asks, and then reconsiders. "Know what? Never mind. You still need Tommy's number?"

"Nah, I'll just ask you to text him," she says. "Will you text him? The party's at my apartment, you guys can come together."

"He hasn't exactly responded to my messages," David says. "I'm not sure he's getting them, actually."

"How many have you sent?"

"I don't know, a couple." Twenty-six. He _does_ know. It's been three weeks, and he's sent twenty-six text messages to a guy who won't reply.

He has so many issues, he doesn't know where to begin.

"Just try again," she says. "Tommy's the kind of friend who reads your texts and then forgets he didn't reply, it's nothing personal."

"Fine," he sighs. He's pretty sure it's a useless gesture, but he'll try. "Can I go now?"

"So unfriendly," she complains. "No wonder no one ever calls you."

And he's out of time.

"Kate, I'm in the middle of a fucking interview," he says. "And I really want this fucking job because I have fucking bills to pay and you've made me say 'fuck' more times in one afternoon than I have in the last month so I hope you're fucking happy."

"Okay, okay, I'll let you go," she says. "Good luck."

"Thank you," he mutters, and hangs up.

 

 

The interviewer says he'll call back within the week, and doesn't. But whatever, jobs interviews are like first dates and David's bound to get a few duds before he makes a match.

Tommy doesn't text him back. David bounces the idea off America via Snapchat that Tommy's been kidnapped again, and she sends back a snap of a girl's bare legs in her bed and the caption _leave me the fuck alone_.

America spends most of her time making terrible fashion decisions and being Kate Bishop's drunk dial, so David doesn't understand how she's getting laid more often than him.

 _It's because she's getting out there,_ Teddy texts him. David finally broke down and messaged the one member of the team he knew would be too polite to ignore him--he can only take so many rejections. _She tries. You should go on a few dates._

David texts back that he's too busy trying to get a job to get a date, and then shares his theory that they're basically the same thing.

 _You need 2 B blown,_ Teddy replies. _Badly._

David decides not to reply to that. History is riddled with examples of all the times using sex to fix a situation spectacularly backfired; there's no way it'll fix what's wrong with him. It probably won't even make him feel better in the long run. But he can't deny how good it would feel in the moment, and how tempting it is to drown his real problems in shallow relationship woes. And what does he really know? Maybe a blow job--or at least having someone willing to give one to him-- _is_ what he needs.

The next thing he knows, it's Saturday and he's weighing the comfort of corduroy pants against the inevitable backlash he'll get from his friends for wearing old man threads. He has no idea who "everyone" means in Kate's books; just their team, or some of her other friends, or everyone she knows plus people she met at the grocery store and on the street and in her yoga class? More importantly, does he have a chance to get some tonight because if so, he's not wearing fucking corduroy pants.

He decides to err on the side of optimism and ditches the cords in favor of a pair of cherry colored Dockers.

He's early, naturally, and America answers the door. She looks him up and down slow, like she's not sure she wants to let him in, before stepping aside. Her wary eyes follow him as he ventures in, self-conscious and slow in his uncertainty.

The place isn't what he was expecting. Everyone treats Kate like a princess, and she's incapable of holding a conversation with anyone without slipping in, at least once, that her father is loaded. David was thinking penthouse, champagne, silver and platinum--not a rent-to-own in downtown Manhattan with a pull-up bar between the kitchen and living room and furniture that looks like it came straight out of the seventies.

The coffee table is covered in a paper tablecloth and confetti, and David gingerly sets his present on top of it. A banner hanging on the wall says _Happy Birthday, Katie!_ , framed by purple handprints. "Where's Kate?"

"She went for paper plates." America wanders over to the bar and starts hauling herself up, completely disregarding his presence.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asks, while the seventeen-year-old girl puts him to shame on the pull-up bar.

She shrugs, which is an accomplishment with the whole of her weight on her arms. David needs a gym membership stat.

"Okay." He sits on the couch. America is clearly avoiding conversation, but it still feels rude to take out his phone. There's no television or music to distract from the ringing silence. It's awkward.

America's bare feet hit the floor with a thud, and she comes back around the couch to retrieve her beer before flopping down next to him. She hasn't even broken a sweat.

She stares at him as she drinks, so he stares back.

"So, you're smart," she says flatly.

"Um. Yes. Sometimes." He resists the urge to fiddle with his glasses.

"And you used to be an X-Man."

"Kind of." It was complicated; mutant stuff usually is. He tries not to think about that part of his life. He left it behind when he left Jersey and Nori and all of his old friends. He's outgrown those memories.

"And now you're dicking around with the Young Avengers."

He's probably paranoid, but he can't help but feel like there's something critical about her tone.

"Do you have a point, or are you just trying to provoke me?" he demands. "Yeah, I was an X-Man. That was a long time ago, and yeah, I'm with the Young Avengers now. So what?"

"Easy, tiger," she says, arching an eyebrow. "Just trying to get your deal. I'm not used to working with a team. It's making me antsy."

"You're trying to figure me out?"

"One way or another, we're all connected to Billy." She purses her lips. "Except you. So yeah, you kind of stick out. I have no idea why you're still here."

He tries not to feel offended. "Maybe I just have a sense of noble obligation. On the other hand, it's none of your damn business."

She stares at him for another second before giving him a real smile. "Fair enough. But if you turn out to be evil or crazy and screw us over, I'm kicking your ass."

"Fair enough." He neglects to point out that he's probably both. He doesn't need to try his luck. "Am I ever going to see one of those beers?"

She points to the kitchen, making it clear he can get it himself.

He does. "You know you have a major attitude problem, right?"

The apartment door bangs open, and Kate strides in with an armful of paper bags and a party hat that matches America's. She smiles, big and bright, when she sees him.

"You're here!"

"I said I'd come." He leans in the doorway between the kitchen and living room, cracking open his beer can. "I see you've gained access to alcohol."

"America picked up a couple six-packs in another dimension." Kate drops the bags on the couch next to her best friend, still looking happier to see him than anyone has in . . . well, ever. He can guess why Kate is friends with just about everyone. "No such thing as a drinking age in Canamerica."

"Cana-what?" He must have heard wrong.

"It's a merging of Canada and America." America is digging through the bags Kate ditched, but she pauses long enough to give David an alternate-history lesson. "Happened in the late eighties in their world, because of the Cold War or something, I'm not sure. Anyway, legal alcohol and free porn for everyone."

"Canada. Who knew?" Kate takes off her overcoat and hangs it on a hook by the door, then scoops up the bags again, brushing by David to put them in the kitchen. "So I picked up a few things other than plates," she says, stating the obvious. "Some streamers and party favors and a pack of Cards Against Humanity because Clint stole mine to play with Thor and never gave 'em back. And then, because I'm super cheap and the expansion packs were all, like, twenty bucks, I texted Billy and he's bringing his. It's the fantasy one of-fucking-course but it should still be funny, plus we can hassle him for being a nerd."

"Sounds like someone's getting on board the party bus." America twists around to watch Kate, a wicked smile on her face. "We should totally hire a party bus next year."

"Or for your birthday," Kate suggests. Her tone is too innocent as she asks, "When is that, again?"

"Nice try, princess. I'm still not telling."

"Look, we all know how extra the Captain America family is." Kate waves a stack of paper plates in America's direction. "Just admit it's on the Fourth of July already so I can be right. I have a bet going with Eli that I'm _dying_ to win."

"I'm not opening the door for you to throw some ridiculous, over-the-top party when I turn eighteen." America jabs a finger right back at Kate, unimpressed by the paperware. "It's not happening, _chica_ , end of story."

"I'm going to call Lisa. I bet she knows."

"You leave my girlfriend out of it, Bishop, or I won't be held responsible for what happens next."

David can't help but grin. He helps Kate unpack her haul while the girls bicker, losing himself in the familiar role of observer. He doesn't mind being the third wheel in this conversation, at least until Kate decides to turn around and ask, "Hey, so did you ever hear back from Tommy?"

He pulls out a purple, polka-dotted disposable table cloth (where does Kate find this shit?) and shakes his head. His unease, temporarily soothed by Kate's bubbly presence, returns in full force.

"Well, I know he's alive because he keeps updating his Facebook status." Kate tears the plastic wrap off her stack of plates. "But I haven't heard from him since New Year's."

"Me neither." David's stomach turns. It's irrational to feel like his own worth is somehow tied up in whether or not Tommy shows, but Kate had said—and they all had assumed—

And David himself had thought he was special, which was clearly a mistake.

"I wonder if something's up." Kate helps David unfold the table cloth and settle it in place, oblivious to his sudden tension. "It's probably just Tommy being Tommy. I'll ask Billy when he gets here--he has a better sense of--"

Someone knocks on the door.

"Speak of the devil," Kate says, because she's old-fashioned like that, and goes to answer it. David keeps his head down, lining up the forks in perfect vertical alignment to the plates. This is the part he's nervous about; seeing Teddy and Billy again.

But when Kate comes back in, she's not with the boys.

"Greetings," Loki says, holding up two bottles of Asgardian mead. "I come broken-hearted, and in need of companionship."

America jumps to her feet. "Hell, no."

Kate pushes her back down, in passing.

The trickster god looks older than David remembers, and it's Loki so he's wearing green and fur and looking shady as fuck, but there's a time and a place for kicking people out and a party isn't it.

"Will no one inquire as to the source of my heartbreak?" Loki throws himself in one of the kitchen chairs, kicking his feet up onto the table and disrupting one of the place settings David just meticulously arranged.

"We're kind of in the middle of getting ready for something," Kate says. "Can the heartbreak wait?"

He surveys the decorations. "A party? Without me?" He clutches his chest. "Be still my heart."

"Pretty sure you don't have one," David mutters.

"You jest," Loki says, and reaches out to tweak David's ear. "I've decided to stay in the mortal realm," he announces. "You may fall down in awe at your earliest convenience."

"What the hell are you going to do on Earth?" America demands.

"Excellent question, so glad you asked," he replies, folding his hands behind his head. "I plan on writing an advice column. My brother assures me it pays well. And, of course, I'll be doing investigative work on the side."

"You're going to be a detective?" Kate asks skeptically, hands on her hips. "Where's the catch?"

"No catch," he says. "I like spying on people. It's a good fit. Also, I had to promise to be a productive member of society or else Hulk would throw me back to Asgard." He shrugs. "I'm fairly certain that's impossible, but there are some things in life not worth risking."

America cracks her knuckles. "That's if I don't do it first."

Loki ignores her, catches David's eye, and winks. "How about you?" he asks.

"What about me?" David responds automatically.

"Have you found employment?"

Yup. Loki still knows the randomest things. "No," David says.

The god purses his lips. "Want to write an advice column with me?"

" _No_."

"Worth a shot."

 

 

When Teddy and Billy finally do show up, it's not exactly the Jerry Springer moment David was expecting. Billy's a little cool with him, but Teddy acts the same as always and the others pretend there's no reason to be awkward at all, and after the first ten minutes or so, David relaxes.

They chill, pretending they aren't waiting for Tommy (Noh-varr declined in advance), and when that gets old, they sit down to eat. Kate ordered pizza, of course. She must think it's one of the major food groups.

David has . . . fun. He's surprised. They eat and talk and listen to music and play games. Teddy shocks them all by winning three rounds of Cards Against Humanity (although _win_ is really a subjective term in that case), and Loki shows them all how to twerk. America threatens to cleanse her eyes with bleach. Kate laughs until soda comes out her nose.

They all wear dumb party hats with mildly offensive captions on it. Billy's is _The Gay One_ , while Teddy gets _The Gayer One_. David catches sight of Kate stuffing one back in her grocery bag that says _Fast In Bed_ ; no prizes for guessing whose that was supposed to be.

And David feels normal, he feels bizarrely normal, and he wonders if this is what being a Young Avenger is really about; seizing normal from a world that refuses to give it to you.

It's almost midnight by the time any of them admit to being tired; Billy caves first, claiming school in the morning. He asks if he can help clean up, but Kate shoos him and Teddy off at once.

"School is more important," she says. "Let us aimless losers worry about this mess."

David is offended to be included in the list of aimless losers, at least until he realizes the most productive thing he's done in the last week is fold all of his laundry in one sitting.

He helps Kate scrape the paper plates, cups, and empty beer cans into a garbage bag, roll up the disposable tablecloth, and box the leftover pizza. In the living room, America takes down the birthday banner and Loki not-so-subtly makes his excuses and splits before anyone asks him to do real work.

"Can you take this out?" Kate asks, handing David the garbage bag. "I have this thing about alleys."

"And the rats that live in them," America teases. She's tugging impatiently at her dress, trying to get it off; David takes that as his cue to leave, the Hefty bag slung over his shoulder.

He's not expecting to find Teddy on the landing, leaning against the wrought iron railing with his hands in his pockets like he's waiting for David. David's stupid heart speeds up when he sees the shapeshifter, especially somewhere he didn't expect. He hates his stupid heart. He wishes crushes were as easy to get rid of as computer viruses.

"Hey," he says, awkwardly hoisting the bag higher on his shoulder. His cheeks flare like matchsticks. He sounds so _dumb_.

"Hi," Teddy says. He shifts his posture, crossing one leg easily over the other. Everything about Teddy is easy, laid back, relaxed. The complete opposite of David. Even his hair has more chill; it curls over his forehead in soft, blond peaks, ever so slightly guided with gel. David has to slather gallons of product in his hair the second he lets it grow beyond the buzz-and-fade.

"Where's Billy?" David blurts out, because sometimes he has zero tact.

"Waiting in the car," Teddy says, undisturbed. The thought of a wizard and an alien showing up to an unbirthday party in a car spins David's head around. "I just wanted a second. I hope that's okay."

He crosses his arms, gently straining the tolerance of his navy blue t-shirt.

"Wh-yeah, of course it's okay," David says. "It's totally okay. It's perfectly okay. You can talk to me any--well, anyway, yeah. It's cool."

"Okay," Teddy says, sounding relieved. "I was worried . . . I don't know, we're cool, right? Because I value your friendship a lot."

"Quick question," David says, shifting the trash bag again. "Did Billy send you up here to talk me into the friend zone?"

Teddy gives him an uncomfortable smile. "It might be a reconnaissance mission," he admits. "But it wasn't Billy's idea."

"Oh," David says. "Okay."

 _Okay_ is what people say when it's not really okay but they want to drop the subject anyway, because they understand some things are never going to be okay. What happened between Teddy and David wasn't okay. It won't ever be okay, but in the scope of things, it's hardly the most important problem in either of their lives and David doesn't have the words to make it right anyway.

"Okay," Teddy says.

 _Okay_ is multi-functional, and astonishingly noncommittal for an affirmative. _Okay_ can mean anything, especially when coming from the mouth of an eighteen-year-old boy.

David looks down. Teddy's wearing white Adidas. David has gray Converse. Billy was wearing boots. Shoes matter to David. They say a lot about people, about their style and personality. In David's experience, guys who wear white Adidas will break your heart. Guys who wear gray Converse will be heartbroken. Guys who wear fucking gogo boots will win.

David's experience is all of five minutes old.

"I'll be seeing you, um, around," Teddy says, and David knows what that means. He'll see Teddy for all of never, and Teddy won't even let him pretend it's Billy's fault. Because it was Teddy's idea to hang back and rub in David's face that there is absolutely no hope.

"Cool," David says, about something that isn't cool at all. "That'll be, uh, good."

David doesn't _uh_. He hasn't _uh_ ed in years. He's too smart for _uh_.

"Sorry," Teddy offers. "For, uh . . ."

"Forget about it," David says, because he doubts Teddy will finish that sentence on his own. "You seem happy, so I guess everything worked out."

Teddy frowns, and even that's beautiful. His forehead doesn't seem to know how wrinkles are supposed to work. There's a dimple in his right cheek. He's gorgeous, and David doesn't want him to be happy. He wants Teddy to be real and flawed and tempted. He wants to prove there's one thing in this universe that Billy Kaplan can't control.

If such a thing exists, though, it isn't six feet tall and giving David a sympathetic look that makes David want to crawl into the Dumpster below to meet an ignoble end.

"I should go," Teddy says. "Billy's waiting."

David nods.

Teddy goes for the stairs, then stops and looks back at David. "You should be happy, too," he says, like it only just occurred to him. "You know? You've earned it as much as any of us."

David weighs that in his mind. Somehow, he genuinely doesn't believe it. There's a legitimate argument for Teddy, Kate, America--and hell, even Loki and Billy--to have a stake at happiness. But what's David done, besides stir an already boiling pot?

"Good night, Teddy," he says." I'll watch you to the car.”

Teddy gives him a long look before nodding. He might look a little sad. David perversely hopes he's a little sad. Teddy plods down the iron stairs that look like they shouldn't be able to support his weight; David watches him reach the sidewalk, then the curb, disappearing into the soft-shadowed darkness of the car idling below. The headlights flare, catching David as the car backs up.

He raises his free hand to wave as the car pulls away from the curb. It's too dark to see if anyone waves back. The car screeches away into the night, and David heads down to the alley.

Tommy's leaning against the Dumpster.

David, taken by surprise for the second time this evening, stops in his tracks.

Tommy looks thin, pale, jittery; in his green hoodie and ratty jeans, a Peter Pan who grew up in a trailer park full of meth heads. David doesn't remember his eyes being so starkly bottle green, or maybe it's just that Tommy's skin has turned to paper.

Tommy has neon track shoes.

"Where have you been?" David asks. His shock is bleeding through in his voice; coloring his words with emotions, which he knows Tommy is deathly allergic to. Tommy is deathly allergic to anything that remotely resembles giving a fuck.

"I had stuff," Tommy says. "Couldn't make it. Sorry." His eyes flick between the trash bag and David's face. "Was it fun?"

His voice is wistful, which isn't fair because he has no business being wistful, there's no reason on earth that a boy who can warp space and time to move at sublight speeds should be late to a party. David can't imagine what _stuff_ kept Tommy away. He doubts it exists.

"Loads," he says, not quite lying. "Loki showed up. Your brother almost doesn't hate me. There was pizza."

"Sounds good." Tommy crosses his arms, glancing toward the apartment building. The light's on in Kate's window, but the lights are also on in other windows, too, and David has no idea if Tommy knows which one is the archer's.

"It's not too late to come up," David offers. If Tommy doesn't know the way, he's willing to show him.

Tommy shakes his head. "Nah, man, I gotta . . . I have stuff. More stuff. I'm busy."

"So you decided to take a break by a Dumpster?" David can't help it. He has to ask.

Tommy pushes off the Dumpster and gives David a ghostly kind of half-smile. "Only 'cause it was a Dumpster you were passing by," he says. But he flinches when David moves closer and David thinks he's mostly bullshitting.

Doesn't stop the words from speeding up David's heart, just a little bit, like Tommy can make other things go faster now, too. It's not fair. He just went through this with Teddy; can he just not feel for one night? He's pathetic, grasping at any shadow of a shot.

He grabs the small side door of the Dumpster and drags it open, tossing the garbage bag inside and wiping his hands on his pants. He doesn't think they're dirty, but it feels like something he should do.

He doesn't look at Tommy when he says, regardless of his better judgment, "Need any help with that stuff? I can do anything, you know."

Tommy laughs. Sounds like someone has him by the throat. "I'll let you know," he says, and then he's at the end of the alley, as far from David as possible in the narrow space. "I've got your number."

 _I'll let you know_ is the long version of _okay_. Guys in neon track shoes are pretty good at breaking David, too.

"Could've fooled me," David retorts, but Tommy's gone by the end of the first word.

 


	3. March

When David calls his parents, he conveniently forgets to mention that he passed up a Harvard scholarship to help a fallen god get other superheroes laid. He can't see them being very proud, although they've always been remarkably supportive of whatever he gets himself up to.

Mom says he sounds tired.

"Have you been sleeping well?" she asks. "You know that no matter what, you can come home, right?"

He assures her that he does know that. They both know he won't go home, not now, probably not ever. He knew when he packed his bags for Xavier's that it was a one-way trip. You don't go home after that. Especially not when you decide to involve yourself in mutant terrorist groups and battles for the fate of the universe. He has his little sister to think of.

And he likes being independent; sure, Manhattan is a freakin' shitshow at times but it's a shitshow he's free to watch at 3a.m. if he wants. It's a shitshow he can jerk off to in the living room, the bathroom, the kitchen--he would be lying if he said the draw of rampant masturbation isn't a deciding factor in his continued self-sufficiency.

Besides, if he were at home his family would pick up on the fact that David isn't anything close to okay and that wouldn't be cool. This way, the only one to notice his weirdness is his new _not-calling-him-a-boss_ \--and Loki doesn't give a fuck. David's not proud of himself for going back and accepting Loki's offer (his _job_ offer), but it keeps him from having to live with his parents.

And on Wednesday in the Lower West Side, when the sky falls in the superhero world and David's left scrambling to catch the clouds raining down, he's glad he doesn't live with his parents. It starts with a single murder. It spreads through the entire burrough.

"Okay, so, this Watcher dude was murdered," Hulkling says, while standing guard over David and the Hood (the short story is, David and Hulkling and Noh-varr were going to join an epic battle when they stumbled across a not-quite-so-abandoned building and the crazy guy holding people captive inside).

"Yes," David says briefly. He's coding. The Hood demanded that David build him a baby Cerebra to harness the knowledge of the people inside the building; that took, oh, four and a half minutes. Now David's doing the hard part, the part where he double crosses the Hood because there's no way he's trusting this data to a man who can't rustle up a toothbrush and some soap for himself-- or come up with a decent supervillain name.

"And everything he knew and saw--so basically all of the information in the world--has been scattered throughout the minds of everyone in New York?" Hulkling scratches his nose and glares at the Hood, who made the mistake of looking at David funny. "And most of that info is gathered in the minds of the people here?"

"Roughly a fourth," David says absently. "Tell Noh-varr to put his phone away, that stupid--that bubble click from his keyboard is driving me batshit."

"Oops," Teddy says. "That was me, sorry."

David takes a break from hiding the Watcher data for long enough to give the shapeshifter an exasperated look. "I can show you how to disable that feature," he says. "You know, because it isn't 2011 and having a phone that makes noises is no longer cool."

Teddy rolls his eyes, and then his phone pings.

David raises his eyebrows.

"I'm silencing it," Hulkling insists. Judging by the way he looks at the screen, a bashful smile spreading over his face, it's from Billy.

David goes back to his numbers. He does not hate Billy Kaplan, he reminds himself. He does not hate people in general, as a rule. As someone who's been inside more heads than he cares to count, he knows the dangers of judging people before you walk a mile in their shoes. It's not Billy's fault that he gets the happy ending and David gets the door prize. It wasn't Billy's choice to become the master of everything while David gets the sum total of nothing, nothingness, _becoming_ null. Billy did not ask to be Wanda Maximoff's Hail Mary. Hating him fixes nothing.

But David can resent him. He can feel jealous, and does. Billy has Teddy and the team and the whole universe rooting for him, and David has a secret and a lot of betrayed friends and a speedster who took off on him. It's been twenty-three days since Tommy said he'd be in touch and wasn't; twenty-three days isn't a whole lot of time but it's long enough for David to get the message. Tommy's ditched him, or been kidnapped again, or just plain doesn't want to be around. If Tommy wanted to be in David's life, he would have contacted him by now.

Despite his best intentions, David kind of, sort of, in a roundabout way mentions that to Teddy while they wrap up the Hood situation.

"Speed?" Hulkling says. "He's just like that. Free-spirited. He'll be back when he wants a family again." He shrugs. "It's a pity you lost all that data from the Watcher, though. I bet he saw a _lot_ of Tommy Shepherd--that guy gets around."

David might have lied about hiding the data, roughly twenty minutes ago when everything went tits up like all hostage situations tend to do. He might have led Hulkling to believe the knowledge from the Watcher was lost forever because when it comes to intel, David's love language, he doesn't trust anyone, not even anyones with sky blue eyes and a jawline like a razor's edge. The safest hands are always his. He knows what to do with these secrets.

Teddy's offhand comment puts a bug in his ear. The Watcher did see all; it's likely that, somewhere in the sea of data David spread among a hundred islands of motherboards, there's something about Tommy. Maybe something about David, too.

And Patri-not. David would be a fool to think none of this leads back to Patri-not in one way or another; the future bleeding into the past through the door Billy opened--is it really Billy's fault, for opening the door?

All evidence points toward a traitor. Someone put the door there for Billy to find; pulled the right strings so he invited the right parasite to Earth, sent aliens to attack Kate and Noh-varr, kidnapped Tommy, all to bring the Young Avengers together. Someone who holds all the cards, who has all the facts.

Maybe someone who gained the Watcher's knowledge. Someone who hid it from his friends and tried to convince himself he didn't hate Billy Kaplan. Someone who liked to spend his free time worrying about the fate of the universe and making connections; untangling the threads that wrap them all in a conspiracy that makes his time in Utopia feel like the paradise it was touted as.

He doesn't know which is the right choice; using the data or not using the data. It's like a game show: his prize of future evilness and doom lies between one of two unmarked doors ( _choose wisely_ ). Knowledge is power; but power corrupts. Neither choice feels particularly right.

 _Choose wisely_.

He's staring at his laptop, at the program he's written to retrieve and decode the pad he put on the Watcher data (supposedly impossible, no big deal) when Tommy calls him. It's been twenty-seven days now. David almost doesn't answer the phone.

"I'm outside," Tommy says. David can hear the familiar noises of his own street, in stereo through the phone speaker. "I was just going to come up, but then I thought no, what if he's naked in there or something?"

David glances down at his laptop. He's not naked, but he's fucking glad Tommy didn't come up.

"So anyway, get some clothes on," Tommy continues, "finish whatever you were doing, and come out. I wanna get tacos."

"Now?" David squints at the time. "It's two-thirty-five."

"It's Tuesday," Tommy replies. "You can have tacos any time you want on Tuesday. I had three for breakfast."

David wants to say no, to give him a fucking _list_ of reasons why now is a bad time and Tommy's an asshole and tacos aren't that high on David's To Die For list anyway. He has a mental folder full of _no_ s just waiting to come out and Tommy deserves every one of them.

Instead he sighs and hangs up, which they both understand means _yes_ in David-speak.

"You took forever," Tommy complains, as David steps out of the apartment building and onto the sidewalk. It's a rare warm day in March, and the last of the ice on the front steps melted this morning. Tommy's chilling on the damp concrete with his feet against one railing and his back against the other. His track shoes are splattered with mud. His t-shirt says _My Middle Finger Salutes You_ , but it's still the nicest thing David's seen him wear.

"I had to wash up," David says, which isn't a lie but also isn't what kept him inside the apartment for ten minutes longer than necessary. He had to hide the key in a fake article for Loki's newspaper; then his shirt was all wrong. Then he couldn't find his favorite pair of shoes.

He crouches next to Tommy. The teen looks better than he did outside Kate's apartment. He looks as good as Speed's ever looked, and he rests his pale head against the iron-wrought bars of the railing and gives David a faint smile, closing his eyes against the sun. The skin of his eyelids is almost pale enough to be translucent. Really, he looks pretty damn good. A sight for sore eyes.

It's foolish, but David wants to believe they're going to be normal now. Even if one of them can run beyond lightspeed and the other will abandon his humanity for the greater good within the next few years. He needs some normal.

"You missed the fun," he says, nonchalantly as he can manage. "The Watcher was killed, bogies were running rampant . . ."

"I had stuff," Tommy says. _Stuff_ is teenager-speak for a variety of items including, but not limited to, _running from the cops_ , _battling evil exes_ , and _going on a Target run._ Tommy often uses the comfortable guise of _stuff._ David's noticed. "So, are we doing this taco thing or what?"

Of course he makes it sound like David's the one holding them up. David knows he's just deflecting.

It's not a fight worth picking, so David nods and follows Tommy down the sidewalk. Some kids have taken advantage of the melting ice to draw in chalk on the paved squares; chicken-scratch names and brightly colored doodles of houses and stick figures. Tommy's t-shirt is tucked into the back of his jeans. David can make out the outline of his phone in his pocket.

Tommy's hands swing free. David lets himself fantasize about grabbing one. He gives himself three and a half whole minutes before he kills the dream.

They grab tacos at a stand a few blocks away. Tommy orders first, while David stares at the mole on the back of his neck and thinks about kissing it and thinks about how he should be thinking about literally anything else right now. They sit in the park to eat.

“Kate's out of town," Tommy says. "According to Teddy, anyway. She split, I think it was last Monday? Maybe Thursday." He unwraps his taco, shrugging to convey how little the exact day matters.

David saw Teddy just a few days ago but the alien never mentioned Kate. He shakes his head. They're leaning against a stone wall, watching the pedestrians on the sidewalk pass, all of them in too much of a hurry to pay attention to two young men devouring an army's worth of tacos.

Tommy's shoulder is hot against David's. David wonders if his own skin feels cold through his shirt. He feels cold, in comparison to Tommy, like he hasn't thawed from New Year's.

_Dead man walking._

He thinks about turning his head and helping Tommy lick the salsa from the corners of his mouth. He thinks that's probably a bad idea.

"Where is she?" he asks, minding his own taco instead of Tommy's. The spices sting his taste buds, setting his mouth on fire. It's still the only part of him that feels warm.

"Finding herself," Tommy says. He looks at David. "Or running away. Hard to tell which. Her Snap Story's been pretty vague lately.”

"Coming from the king of vague," David mutters, struggling to keep the lettuce from falling out of his taco. Feels like a metaphor for his life.

Tommy shrugs the comment off, catching the smear of salsa in the corner of his mouth with his thumb. His phone buzzes; David feels the vibration through the wall. Tommy picks up a second taco and ignores the buzz.

"You want to get that, it's okay," David says, after it happens a few more times.

"I don't want to get it," Tommy says, crunching the hard shell between his teeth. "It's my fucking brother.”

"How do you know?" David asks.

"Because it's," Tommy checks his watch (he did _not_ strike David as a watch guy), "two-forty-five on a Tuesday, and Billy just got out of class. He has senioritis and Teddy refuses to quit the football team, so every Tuesday and Thursday like clockwork, I get the call from the wizard convinced he's whiling his life away.” He looks back at David. "Don't know when I became the one to call when you want to live a little.”

"No one lives as hard as you do," David says, even as he dies a little inside. "So you only called me to blow off your brother?”

Tommy finishes inhaling his second taco and wipes his fingers on his jeans. "I called you because I missed you, shithead," he says.

David doesn't understand him. He gets the feeling he could live for a thousand years and not understand the first thing about Speed.

"You have a funny way of showing it," he says.

Tommy elbows him. "I called, didn't I?”

"You did, eventually, show the barest modicum of interest required to maintain a friendship," David allows. He's snarky with everyone, but when he's snarky with Tommy, he means it. He wants to sting, to teach Tommy a lesson--and, of course, Tommy's the one person on earth with skin thicker than the Hulk. Tommy doesn't give a fuck 'bout nuthin; Tommy's the honey badger of the mutant world, and David's the unlucky sonovabitch who gets to be best friends with him.

Tommy _is_ his best friend, sad as that is.

"Can you, like, not hit me with SAT words?" Tommy asks. "Is that too much to ask?”

"Of me? Yes," David says. He sets his taco tray on the wall next to his hip. He's still thinking about what could happen if he turned his head at just the right angle. He's still thinking about licking taco sauce from Tommy's thin lips. He's still thinking it's a colossally bad idea. "No one told me about Kate. No one tells me anything."

Tommy balls up his taco wrapper. His battered sneakers sit comfortably beside David's black Keds. "Because you already know everything," he says. "It isn't personal, it's actually a compliment--everyone assumes you knew Kate left. Or maybe that you'd predicted she'd leave before she actually did it."

Guys who wear Keds have good luck, statistically. David's very extensive mental research has proven this. And Noh-Varr wears Keds so that's all the evidence David needs, really.

"That's a load of bullshit," he says, and sticks his greasy fingers in his mouth. Tommy's eyes follow the motion.

David's completely okay with pretending that means something.

Tommy's phone goes off again.

"Seriously," David says, "answer him. At least tell him you're busy.”

"So he can ask me where I am?" Tommy says. "No thank you.”

"What, are you hiding me?" David asks, mouth running ahead of his mind.

Tommy elbows him again, his shoulder jostling David's at the same time. David elbows him back, and Tommy leans heavily into him, threatening to unbalance them both. He rests his head where David's shoulder meets his neck.

"Billy gets weird when I mention you, that's all," Tommy says.

"Oh," David says.

"Oh," Tommy agrees. "My brother's kind of a dick. He thinks there's something going on between you and Teddy." He snorts. "And I thought _I_ was paranoid.”

"Well, I did make a pass at Teddy," David says. "Maybe several, depending on what you'd count as a 'pass'.”

Tommy straightens. "You what?”

His tone is so shocked, David immediately knows he's made a blunder. Tommy didn't know about the thing.

David has a disjointed moment where he can't figure out how Tommy is ignorant of this very big and very relevant thing going on in David's life--and then he remembers. Patri-not. Running. Not really communicating for weeks. Tommy isn't even in the gossip chain. And the twins don't strike David as sharers even when they're on good terms.

"Oh, well, I . . . kissed Teddy," David says. He wishes he still had food to play with. He looks at his hands. There's a streak of sour cream on the base of his palm. "It was stupid and impulsive and very not like me, you would have been proud. Or, uh, not."

He can feel Tommy staring, but the speedster is damnably silent. Waiting for a response just about kills David, maybe not physically but still painfully. Still permanently. Every second that Tommy doesn't say anything spears yet another of David's dreams of being normal.

"Say something," he begs, stealing a glance at the other boy.

Tommy swallows. David wishes he was imagining the betrayed, disappointed look on his face. He didn't think Tommy would ever care about anything enough to make that expression. He doesn't understand why Tommy cares _now_.

"Okay," Tommy says quietly.

David waits, but that's it.

He _hates_ "okay".

The stillness is suffocating. David used to pull his padded quilt over his head when he was was young, to keep the bogeyman at bay for as long as he could stand breathing his own hot, stale breath. It feels like he's back there now.

"I like him," David says. "I mean, I really, really like him. I didn't honestly believe I had a shot, but I had to try. No regrets."

Each word is a mistake, handing Tommy another spear to take potshots at David's feelings. He should just shut up. He should know better.

Tommy picks up his crumpled taco wrapper, holding it in both hands. "You still like him?" he asks. "Even though he has a boyfriend? Even though he has _Billy_?” There's an accusatory note undercutting the words, and it stings.

"I don't know," David says. "It's complicated.”

"It's complicated, or you just don't want to talk about it?" Tommy glares at the wrapper, which isn't fair because the wrapper hasn't done anything to him. And neither has David.

"What do you want me to say?" David demands. "That I want to fuck him? That I think about him when I jerk off and it gets me off faster _because_ he's Billy's, and I know Billy can't stop me?"

Tommy's eyes widen. He stops moving, which is kind of a big deal because Tommy is always moving. Even just a second ago, he was turning the taco wrapper ball over and over in his hands; now it dangles precariously in the loose cage of his fingertips.

David can't remember the last time he let what was precisely in his head burst out of his mouth. Sometime in his childhood, probably. And this time is particularly bad because what was in his head isn't exactly the type of thing you discuss over mid-afternoon tacos in the park. It's more of a one-a.m.-Snapchat-confession you can pretend didn't happen in the morning.

"So . . . yeah," he mumbles. "I guess I still like him. Or something."

Tommy's fingers are shaking. He's back to the not-saying-anything thing, and David wants to curl up in a ball and toss himself in the trash with their taco wrappers. His embarrassment colors him down to his toes, prickling under his skin like a slow, persistent burn. He isn't cold any more; he misses the numbness.

"I have to go," Tommy finally says. "You know how it is. People to see. Worlds to save."

His voice is toneless. David makes the mistake of blinking. When his eyes flutter back open, after less than a quarter of a second, Tommy's gone.

He expects it, but it still hurts.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love these ridiculous boys and I'm afraid I haven't done them justice.  
> Also, while we're all down here: welcome, and hi, and thanks for reading! The whole thing with Teddy and David and the Watcher is from Original Sins and if you haven't read it 10/10 highly recommend, if only for the delightful awkwardness of David geeking out over Noh Varr's ship.


	4. April-May

David keeps the laptop with the key to the universe under his bed, like a crack addict hoarding his stash. He doesn't open it, he doesn't take it out, he doesn't look at it if he can help it (which he usually can because he's not the kind of person to lose socks under his bed and that's really the only reason to be under there), but he keeps it. He has it if he needs it.

It's the nuclear bomb of all hard drives. One day, he's going to need it. He could argue that right now he needs it, but he keeps going back and forth on that like an Information-Age Macbeth: _to hack or not to hack._

_Choose wisely._

The thing about having a hundred other lives kicking around in his head is, everything's boring. He's done it all, he knows it all. So he craves new information like it's a drug, and having that laptop under his bed without touching it is driving him crazier than Tommy's continued absence. It's worse than wanting Teddy and not getting him. It's worse, even, than losing his powers. Because it's _there_ , constantly, and nothing's stopping him from taking it out except his own flagging willpower.

And his fear.

He doesn't want to see what the Watcher saw, the creature under Patri-not's skin that soaked Tommy up like a leftover coffee stain. He doesn't want to know what the Watcher knew about him. He doesn't want to be _sure_.

_Denial_ , Patri-not kept chanting, like David was a kid still not grasping the point. _Denial. How long are you going to keep pretending?_

He spends more time than he should lying on his back in bed, staring up at the ceiling and trying not to think of the laptop underneath him and feeling like he's falling without knowing how far away the ground is or when he'll hit it.

So the answer is _a while_.

And Tommy's just . . . not around. He bailed, like he always bails, and David doesn't know what to do about it. He doesn't know if there's anything he _should_ do about it.

He isn't sleeping.

It's just not happening. He gets in bed, he pulls his covers up, all the lights are off--and it's one a.m. and he's staring at the neon display of his nightstand clock. Tommy's on his mind. Tommy's always on his mind. He goes over the day in the park, trying to find his mistake. Trying to figure out if what they had was an argument or just awkward silence. All he really knows is that he was honest and that was the wrong move. He blew it, whatever "it" was; he knows it like he knows the Young Avengers were meeting without him before Kate's party, the way he knows he's in but not _in_ -in, not all the way.

Still, David isn't completely screwed yet. He isn't completely screwed until he's jerking off and Tommy Shepherd pops into his head, cat's tongue darting out to dab sour cream from that wide lower lip and David comes _hard_ , and then he's screwed.

Like he wasn't thinking enough about Tommy before.

He feels like he's spelunking blind; crashing into rocks, every missed foothold giving him a micro heart attack, his hands bruised from hanging on so tightly.

He Snapchats Tommy, but he doesn't know if he should apologize or ask what's wrong or pretend everything's normal so, after staring at the picture of his socked feet on the end of his bed for ten solid minutes waiting for inspiration, he neglects to add a caption and hopes Tommy has the words to start the conversation they badly need to have.

Tommy opens it, proving he's not dead, but doesn't reply.

That's probably fair. Or something.

David goes to a diner with America. He needs Kate, the expert on self-destructive non-relationships, but he can't have her so he calls her person instead. Her person is not useful when it comes to her whereabouts.

"She went somewhere," America says vaguely, sawing away at a waffle with her knife and fork. "She stole a dog."

"She ran away because she stole a dog?" David's confounded. Sure, their teammates have been known to do nuttier things for lesser reasons (looking straight at Loki and his grudge match with the lizard men), but even for the Young Avengers, Grand Theft Retriever is a touch extra.

America shrugs again and slides his milkshake over to her side of the table, downing half of it in one go. "She's just doing her thing. She'll call me when she figures it out."

David envies her easy confidence.

At three a.m. this morning, just after he opened and ignored David's socked cry for help, Tommy checked in to an Olive Garden in Springfield, New Jersey.

David paced, planning the shortest bus route and calculating if he had enough money in his bank account before realizing A) he had at least three friends with the power of teleportation, and B) he was nearly stalking someone he was fairly sure didn't want anything to do with him.

He didn't chase after Nori when she wanted to split. He doesn't know why he's hell bent on chasing Tommy now, except they feel like a conversation that never got finished.

"What about you?" America asks, her brown eyes boring in to him like she's trying to drill for his secrets. He doesn't think she knows how much she'd regret finding them. "Have you gotten your shit together?"

"What?" He's so startled, he almost drops his toast. "I have my shit together."

America chokes out a laugh, the last dregs of her stolen milkshake bubbling at the bottom of the glass as she snorts through her straw. "You're, what, twenty? No way you have your shit together. No one who has your backstory at your age has their shit together."

"Look in the mirror, princess," he retorts. "It's the pot calling the kettle black."

"Fuck you, I'm Latina," she says. " _You're_ black."

"It's a--never mind." He bites into his toast with too much enthusiasm, spilling crumbs in his lap and scraping his unshaven cheek.

"Anyway, you're changing the subject," she says. "That trick doesn't work on me."

He picks crumbs from his lap. "I don't know what you want me to say. I'm fine."

"It's about time you check your phone," she notes. "You know, because Tommy might have texted you in the last three minutes after a month solid of _not_."

His hand flies to his pocket out of reflex; he forces himself to grab his juice glass instead. "Shut up. And fuck you."

"You're swearing. Kate says I've won if you start swearing." America pushes his empty milkshake glass back across the table and grabs a couple napkins to mop up the trail it leaves behind. The strawberry dregs slide sluggishly down from the rim, and David eyes them enviously.

"Did she really say that?" he asks.

" Are you kidding? She left notes on all you guys," she replies. "I wish _I_ was kidding. You know what she wrote for Tommy?"

David grabs the dessert menu like he's legitimately considering pie; why the hell not? It's only five in the damn morning.

America isn't convinced by his show of diffidence. " _Call David_. That's it," she says. "Billy and Teddy have whole fucking _essays_ on how to handle them, but Tommy? _Call David._ I guess you're the expert or something."

She raises her eyebrows, waiting for him to argue or agree.

He supposes he owes her this much after calling off their sudden and random Jersey trip for a hole-in-the-wall diner in Wisconsin.

(America claims they have the best milkshakes)

"I'm not a Tommy expert," he says, closing the dessert menu and deciding it's early enough to be too early for pie. "I'm an expert on a couple hundred things, but Tommy Shepherd isn't one of them. She probably just wrote that because I'm the only one with his phone number." Not that it's good for jack shit when Tommy won't reply.

"And that doesn't mean anything," she says in a monotone.

"I thought it did," he says.

The raw honesty in his voice surprises both of them; embarrassed, he flags the waitress for the check and assures America, in a much less passionate tone, that he'll cover the bill since he called her here.

She doesn't buy the distraction. "Please tell me we aren't going to pretend there's nothing going on between you and the world's worst walking disaster."

"I thought Kate Bishop was the world's worst walking disaster," he says, and she narrows her eyes because he's trying to divert the conversation again.

"Give me a break, Alleyne," she says, and grabs the bill from him, laying a fifty in the small black book and refusing to let him have it back. She hands it directly to the waitress with a smile and a wink, and then looks back at him. Her face changes at once, all traces of a smile vanishing. "You called me at stupid o'clock to go after him before deciding that was, I don't know, too gay for you."

"It's not like that," he says, embarrassed.

"Well, it's like something," she says. "And it's your job to figure it out because you're the figure-it-out guy."

He toys with his straw wrapper.

"Look, I've had time to think about this," she said. "I could never put a finger on why the hell you were here, and now I get it. You signed on for Tommy. Obvious, really." She tilts her head, like she's sizing him up. "You don't have to be ashamed of it."

"I'm not ashamed," he replies automatically.

"Scared, then." She pauses. Her next words sound like they come out between broken glass and sandpaper, rather than teeth and tongue. "It's . . . okay . . . to be afraid."

"I respect how difficult that must have been to say," he says, and then, "I'm not afraid."

"You should be," she says. "Seeing you lie through your face like this is kind of pissing me off and you don't want to piss me off, David. You'd have better chances with an angry Hulk."

With her gaze nailing him to the booth, he believes it. America's hard, from her rolled-up jacket sleeves to her mud-spattered shit-kickers. She's got the grittiest part of being a hero in her bones, and of course David isn't stupid enough to test her, not when she's just offering friendship or whatever the hell people like America have to keep them company.

But he's not lying.

_Denial._

He hisses through his teeth as Patri-not's voice trickles, unwelcome, through the back of his mind like water from a leaky faucet. He _isn't_ in denial, and _yes_ he knows how that sounds.

"What's there to be afraid of?" He switches tact.

So does she. "You tell me." She rests her elbows on the table, leaning forward. His first instinct is to press back against the vinyl booth cover, but he resists.

"Theoretically," he says, which is how he presents all ideas he doesn't want to fully commit to, "you could argue that I'm afraid of my feelings for Tommy. Alternatively, you could argue my supposed fear comes from the knowledge that one of us becomes a traitor in the future. Either way, _I_ could argue it's none of your business."

"And I could argue you trot out the big words and fancy ideas when you're trying to cover your ass," she points out.

"And we could do this all day," he says. "But it's just talking in circles and it's boring for both of us, so let's not."

"Tommy's your problem," she says, and accepts her change from the waitress. "You don't have to be upfront about it, you don't actually have to tell me jack shit. But next time you call me for a ride you decide you don't actually want, I'm introducing your nose to the back of your head." She tucks the money in her pocket. "Either be honest or get the hell out of my life."

"Fine," he says, and goes to get up.

He isn't trying to call her bluff or anything, but she seizes his wrist and blurts out, _"Wait,"_ with as much emotion as he's ever heard in her voice. He slowly sinks back down.

"Kate says I'm bad at this," she mutters to herself, then looks at him. Her expression is a little softer, but he still doesn't want to test her. "Look, I know I'm a hardass," she says. "It scares most people away, and I'm fine with that because I don't want pussies in my life."

He raises his eyebrows. "You don't? I thought that was the whole point of being a lesbian."

"You know what I mean," she says, fighting a smile. "I don't have time to dick around, babysitting people's feelings--and neither do you. And neither does Tommy."

"Okay," he says cautiously, unsure of where she's going with this.

"But you're acting like a little baby," she says flatly. "There's a difference between being too grown up to angst and straight up refusing to have feelings. And what you're doing, here?" She gestures at him vaguely. "It's not fooling me, which means it's not fooling anyone. News flash, Davie--you've caught feels and it's time to own it."

"Everything about that last sentence is wrong," he tells her. "I _am_ a grown up, capable of full-blown feelings, not abbreviations of them, and my name is David, not Davie, and there's nothing to own because feelings are a sensation and not something to be physically possessed."

"Tommy has you all fucked up with sensations," America says. "Unless there's something else going on that I don't know about."

His mind flashes back to the laptop under his bed.

"No," he lies. He slides out of the booth. "Should we go?"

"Are you changing the subject on me again?" she demands, making no move to follow him. He stands, awkwardly, by the table.

"I'm not changing the subject," he says. "We're just . . . done with this subject."

"We haven't even _begun_."

"Never thought I'd see the day when America Chavez would badger me into talking about my feelings."

She throws up her hands. "You know what? Forget this," she says. "I tried to play Kate, it flopped. I'm not good at this counseling shit, you just do whatever the fuck you want with Tommy, okay?" She swings her legs from under the table and stands, forcing him to back up and give her room to get out. "You need permission, or whatever, here it is," she goes on. "Fuck him. Fix him. Do whatever you have to do. Just make sure he's _good_ , because you're clearly worrying about him and now it's affecting _my_ life, and that's not happening."

He stares at her boots.

"Okay," he says.

"Okay," she echoes, and nods once.

Girls who wear shit-kickers are not to be messed with.

 

* * *

 

Tommy is asleep on the couch when David comes back to his apartment.

He's in a zip-up hoodie and pair of boxers that look like they've been through a war and back, and his forehead and hands are smudged with soot. He reeks of charred wood and asbestos. David's brilliant mind concludes that Tommy's been in a fire. How he managed to get into a fire between 3 a. m. and now is beyond David. He hopes the Olive Garden is still standing.

David doesn't try to be quiet as he closes his front door and sets his keys on the coffee table. He's pissed at Tommy; he doesn't want to be considerate.

He also doesn't particularly want to talk to Tommy at the moment, so he stops short of actually waking the Young Avenger. He crouches by the couch to check Tommy for visible burns; finding none, he retreats to the kitchen to find excuses to not deal with the speedster passed out in his living room.

There's a pile of dirty dishes in the sink and a copy of  _ Avengers Assembled _ on the table, so he's in luck.

He flips through the paper he now writes for until he finds his advice column. Seeing his name beside Loki's in print is definitely not the proudest moment of his life. He wants to burn the paper, all copies of the paper, and possibly the warehouse where the paper was printed. He sets the thing aside and turns his attention to the sink.

He digs his mountains of plates, bowls, and cups from the sink and thinks about how Kate was fucking Noh-varr on his space ship, America was crossing galaxies, Billy and Teddy were chilling in suburbia, and David and Tommy were sludging away at day jobs. Was it really a chain of coincidences that brought them together? Because it feels pretty damn orchestrated, almost as orchestrated as Tommy showing up in David's apartment just hours after David and America had an emergency conference about him.

He fights with the slippery silverware, giving up when a butter knife and two forks clatter to the floor. He's going to start eating with chopsticks, he swears. He starts a pot of coffee; caffeine will definitely give him more patience and soothe his jittery nerves, sure.

Washing dishes gives him too much time to roll in his own thoughts; as soon as the coffee is ready, he pours himself a cup and sits down with the paper, looking for a distraction. He skips over the advice column, since he already knows what it says, and skims the Highlights page, which is literally twenty paragraphs of Ms. Marvel fangirling over various events that happened over the weekend.

There are no articles about Billy Kaplan being a future god, or Loki coming down to hang out with his favorite mortals for (apparently) no reason beyond wanting to dish out terrible advice and watch with popcorn as the world slowly incinerates. If David were in charge, that would be front-page news. But, fortunately for everyone on planet Earth, David isn't in charge.

Once upon a time when David was a young mutant with a crush on Nori that wasn't going anywhere fast and the kind of arrogance only children who've never been disappointed or hurt can muster, he let a couple telepaths mess around in his mind, because he was young and dumb like that. And he saw what would happen if he ever used his full mutant powers. He saw himself take over the world.

As difficult as it was to lose his powers because of M-Day, he's always been grateful that he no longer has to face that possibility.

Of course, now he has a new apocalyptic future to contend with so it's just out of the frying pan and into the fire with him.

He finishes his cup of coffee and pours a second. Tommy shuffles in just as David sets the pot back on the heater.

David's throat dries up like the sun-bleached, chalk-stained sidewalk outside. He isn't ready for this. He doesn't know what to say. He comes up with the classic, brilliant, "Hey.", as he slowly lowers his cup of coffee onto the counter.

Tommy rubs his eyes. His nap didn't do much for the bags under his eyes. He doesn't say anything as he lurches toward David, presumably for coffee. David reaches above his head to get a mug from the cupboard, and Tommy's arms wrap around his waist.

David is surprised enough to drop the mug. Fortunately, it lands in his sink of water, so all he gets is splashed.

Tommy's chin digs in to his shoulder. A wave of something--heat, fear, insanity--washes over David, jabbing him in all the right places; his burning chest, his shaking hands, his traitorous balls. His knees go watery.

"Um," he says intelligently, bringing up one hand to rest between Tommy's shoulderblades. He's wary of boxing the other boy in. "What's, um, going on? Are you okay?"

The more he speaks, the easier it is to get the words out and the more normal his voice sounds, even if he's just spouting the kind of empty phrases he's picked up from years of false memories.

Tommy's bare calves press against David's pants, and his hands are claws on David's back, and he doesn't say anything, he doesn't say anything for the longest damn time and it has to be some kind of record, the longest he's gone without letting a stupid comment fall out of his mouth. He inhales a sharp, juddered breath and lets it go again, his heart thudding between the zipper of his sweatshirt and the buttons of David's polo.

"Do I need to beat someone up?" David asks, with a weak laugh.

_Fuck him. Fix him._ America's words ring in his ears, but he doesn't know how to do either. He feels like he spends more time thinking about Tommy than actually being around him, more time speculating than knowing, more time wishing than anything else.

Tommy pulls back, pushing his bleached hair out of his face. "I'm a dick," he says, shoving his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt. The motion pulls the fabric down, revealing patches of bare chest and white, fine hair, like duck down. David looks at Tommy's bare, streaked feet, and realizes he isn't half as angry as he thought he was.

"I'm used to it," he says. "What happened?" He gestures to Tommy's ragged state.

Tommy pulls a face. "Some bogies slipped through Billy's portal while we were dealing with Mother," he says. "They're kind of trapped here now, and they thought I was him. They were very disappointed to be wrong."

David reaches into the cupboard for another mug and pours Tommy a cup of coffee. The other boy accepts it at once. They aren't going to talk about last time, David knows, the same way he knows it's okay to brush Tommy's hair behind his ear right now when it usually isn't okay to touch him like that. Tommy leans into the touch, closing his eyes briefly.

David wants to kiss him.

He doubts that would go over well.

"So the apartment where I was staying is sort of on fire now," Tommy says, turning the mug in his hands to twist his fingers around the handle. "I offered to put it out, but the landlord just wanted me gone." He takes a sip, then another.

"You need a place to stay?" David asks at once.

Tommy shrugs. "I'll find something," he says.

"If you're couch-surfing, I have a couch," David says. He doesn't have to think twice about it; it's a natural response, and it _feels_ right. Of course, Tommy should stay here. Because David is Tommy's . . . Tommy's . . . he's just Tommy's, and this is what he's here for. This is what he wants.

"I have other friends," Tommy responds.

David fishes out the mug he dropped, the water streaming down his forearm and soaking his rolled-up shirt sleeve. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Forget it," Tommy says, and edges closer to David like he can't help himself. He sets his mug on the counter.

"No one who says 'forget it' really means 'forget it'," David says, rinsing the mug and sticking it on the other side of the sink to dry. "You have a problem with me?"

"Only 'cause you seem to have a problem with me," Tommy retorts, which, no. That's just wrong, David isn't the one who got all freaked last time and split, David isn't the one with the problem here.  
"My only problem is that you didn't really come back," David says, sloshing the water in the sink. He grabs Tommy's mug, dumps it out, and washes it savagely.

"What the hell do you mean?" Tommy scowls. "I'm right here."

David turns to face him, splattering drops of water across the front of Tommy's sweatshirt and the floor. "Are you?" he demands.

"Yeah, I really don't do this metaphysical crap, so . . ."

"I mean you're different," David presses. "You're skittish. You're always gone. Even when you're here, you're not _present_."

"I'm fine," Tommy says at once, swiftly enough that David definitely doesn't believe him. "You want me to hang around more? I can hang around more. It'll be a drag, but whatever, I can do it--"

"I'm not going to talk you into doing something you don't want to do," David says.

Tommy grabs his shoulders. "Then maybe you should stop talking," he suggests. His expression has become a little manic, his eyes too wide, his thin mouth turned up in an unconvincing smile. "Because everything is okay. And I'm fine."

"You--" David pauses, then leaps to the conclusion anyway, "--you act like you're afraid of me."

"What? No way," Tommy denies, just like David expected. "Why would I be afraid of you?"

_Because I turn into a mystical entity that shows you something so horrifying, you pretend you can't remember._

"I make you feel things," David lies, because he's a coward. Because he can't admit out loud what he becomes, that he knows his future and it's a bad one, because admitting is the same as committing and not just because they rhyme. At least this way, Tommy can make fun of him and they can drop the subject because David's obviously way off.

Tommy looks like he was just hit with a frying pan. His hands tighten on David's shoulder.

Davis's face erupts in flames, or so it feels like. Tommy was supposed to laugh, not go weird and quiet. David feels like the doors were just blown off his storm cellar and the tornado is blustering over the horizon, heading straight for him. He's screwed up again.

Why can't he keep his damn mouth shut?

Tommy swallows. His neck looks longer without a t-shirt collar to cut it off; it flows smoothly into his chest and down into his sweatshirt and now it looks like David's checking him out because he let his eyes follow that trail down.

"You make me feel things," Tommy echoes in a low voice.

It sounds more intense coming from him. And it doesn't sound like a question.

"I--I didn't mean--" David stumbles through the words with no clear idea of where he's going. "Shit, Tommy." He closes his eyes, and he doesn't entirely know why except it's getting too hard to look at Tommy right now. If it were possible, he'd sink into the floor.

For the first time in his life he genuinely wishes he was Kitty Pryde.

The pressure of Tommy's hands disappear from his shoulders, and he hears the metallic rip of a zipper, followed by a muffle _thump_.

He opens his eyes (he can't stand being in the dark for long) to find Tommy's sweatshirt on the floor and Tommy, bare-chested, in front of him.

"Uh--" David says. He isn't sure what he was expecting, but this didn't make the hypothetical list. He can't stop himself from checking out Tommy's body, eyes trailing over lines best left unscrutinized; there is a half-naked boy in David's kitchen, and the urge to grab him has never been stronger. This is ten kinds of unfair. This is Tommy trying to throw him off on purpose.

Because Tommy _knows_. He knows David likes him.

The realization floods through David in the form of a panicked flood; of course Tommy knows, because he knows everything about David. They read each other like their brains were built from the same manual, and David just gave himself away by projecting his own feelings onto Tommy's behavior.

"So what about you?" Tommy asks quietly. "Do I make you _feel things_?"

David swallows. No point in lying now. "Often," he admits. "But that isn't what we were . . ."

He falters. He doesn't remember what they were talking about. If he had a minute, he knows he'd get hold of it again; it's not that far gone, and neither is he, but Tommy isn't giving him a minute.

Tommy's fingers flutter over his own chest, brushing his nipples, dancing over his collar bone as he steps closer to David.

David's breath catches in his throat. "Tommy," he protests, half-heartedly.

Tommy cocks his head. "What?"

"You're only trying to distract me," David says, wishing the words did anything to clear his head. They don't. Even knowing what Tommy's doing doesn't break the spell.

"You could at least pretend to not be enjoying it," Tommy says, draping his arms over David's shoulders, his eyes pointedly traveling downward.

David should step away. Sit down. Take a minute to breathe, at the very least.

But Tommy is coming on to him hard, and whether he's distracting or teasing or being serious, David doesn't care. He grabs Tommy's waist, ignoring the way the other boy's eyes fly wide in surprise, and pushes him against the fridge, kissing him. He can't resist the impulse anymore.

Tommy gasps, making the mistake of opening his mouth, and David plunges his tongue into that heat, pressing himself against Tommy's compliant body. He runs his hands over Tommy's arms, his chest, his skin, imprinting the moment in his memory because he's sure he's dead the second Tommy recovers from the shock. He sucks in a deep breath, taking in smoke and sweat and fear, and steps back, releasing the other boy.

Tommy looks like someone just threw a bucket of cold water in his face. His hands hover in the air between them, like he was about to grab David and start kissing him back--but David knows better than to hope for that. Because if there was ever anything between them, it would be drenched in feelings and commitment and all the things Tommy avoids like rank garbage piled in the street. If there was ever anything between them, it would be _real_ , and David knows Tommy well enough to know he'd hate that.

"What?" he asks now, his voice rough with emotion. He can't seem to turn them off, think logically, do the "Spock Thing" as Teddy calls it. The thing he's usually so good at--objective thought--eludes him. "Didn't think I knew how to play sex chicken?"

"That's . . . not how you play sex chicken," Tommy says unsteadily. "You--" He sways, swallows, and wipes the back of his hand across his eyes, leaving a soot smear behind on his temple. "God, David. You're the only fucking person who takes me by surprise."

"I'm taking that as a compliment," David says. "And . . . you, too."

They stare at each other for a moment. David wants to kiss Tommy again. He wants to kiss until both of their lips are sore and swollen. He wants to nail the speedster _here_.

And, again, he knows better.

"So," Tommy says, and claps his hands like he's signaling it's time to move on, "this isn't a new habit of yours, is it? Randomly jumping people? Because Teddy and I are cool, but you're going to have a few harassment suits on your hands if you keep it up."

David holds up his hands like he's under arrest. "This is the last time," he promises. He doesn't know what happened to their argument, but he guesses now isn't the time to talk about it.

Tommy slides him a sideways smile. "Don't set the bar too high."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dorky David voice* " . . . _feel things_ . . ."
> 
> dudes, he's such a loser. :))
> 
> Thanks for reading!! Things are about to get fuuuuuuuuuun.


	5. June

David wakes up with a pair of feet in his face.

More accurately, one foot in his face and the other kneading its toes in his neck. Gross. He shoves them away, pushing up onto his elbow to squint around, disoriented, at the unfamiliar room. As he takes in the stacks of cardboard boxes and badly patched walls, he remembers that yesterday he moved in with America.

He glances back at the feet, eyes traveling across the body they're attached to. Tommy's zonked out, one arm draped over David's calves, the other dangling off the edge of the bed. His basketball shorts are tangled around his hips and between his thighs, the waistband yanked down to expose half his ass crack.

Other than the television and XBox, nothing in David's room is unpacked. Most of yesterday was spent boxing up the crap from David and America's old places and dumping it in their new place. For America, who'd been splitting her time between Kate's empty apartment and a hotel, this wasn't a big deal. For David . . .

David's a bit of a pack rat. He'll admit it. He can't count the number of times he heard someone say, "Do you _absolutely_ need this?" while they were packing.

(the answer was always yes)

He shoves Tommy's legs away from him again and edges out of bed, careful to climb over the speedster. He nearly loses his balance a few times; even without the moving boxes, there isn't a lot of space to maneuver. David let America have the larger bedroom in favor of this one, which is narrower but also has a window that runs the length of the bed.

His desk fits on one side of the room, and his television on the other. His low dresser doubles as the TV stand, but he doesn't mind the cramped conditions. He's spent years in closer quarters, sometimes with roommates.

The morning sunlight pours through the curtainless window like lemonade from a pitcher. He's surprised Tommy's still asleep, but even David's fumblings to open his drawer without hitting the end of the bed don't stir the guy. Tommy's like a wind-up toy; he goes and goes and goes and then falls over.

David grabs a set of clothes and heads for the bathroom, passing America's room on the way. She made more progress unpacking than he did; through her half-open door he can see her bed made properly, not a bunch of sheets tossed over it like David's, an area rug unrolled at its base. Her shelves are littered with crap she's picked up in her travels; strange micro-worlds and oddly twisted trophies, photographs in wood and acrylic frames, a telephone shaped like either a flower or a vagina, David can't tell. He hopes it's a telephone, anyway.

The hot water takes its time kicking in, and while David waits, testing the spray every few seconds, Tommy shuffles in to take a piss.

"Are we going out for breakfast?" he asks, around a yawn. David's surprised--he half expected Tommy to take off the second he woke up, and he definitely didn't expect Tommy to be part of a "we". But Tommy's been weird lately, ever since David kissed him. He's been around a _lot_ more, to the point that David would question if he's the same person who couldn't stand more than a week at a part time job.

Admittedly, a shitty part time job that David would have gladly skipped away from if he could, as well.

"Ask America," he says now. "I don't know."

He doesn't know the first thing about this arrangement, actually. Are he and America going to eat meals together? What happens when one or the other of them wants to bring someone home, in the colloquial sense?

(Okay, that problem is mostly America's because David hasn't gotten any in so long, his dick probably thinks his hand is the real thing because it doesn't know better)

It's too early in the morning to think about, especially while he's naked and Tommy's using the toilet.

Tommy flushes and washes his hands, flicking the excess water through his wild hair. "She was kind of . . . busy . . . when I passed by," he says. "I did us both the favor of shutting the door. On a _totally_ unrelated note, Kate's back in town."

David has at least three comments to make about that, but the shower finally turns something approximating warm, and he lets them go, stepping in. They haven't hung the shower curtain yet, which he didn't think twice about until Tommy decided to come chill with him in the bathroom.

Tommy nonchalantly leans against the sink.

David turns his back on him. The thought of Tommy watching him shower is doing things to his dick that he'd rather the other guy not see. He swallows the arousal and reaches for soap before realizing there isn't any.

Tommy hands him the bar from the sink. "Here's what I'm thinking," he says. His fingers brush David's, and the bar slips between their hands and lands on the bottom of the tub with a _thump_. David crouches (he is _not_ bending) to grapple for it. He's both surprised and grateful that Tommy doesn't make a joke.

"What are you thinking?" David asks, lathering the bar between his hands.

"It looks like the only thing that's going to be coming out of America's bedroom in the next hour is moans," Tommy says. "So, in the interest of sparing us both the horrifying experience of hearing her get laid, let's leave and like . . . not come back for a while. Have a day out."

David bends his head under the water, fingers scraping his scalp as he works them through the dense tangle. It's beyond time for a buzz. There's a reason he shaves his head; he doesn't have the time to maintain anything more complicated than that.

"A day out," he echoes. He washes his junk as quickly and discretely as he can manage, irritated by the jolt in his abdomen when his thumb accidentally brushes the head of his cock. He's got a handle on his libido . . . usually. He's moved past the period of uncontrollable erections, got all that nastiness out of the way with Nori (which was its own kind of unfortunate), but. Tommy makes him weird.

All of this is weird. It's been weird for months now.

"Yeah, we can eat, see the city," Tommy says, sounding suspiciously enthusiastic about the idea. "You live here now, after all. We might as well get to know the home turf. I guarantee we'll be fighting something with tentacles in less than a week and you'll regret not memorizing some random alleyway behind a Korean deli."

"You have a point," David concedes. Tommy hands him a towel because he's awesome like that, and David gratefully shuts off the shower and wraps the towel around his waist before stepping out of the tub.

"You're not the only one who can have ideas," Tommy teases.

David's feeling cocky already, so he slides a look over to Tommy and says, "It kind of sounds like a date."

Tommy freezes for half a second, then rolls his eyes. "Call it what you want," he says.

Butterflies explode in David's stomach.

He dresses in record time, thinking he might even be putting Speed to shame--although in the time it takes him to dry off and yank on his chino shorts, Tommy changes, grabs breakfast, and comes back.

He hands the McDonald's bag to David, eyes flicking to the sliver of bare chest between the two halves of David's unbuttoned shirt.

David can't be imagining this, right?

He opens the bag as he shuffles through the apartment, giving America's room a wide berth in his quest for a pair of shoes that aren't spangled with stars. Tommy, by the door, fidgets with David's round Ray Bans and waits for the bag to migrate back to him. David pulls out a breakfast sandwich and hands it over.

He finds the shoes he wore yesterday--a pair of beat-up Reebok sandals--and unwraps his sandwich, sticking it in his mouth. The sausage burns his tongue.

He double checks that the new apartment key is on his ring before they leave, which makes Tommy even more impatient.

"I don't want to get locked out," David says defensively, as they step into the stairwell.

"I could always jimmy the lock," Tommy replies. "You do realize that as long as you know me, you're never going to be locked out of places, right?"

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," David says, and locks the door behind him. He shoves the keys in his pocket and grins at Tommy, holding his arm out. "Let's go see our new city."

Tommy tucks himself under David's arm, bending so his shoulders are at the right height; David laughs and raises his arm so the other boy can straighten.

"You're a goof," he says, taken aback by the affection in his own voice. He's never taken that tone with anyone except his sister before.

Tommy elbows him. "That's no way to talk to someone who brought you breakfast," he says.

"A reheated breakfast sandwich? I'm falling over myself with gratitude," David drones.

"As it should be," Tommy replies, straight-faced. He hasn't shrugged David's arm off yet; miracles do happen. Even to guys like David. Even to guys who kiss other guys' boyfriends and could potentially earn a degree in being an asshole.

He's not imagining this, he confirms. But it's a careful line to walk, and he's terrified of going too far. Again. So far, he's followed Tommy's cue and not talked about the day in his old kitchen and not asked where Tommy's been sleeping since he lost the apartment. All he knows is that it (usually) isn't with him.

They wander out to the sidewalk and turn left. David keeps track of where they walk, but he doesn't have a destination in mind and he doesn't think Tommy does, either. He drops his arm from Tommy's shoulder after a couple of steps, covering the motion by raiding the bag in Tommy's hands and stealing a couple hashbrowns.

The location of the apartment wasn't important to America, who can travel anywhere she wants without paying bus fare, but David missed Illinois so here they are in Ottawa, where there's . . . mostly nothing, but it's quiet and only forty-five minutes away from his parents' house. Ottawa's a cool place. There are parks.

They stop at one to hang out for a while, using the balled-up McDonald's bag to play catch. David has to talk Tommy out of taking a dip in the duck pond. They wrestle, lay in the grass. Between the dark green leaves of the oak trees, the sky blares loud and blue. Tommy's fingers tangle with David's, and everything smells fresh and new and hopeful. It doesn't matter that he doesn't have a fucking clue what's going on between them.

Ottawa is wildly different from New York, Chicago, any of the big cities where he's spent the last few years. He wouldn't call it a small town, because it's not--it's just . . . normal. He's pretty sure that's the word he's looking for. The level of commotion is normal, and the level of calm is normal. The Indian man hawking Mexican food from the cart on the corner of Columbus street is normal, and so are the competing youth groups playing basketball in between the Baptist and Lutheran churches directly across the street from each other.

And then they're standing at the river.

"I didn't know there was a river," Tommy says, staring down the bank at the rushing, muddy current. Across the river, the city continues; behind them, a couple apartment buildings and some businesses squat, all of them named something water-related.

"Well, there's a river," David says. "Two, actually. I think this one converges with the Fox River in that direction." He points to the left, which he thinks is (possibly)southish. "My class took a field trip here in fourth grade."

"Was that fun?" Tommy asks, sounding like he doesn't care about the answer. He squats down, gathering a handful of gravel to toss in the river, ignoring the signs posted every three feet asking people to do exactly _not_ that.

"It was okay," David says, crouching next to him. "Did you ever take field trips?"

Tommy shakes his head. "Mom liked to keep me home," he says, referencing his parents for the first time in David's memory. Whenever Tommy talks family, it's about Billy. It's always about Billy. "She was afraid of what I'd do without constant supervision." He slants David a half smile. "Well. She wasn't wrong."

"You do give off the vibe of needing a babysitter like, always," David agrees. "Someone to keep you from sticking your fingers in light sockets for the heck of it."

"Or other people's fingers," Tommy says.

"Or other people's fingers," David concurs. He traces his fingers through the gravel. "I won't help you stick anyone's fingers in a light socket," he says. "But I will recommend you dump a bucket of water over their head first."

Tommy's smile widens.

By late afternoon, Tommy's pockets are loaded with souvenirs he didn't pay for, and David's pretty sure they've seen everything worth seeing in Ottawa. The sun glares in their eyes as they wander back to the apartment, David going by the map he's slowly built in his head during their exploration.

"There are worse places you could have moved to," Tommy says, fiddling with something called a fidget spinner that David low-key wants to throw in the river because Tommy has _not put it down_ since picking it up in that dollar store. "Like New Jersey, New Jersey sucks."

"Isn't that where you're from?" David asks.

"David, I'm a man of the road," Tommy says, straight-faced. "Child of nowhere. Son of no one."

David sighs. "More like the spawn of utter bullshit," he says, and Tommy laughs.

"Anyway," he says, slinging his arm around David's neck and twirling his spinner in his other hand, "it doesn't matter where I'm from. I'm here now. And that's how I roll."

David wonders if he's the only one who can hear how false the bravado in Tommy's voice rings; surely not. Surely someone before him figured out everything that comes from Tommy's mouth is either a lie or a bluff, all meant to prop up the image of a superhero who totally has his shit together.

They're in their late teens and twenties; they're all pretending to have their shit together. David gets that. America was right.

"How long are you going to be here?" he asks.

Tommy hip-bumps him. "Why? You gonna miss me when I'm gone?" he teases. "Hey--let's go in that soda shop, it looks _bomb_." He skips a few steps ahead, dashing up to the picture window and then stopping, his shoulders slumping. " _Awww_ , it's closed," he moans. "Stupid town--everywhere closes at, like, two."

"Not the Wal-Mart," David reminds him. He chooses to let the obvious change of subject go, but when Tommy whirls around, green eyes lighting up like twin GO signals, he says firmly, " _No_. We aren't going to Wal-Mart today."

"Okay, cool, we'll table it for now," Tommy agrees. "Revisit the idea after supper."

"That's not what I said."

"Wanna hear this song I really like?" Tommy asks, yanking his phone out of his pocket and starting to play it without listening to David's answer (which is "Not really."). He's pinballing, distracting David, playing the avoidance game. He holds the speaker between their ears, humming along with the tune and then breaking into the chorus.

Their faces are so close, separated by only a few inches of plastic.

The avoidance game is kind of working.

David eyes everything but Tommy's face. Tommy's got a new pair of runners; they're green. He misappropriated David's Metallica t-shirt this morning. He's still in the gray basketball shorts he slept in. He's not the kind of guy to wear jewelry. He's obviously not going to talk about the future, which means he'll probably be gone tomorrow.

David's the kind of guy to wear jewelry. He has a watch, because he's responsible, and a couple bracelets he's picked up from random places. He has no plans to go anywhere in the immediate future. He wouldn't mind talking about it with Tommy anyway, just in case. He wouldn't mind if Tommy invited him to go with; he wouldn't go, he knows how important Tommy's independence is to him. He just wants to be asked.

The sun skims the tops of the buildings around them, creating a clear divide between light and shadow on the sidewalk. The shadow stretches diagonally across Tommy's calves. David estimates it at a forty-five degree angle. His brain likes to give him math when nothing else makes sense.

Tommy's hum low and deep in his throat. David's close enough to pick out every thrum of his vocal chords. He couldn't care less about the music coming, tinny and too loud, from Tommy's phone. His arm is close enough to Tommy's that it raises the hair on the back of his neck, gooseflesh dancing down to his fingertips.

"I really like this part," Tommy says, pressing the phone closer to David's ear even though it's already busting David's eardrum. He clenches his teeth but bears with it.

Tommy sings along, slightly off key and definitely higher pitched than the gutteral singer he's mimicking. David doesn't care.

He genuinely doesn't. Tommy could sound like Oscar the Grouch's favorite band and David would listen.

The thought flings across his brain like one of Kate's arrows, effortlessly striking the mark of his feelings. America was right about more than one thing; David's caught something, and he can't hide it much longer. He's come down with a severe case of butterflies for his own best friend, and kissing Tommy did nothing to ease the symptoms. If anything, it only raised his fever.

Tommy elbows him gently, their bare arms knocking together. "So?" he asks. "Whaddya think?"

David can hardly remember the tune, let alone the words or his impression of them.

"Cool," he says. It's the universally accepted substitute for "meh". Tommy picks up on it, but instead of getting mad, he just grins, wide mouth quirking at the corners like he knows exactly what's up.

"Well, it's not for everyone," he says. "I know, I know, you weren't expecting me to drop such chill beats--I look like a rap guy, right?"

He steps away from David and holds his arms out. David's shirt hangs from his frame; too long, too baggy. His knees are grass-stained.

David holds back a smile. "You look like a skinny white boy from suburbia," he says. " _Not_ a rap guy."

"Aw, fuck you," Tommy's grin widens. "I cry racism."

"You and every other oppressed mutant from here to JGA," David drawls. "Seriously, the song was cool. I just . . . got distracted."

Tommy raises both eyebrows. "By me?" he teases. David's sure he means it in a lighthearted way, but he doesn't play along this time. He doesn't _want_ to play along. For a guy who hasn't told anyone about the terabytes of contraband data lurking under his bed, he really hates secrets. They've done nothing but screw up his relationships in the past, romantic or otherwise.

He steps closer to Tommy. It feels like a much wider gap than a single pace. His toes hold a staring contest with the tips of Tommy's sneakers, even as Tommy himself looks away.

From here, David can see the red tipped beginning of an acne spot on Tommy's upper lip, and the scruffy hint of a beard that would make Noh-Varr cry from awfulness, and the flecks of darker skin that might be freckles or just normal skin mottling.

"Yeah," he says. "By you."

He doesn't give it a lot of thought. He presses his mouth to Tommy's mouth with the kind of daring he thought he only had in him once, with Teddy, when he thought they were going to die. He kisses Tommy without the excuse of an argument or arousal or whatever he's been telling himself he kissed Tommy in the kitchen for.

He kisses Tommy for the second time in a month.

This time, Tommy kisses back, proving beyond a shadow that it isn't all in David's head.

His mouth is warm, wet. His hand closes around David's, pulling him closer, and David cups Tommy's cheek with his free hand.

He wonders if Tommy feels like they've just jumped off a cliff without a parachute, or if he's just rolling with it in his typical Tommy-always-down-for-that-Shepherd way. Probably the latter.

Tommy pulls back. His lower lip is pinker than usual. He looks like he's about to say something dickish and ruin the moment, so David kisses him again, dragging his teeth across Tommy's bottom lip. Tommy's inhale is so fast and sharp, David almost misses it. It sends a thrill of excitement through his abdomen; _he_ took that noise from Tommy. He made Tommy sound that way.

Tommy pulls away again, this time shaking David off like a dog shaking the rain from its fur.

David doesn't push his luck.

"What the hell?" Tommy asks. He's still here, so David doesn't lose his shit just yet--but it's close. He knows he didn't imagine Tommy kissing him back, but that doesn't automatically mean they're cool. It just means Tommy likes kissing. Which is . . . good, but not quite what David needs to hear.

David glances around. "Maybe this isn't the best place to talk about it?" he offers. "We _are_ in the middle of the sidewalk."

"You kissed me in the middle of the sidewalk," Tommy points out. David hates when other people use logic on him.

"I was overwhelmed with emotion," he drones, aware that he sounds the opposite.

"Bullshit," Tommy accuses.

"Bullshit," David admits. "Did you hate it?"

Tommy runs his thumb over his lips, which David finds unfairly sexy. "I don't know," he says. "It was weird."

"Weird how?"

"I don't know, just weird. Different from Kate."

"I should think so." Something occurs to David. "Have you kissed anyone other than Kate?" He assumed yes, but assumptions have a bad rep for a reason.

"Sure, I've kissed you," Tommy says, which they both know isn't an answer. "And you still haven't told me why."

"It's not obvious?" David asks.

"We aren't all as smart as you, David," Tommy says. "I can't deduce shit like motives and stuff, you gotta spell it out."

"I'm pretty sure this is basic," David replies, and crosses his arms. The shadows are getting longer. It isn't cold, but the air tastes like it will be, soon. "I kissed you for the normal reason a person would kiss another person. No motives and stuff to worry about."

"Kate kissed me to piss off Eli," Tommy says. "Cassie kissed me because she was in mourning. Lisa kissed me because she wanted to get in my head."

"It sounds like you know more about it than you claim," David says.

Tommy catches his gaze and holds it. "If you kissed me for any of those reasons, it wouldn't be okay," he says. "I forgave the girls because I knew what I was dealing with when I got involved with them. I knew what they wanted." He pauses a beat. "I don't know what you want," he admits.

David can't remember the last time someone _wanted_ to know what he wants. No one asked what he wanted on M-Day, or in the aftermath of it. No one asked what he wanted when he was fighting for Utopia. Definitely, no one asked what he wanted at the call center, except Tommy, who asked if he wanted coffee and noodles and the answer was _yes_.

Tommy's the guy he wants to say _yes_ to.

But Tommy hasn't asked for that yet.

He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and shrugs. "I wanted to kiss you," he says. "I want to do it again, if you'll let me. It's nothing deeper than that."

David, who hates secrets even though he has the nuclear warhead of all information under his bed and hasn't told anyone yet, lies.

And Tommy, who's always been spectacularly good at calling David's bullshit, who picks out David's lies because they come from a brain that's almost a carbon copy of his own, stares at him like he expected better before shoving his hands in his pockets, whirling around, and walking away.

David's lips burn, from both the lie and the kiss.

The rest of him is cold.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I forgot today was Sunday. I wish it was the first time this week I forgot what day it is but tbh I'm graduating in a month and scrambling to tie up a boatload of loose ends and I thought everything was under control but it's really not??? Anyway, thanks for reading <3 please forgive David and Tommy for being massive idiots and, uh. Smut warning for the next chapter.
> 
> See you next week!


	6. July

Kate's Fourth of July barbecue is in three days. David's been in his new apartment for six, and it's been five since he kissed Tommy on the sidewalk outside a closed soda shop.

It's been eighty-three since he picked up the Watcher laptop, and one-hundred-and-eighty-one since Tommy came back and David stood on that hill looking down at all his friends in the world and made the mistake of thinking he was normal.

Exactly half a year, and he's made no progress on Patrinot. Or Tommy. Or anything, really. He wonders if any of the great names in history sat around counting the number of days they were not-great.

"I see my mistake, now," America says in passing, on her way to the fridge. "You can't be blamed. I'm the one who gave the kid candy. We shouldn't have bought a calendar."

"Everyone needs a calendar," David says, elbows-deep in a list of events he's transcribing on their brand new Grumpy Cat calendar. "How else do you stay organized?"

"I'm pretty sure Tony Stark has an entire suite of programs for just that," America says.

"Always have a manual backup," he replies. "When's your birthday? It's the only one I don't have."

"You're conspiring with Kate," she accuses, and disappears back into her room with the entire bottle of orange juice.

"If you finish that, you'd better buy a replacement," he calls after her.

He likes dates. Dates are organized, predictable; dates distract him from the terror that's been lurking behind his nightmares and in the pit of his stomach for two-hundred-and-twenty-three days. If he can number it, it's not so bad. It's controllable, measurable, subject to the same basic rules as the rest of the universe.

He's just finishing writing his sister's graduation in the _Stuff I Guess I'm Doing Next Year_ box when his phone rings.

He hasn't gotten around to changing it from 'Filet O'Fish'.

"Hello?" he says, sandwiching the phone between his ear and shoulder as he starts to gather up the papers spread across the card table.

"Hi," Teddy says. "Is now a bad time?"

David glances at his newly printed calendar to make sure that, no, it's not a bad time at all. Actually, with the exception of Kate's barbecue, he has nothing planned for this week.

Maybe he should go to college, just for something to _do_.

"Yeah," he says, and then catches himself, "I mean yeah, go ahead, it's not a bad time."

He's still a dork around Teddy. But he's getting better.

"Okay." Teddy pauses. "Actually, can you meet me?"

"Okay," David says cautiously. "Is that all right?"

"You're in Ottawa, aren't you? Does the deli on LaSalle St. work?"

"Um--yeah," David says, still deeply confused. "How are you--"

"See you in twenty." Teddy hangs up.

David drops his phone back in his hand and stares at it like it might give him a clue to Teddy's behavior. The changeling didn't even say goodbye, and he's always been polite like that.

Also, David hasn't showered in two days and is wearing nothing but a pair of jeans he dug out of his dirty laundry pile.

He decides making himself decent for human company is more pressing than figuring out Teddy's deal. He'll know soon enough, anyway, when he meets the guy.

Tommy shows up while David's in the shower. David hopes Tommy isn't planning on making a habit of this. Their boundaries are getting severely blurred.

"So, my brother has summoned me," Tommy begins, leaning against the sink with his arms folded. "And I'm not going, but I thought I'd let you know so you have somewhere to begin when I show up mysteriously dead for ignoring the universe's most spoiled god."

"You should cut Billy a break," David says, then pauses to appreciate the extremely unlikely thing that just left his mouth. He shuts off the water and steps out, nudging Tommy aside so he can shave at the sink. "Weird, though--Teddy kind of did the same thing to me."

"Murdered you for not paying attention to him?"

"I wish," David snorts, running his brush under the faucet. "I mean he just asked me to meet him, but it wasn't exactly a request. And he hung up kind of abruptly. Maybe something's going on." He wets his face, then starts lathering soap in his dish. Tommy teases him for shaving the old-fashioned way, but David likes it. Even if it's kind of hipster. "Maybe you should reconsider standing your brother up."

Tommy wrinkles his nose. "I'd rather not," he says. "Why don't you do it instead?"

"I don't think Billy wants to see me. Ever." David swirls the lathered soap on his face.

"That's probably true," Tommy admits. He leans on the sink again, sideways so he's facing David, and re-crosses his arms. "But you're not trying to get with Teddy anymore, right?"

"I wasn't trying in the first place," David says. "But no, I'm not. Doesn't make it not weird." He sighs. "Oh well. Can't be weirder than when my girlfriend started fucking my best friend to get me to dump her."

"I'm sorry, _what_?" Tommy asks, his whole face lighting up. "Please tell me that hilarious story again. Slowly, with more details."

"I think that's the first time you've wanted to do something slowly," David says, then shuts up because he's running a straight razor across his cheek and he can't just steal Wolverine's healing factor if he messes up now.

"I could think of a few things I'd want to do slowly," Tommy says.

David flicks soap off his blade and tries to ignore the thrill that spikes through his abdomen like a signal flare. "Tell me that isn't a come-on," he says dryly. "Because it wasn't clever."

"Oh, Davie," Tommy says. "If you're waiting for me to be clever, you're going to be old and gray before we hook up."

David sets his blade down for a minute so he can give Tommy his full attention. If he doesn't pick up the pace, he's going to be late to meet Teddy, but-- "I can't tell if you're serious or not," he says. "Is this a serious thing? Are we flirting now?"

"You're bad at this," Tommy notes.

" _Yes_ ," David says. "That shouldn't be news."

"How did you snag a girlfriend before?" Tommy sounds too amused for this discussion. David suspects he's being mocked.

"Luck," David replies. "And also, girls are different. I've never . . . guys are more difficult. I don't know what to do with them."

"Yeah, I've noticed that," Tommy says, because this isn't a weird subject in the least. Especially not with David hanging all out there, having dispensed with the towel because Tommy's already seen everything. "You kind of skip straight to the awkward first kiss. Which, actually, brings us back to Teddy. You sure it's a good idea to go see him alone?"

David can't keep up.

"Are you offering to come with me?" he asks, then shakes his head. "No, wait--you have to meet Billy. You're just trying to get out of seeing him."

"Guilty as charged," Tommy snorts, then gives David a once-over. Slow, so David can't miss it. "Guess you have me all figured out, David Alleyne."

David doesn't have time for this.

He turns his attention to the sink, and Tommy gets bored and wanders off. When David emerges from the bathroom, shaved and dressed and much more respectable, the other guy is raiding the fridge.

"There's no orange juice," he complains. "Someone should get groceries."

David slides around him to grab his house keys. "You do know you don't live here, right?" he asks.

Tommy straightens, turns, and freezes. His eyes rake over David again, this time in a much less lighthearted way. "Is that what you're wearing?"

"Shit, is it bad?" David asks. "I thought I'd start wearing some of the things I've been stuffing to the back of my closet since the dawn of forever, y'know, because I liked them when I bought them . . ."

"It's . . . " Tommy recovers from whatever shocked him and sticks his head back in the fridge. "It's kind of hard to believe you don't have an agenda," he says, from inside. David's pretty sure Tommy would climb all the way in if he could.

"I always have an agenda," David says, and frowns down at his clothes. He wasn't totally sold on the green chinos, but he figured it was a nice change from all the beige and yellow. Now he thinks he might be better off throwing on a pair of Tommy's basketball shorts. "But not the one you're implying. Seriously, what's the matter?"

Tommy pulls himself out of the fridge and sighs. "Come here," he says, beckoning with one hand.

Nothing good ever came from someone saying that to David, but he obediently edges closer to Tommy, who grabs his waist.

Uh.

"What are you doing?" David asks.

Tommy tries to pinch the sides of David's shirt between his fingers, ignoring David's glare at the wrinkles that causes.

"Feel this?" he asks. "This is the feeling of a shirt that is too tight."

"Oh. Okay," David says, too nonplussed to come up with a better reply. "I mean, you only run around in spandex--"

"You look good," Tommy says flatly. "There are tiny flamingos embroidered on your shirt and you _still_ manage to look good." He releases David's apparently offensive shirt and scowls. "Like you're trying to impress someone. A Teddy someone. And you smell like fucking balsam."

Tommy's the only person David knows who can make a compliment sound like an insult.

"I'm not," David says. "Also . . . none of your business."

Tommy closes the fridge door and puts his hands on his hips. "It's my business if my brother murders you."

"What's with you and thinking Billy's going to kill everyone he dislikes?" David asks, officially entering the territory of Too Amused To Be Pissed. "And why do you care what I wear, anyway? Fashion's definitely not your thing."

He's seen horrors in Tommy's drawer. Horrors he doesn't want to talk about.

"Maybe I have a vendetta against flamingos," Tommy mutters.

David shakes his head and grabs his keys. "Look, I have to go," he says. "I don't have time for whatever this is, I'm going to be late."

"Because you were busy gussying up for Teddy." Tommy heads down the hall to David's bedroom.

"No one says 'gussying up' outside of Westworld!" David shouts after him. "Grow up!"

"Make me!" Tommy shouts back, and slams the door closed behind him.

 

* * *

 

 

Teddy is already there when David arrives. He's sitting in a corner booth with a Mets ball cap jammed low over his eyes and his shoulders hunched like he's trying to be surreptitious; impossible for a guy who tops six-three in bare feet.

David goes over and sits down, feeling like he should be delivering a cryptic message involving the crow flying at dawn.

"Hey," he says. He still feels disgruntled from how he left things with Tommy; he tries not to let it affect his tone, but it's hard when Teddy's being sketchy. He's making David nervous, and nervous and disgruntled are not emotions David wants to feel heading into a conversation with his old crush. Ex-crush? Whatever.

"Hi," Teddy says, and laces his fingers together. "You want anything? My treat."

His voice breaks on the last word; David realizes he's nervous. So . . . they're both nervous. Fabulous. It's like a first date, but without the possibility of a goodnight kiss later. It's just the terrible, fingernail-biting parts.

David lowers his hand from his mouth, since his nails are blunt enough already.

"I'm good," he says. "What about you? Is everything okay?"

Teddy shakes his head, eyes on his hands, his leg jittering under the table. "Sorry to call you out," he says. "I know it's weird. I know this is weird. But we're friends, right?" He glances at David. "We can be friends?"

"Of course," David says, partly because he still has a soft spot for the guy and partly because it's just straight-up true. David'll always take more friends, especially if they're friends who can turn into dinosaurs and wear Levi jeans that fit tight in all the right places (although not both at the same time).

"Cool," Teddy mumbles. "Because I kind of need one. I don't have any, you know. I was thinking about that yesterday."

"What?" David's already confused. "You have an entire team, Teddy."

"They're _our_ friends." Teddy stresses the word. "Mine and Billy's. We share, like we share everything." He glances at David again, then tugs the brim of his cap further down. "Sometimes I think Tommy has the right idea," he mutters. "Keeping himself separate from Billy, making sure no one thinks they're the same person just because they're twins."

David hesitates, then puts his nail-bitten hand on top of Teddy's. "You're separate from Billy," he says encouragingly.

"Am I?" Teddy asks. "I mean, that's why you suggested I take a break, right? Because I was losing my identity."

"I suggested you take a break because I was secretly hoping it would become permanent," David figures there's no point in padding his answer. He doesn't have a chance with Teddy, never had to begin with, and friendships are built on honesty. "And anyway, you guys are good now. _You're_ good now."

Teddy just looks at him.

"Is this why you called me?" David asks, withdrawing his hand. "You needed to feel independent? Live a little?"

"No, of course not," Teddy says, frowning. "I called you because I don't have anyone else to talk to. You're the only person I know who . . ." he trails off, looking pained, before coming back to the end of his sentence. "Who sees Billy for what he really is."

David doesn't like the sound of this.

"I'm worried about him," Teddy blurts out. "This morning--just a few minutes before I called you--it's scary, David. I'm scared."

"Of _what_?"

Teddy's shame-filled gaze feels like sandpaper and grit on David's skin. His answer comes out in a whisper, like he can't bear to say it at full volume.

"Billy."

"What did he do?" David asks at once. Demiurge or not, he'll find a way to make Billy pay if he hurt Teddy. Even if it's not, strictly speaking, his place to do so.

Teddy shakes his head. "Nothing, yet," he says. "It's just--the short story is, we met future versions of ourselves--"

" _What_?" David asks, equal parts intrigued and jealous. "How?"

Teddy waves the question away. "It's not important," he says.

"I beg to differ," David says, because, _time travel._

"Billy's evil," Teddy blurts out. "In the future, I mean. He's evil, so evil that even Loki thinks he's too much. _Loki_."

David gives him a blank look.

"I think Billy's the one who becomes Patri-not," Teddy says.

"That makes no sense," David says. "Patri-not became Patri-not to _stop_ Billy, or to make sure he becomes the Demiurge, or whatever . . . but, anyway, he isn't Billy. Billy's the one person we can be absolutely sure _isn't_ Patri-not."

"You don't know that," Teddy argues.

"I do," David says. "It's called logic. Billy can't be his own worst enemy. Well . . . I guess he _can_ , but not in the physical sense."

"You assume Patri-not is some kind of balance to the Demiurge," Teddy says. "You don't know for sure."

"I'm sure enough," David says. "And my 'sure enough' is the same as other people's 'absolutely positive'. Patri-not isn't Billy."

"Then the Demiurge is just evil," Teddy says. "And we're all doomed."

"I know I'm the computer guy, but you're thinking too binary," David tells him. "It doesn't have to be one or the other. I mean, look at Loki. Sometimes he's good. Sometimes he's not. We've all done bad things for good reasons and good things for bad reasons and, you know, blurred the lines a bit." He shrugs. "There's no need to jump to conclusions."

"You make it sound so reasonable," Teddy says. "Dismissing everything I've been stressing about for the last hour."

"Only the last hour?" David leans forward. "I've been worrying about this for the last six months. I've had time to consider and throw out the possibility that it's Billy."

"But what if what we've assumed is wrong?" Teddy asks. "What if Patri-not is actually a force for good?"

"Who teamed up with a parent-munching demon?" David asks. "Doubt it."

"Desperate times. Desperate measures," Teddy says, spreading his hands in a shrug. "You just said it, we've all done bad things for good reasons."

"Okay," David says, because he can't disagree with his own argument. He can't start doubting himself, not when everyone else is so very good at doing it for him. "Then let me present my current theory."

Teddy leans forward and waits, cocking his head.

David folds his arms on the table. "It's not that simple," he says.

There's a moment of silence. Confusion flits across Teddy's face. "What is?" he asks.  
"Everything. Hear me out," David says, because he gets the feeling Teddy's eyes are about to glaze over. "I've been through this with the X-Men before. With Nori. With pretty much every problem I've ever gotten bogged down in. Everybody--and I'll admit I'm painting in broad strokes here--wants to divide the world into good and bad, yin and yang, black and white. I propose that the future, and our future selves, are much more complex than that."

"You can say that," Teddy says, "but bad stuff's still bad. Morality isn't an illusion, or whatever you're trying to say." He takes in David's expression. "What? I've had an Ethics class or two in my life. I'm familiar with the idea of moral relativism."

"Moral nihilism is more what I was going for," David says. "But I get your point."

"Murdering people is bad," Teddy continues. "Cheating is bad. Hurting people is bad."

"You sound like a five-year-old."

"Patri-not is bad," Teddy says, and that's where David has to disagree.

"There's the problem," he says, jabbing his finger in Teddy's direction. "You're making the assumption that, just because Billy and Patri-not oppose each other, one of them has to be 'good' and the other has to be 'bad'. That's not necessarily the case."

"Then why travel to the past and fuck up our lives?" Teddy asks.

David sits back. "It's just a theory," he says. "I'm still working on it."

"That doesn't make me feel better about Billy," Teddy says. "I'd worry about anyone who has an unchecked source of power. Look at what Wanda did--and Billy's capable of so much more." He looks at his hands again. "The only thing keeping him in line is his own moral code," he adds. "I used to think it was unshakable, but learning that he loses it . . . it's terrifying. And I can't talk to Billy about it because he's straight-up refusing to admit any of it happened."

David's unpleasantly reminded of Tommy. He knows _exactly_ what Teddy's talking about. He feels his first twinge of real sympathy.

"I understand that you're afraid," he says gently. "You can always talk to me about it."

Teddy runs a hand through his hair, knocking off his ball cap. "Thanks," he says. "I just . . . I wish there was a way to know for sure, if this is normal or something I should worry about . . . if these are the last days I have with my boyfriend."

David swallows the lump in his throat. He has a way. He has the key at home, under his bed.

He could tell Teddy for sure.

"We'll just have to keep an eye on Billy," he says. "I'll help. I know a thing or two about controlling unruly powers, maybe Billy will let me train him a bit. It's going to be okay, Ted."

Teddy bends down to retrieve his hat from the floor. He comes up looking slightly relieved. "You wouldn't mind?" he asks. "I know you don't get along with Billy."

"I don't know him that well," David says. "I'm sure we'll be--" _friends_ would be a stretch, "--fine for an hour or so a week. And if not, at least Billy's first murder will be a nobody."

Teddy frowns at the joke, and David remembers--too late--that he's not with Tommy and that kind of humor is strictly off-limits.

"We won't let anything bad happen to Billy," he says, heading back to safer territory. "Everything will be fine."

David, who hates lies more than anything else in the world, is becoming quite adept at telling them.

 

* * *

 

The idea that he could help Teddy nags him for the rest of the day, and into the night.

It's so tempting; all he has to do is decode the Watcher data. Surely there's something in there about Wiccan, the ever-present Demiurge, capital D, as in Defender of the Universe. Knowing what will happen is half the battle in stopping it, after all. And the idea of doing it for someone else, especially a someone else as noble as Hulkling, isn't as scary as the notion of doing it for himself.

Plus, there are terabytes of info. It'll be easy to miss or skip over the parts that mention him. Maybe. He thinks. Best-case scenario.

He re-enters his apartment to find America left him a cryptic post-it note on the fridge: _gone._ ; and Tommy has put all the perishables on the counter because he's petty af.

"Real mature!" David shouts, unscrewing the lid of the milk. It still smells passable, so he puts it back in the fridge.

He doesn't get why Tommy's so pissed off. He doesn't even get _what_ Tommy's pissed off _about._

By the time he's done putting everything back in the refrigerator, he's starving. It's around the time he usually eats supper, and he skipped lunch to go meet Teddy so it's been a while since he last ate. He considers matching Tommy's pettiness and ordering takeout for one, but his better nature kicks in at the last second and he heads down the hall to his room to be the bigger man to ask if Tommy wants Chinese or Mexican.

Tommy's cross-legged on David's bed, playing XBox.

David's eyes flick to the mattress. The laptop is under there, just on the other side of Tommy's thighs. It would be easy to shove the speedster aside, plug in the key, unlock the secrets of the world. It'd be a crime to ignore information this important. He shouldn't let his fear get the better of him like this.

Tommy pauses the game and gives David an exasperated look. "What the fuck do you want?" he demands, starting off hostile and elevating from there. "Amnesty from Billy's wrath because you fucked his boyfriend?"

"I didn't fuck Teddy," David says, irritation spiking like adrenaline in his veins. He forgets what he came in here for, looking at Tommy's stupid face. Looking at Tommy there, in his thin shorts that twist and ride up and down in all the best places.

Even glaring, Tommy is something David wants. Has always wanted.

He strides to the bed and pushes Tommy down, not sure what's he's actually doing until he gets there.

"What the hell?" Tommy splutters, and David kisses him.

If he didn't, he would have gone for the laptop. And he can't. He needs a reason not to, and it's sitting here in a loose tank top that's _so_ easy to push up and over Tommy's tousled head.

Tommy's hands grab David's head, cupping the base of his neck, like he's going to pull David away--but he doesn't. Instead, he seems to forget he was ever angry. His body writhes under David's, their hips grinding together, and he wraps one leg around David's waist and--

Shit. Oh, shit.

David's chinos chafe his hardening cock, pressed tantalizingly against Tommy's, but when he reaches down to free himself, Tommy beats him to it. The sound of his shorts zipper is as damning as ripping fabric or breaking glass. He presses himself into the heat between Tommy's legs, grinding the other boy into the bed, and Tommy fumbles around for the game controller, tossing it out of the way. It makes a sharp cracking noise when it hits the floor, but David's too busy climbing on top of Tommy, knees pressing into the mattress on either side of him, to care.

It's taken too long to get here, and they're moving entirely too fast, and David just doesn't want to think for another minute about how much he wants to kiss Tommy. He doesn't want to tangle himself in the greater meaning when he could be tangling himself in Tommy's legs and does.

Tommy's heel digs into the small of his back, and David works his fingers between them to yank down the waistband of Tommy's basketball shorts. Basketball shorts are the miracle invention of the sex world. The thin, silky fabric slides over Tommy's dick like a whisper and then it's gone, and the only thing separating David and Tommy is a pair of strained briefs.

Tommy spreads his lips open at the same time as his legs, and David has no doubt they look ridiculous, grinding against each other like a pair of teenagers in the backseat of a car before curfew, trying to cram in every minute of arousal they can--he probes Tommy's mouth with his tongue, his breath catching when Tommy's darts forward to meet him.

Every time Tommy rolls his hips forward, David thinks this is it--that he can't get any higher--that he'll break any second and the wet patch leaking from the head of his dick will blossom to a full blown stain, like all of this is just a wet dream--but every time, he just peaks and peaks and rises and never quite gets there.

"More," Tommy mumbles against David's mouth, his voice low and throaty and going straight to David's balls. He laces his fingers together around David's neck, palms pressing against David's shoulders, letting him pull back without actually letting go of him.

David slides his hand between them, running his hand over Tommy's cock with the complete lack of delicacy the situation calls for. Nothing quite like quick and dirty.

Tommy's hips jerk forward; David pulls his mouth from Tommy's long enough to spit on his palm, closing his fingers around Tommy's dick again. Tommy's staring at him with fire blazing behind his green eyes; David knows what he's thinking at once.

He kisses Tommy one last time, long and slow to take with him because he _knows_ Tommy won't let him anywhere near his mouth after this, and then goes for Tommy's neck, his chest, mouthing a trail all the way down to Tommy's abdomen. He sees Tommy's eyes close, feels his back arch under David's hands.

"Fuck, yes," Tommy mutters. "You'd better be doing what I think you're doing."

David presses his mouth to the salty skin just above Tommy's pubic hair, Tommy's dick brushing his shoulder, and smiles broad enough for Tommy to feel it, glancing up in time to see Tommy bite his already swollen lip.

This is a terrible idea. David's too smart to even consider sucking off a guy whose sexual activity is a complete mystery to him without _any protection_ \--

\--which is why he isn't thinking about it. He's just doing it.

It's like sucking a lollipop, really. A strange-shaped, velvet coated lollipop that quivers on his tongue and tastes vaguely of armpit.

In the moment, David finds that sexier than his thinking-straight brain ever would. He isn't thinking straight, in any sense of the word.

He runs his tongue up Tommy's shaft, teasing the vein on the underside of Tommy's dick. His own body is quivering, itching, whining for attention but not loudly enough to be unbearable, not yet. He's willing to put aside his own state to pay attention to Tommy, since Tommy so clearly needs someone to pay attention to him.

He dips his head down, letting Tommy's dick slide into his mouth before bobbing up again. He tries a couple of different angles, absently handling Tommy's balls as he does, until he finds the one that makes Tommy gasp. Then he just keeps going until Tommy's shaking, sweaty hands pushing David's head down in search for more, hips jerking, leg muscles clenching periodically like he's tensing for impact again and again\--Tommy's almost there. 

David raises his head one last time, Tommy's cock  _ pop _ ping around his lips (exactly like a Tootsie Pop, Jubilee was right), and wipes saliva from the corner of his mouth.

Tommy's too impatient to wait, hand going to his twitching cock, and David stops him. He kneels upright again, and Tommy opens his eyes.

"We aren't--we can't--you'd better not be--" Tommy says, between heavy breaths. He never works his way around to the end of the sentence, but David knows what he means. He kisses Tommy's palm.

"Not today," he says, and brings Tommy's hand to the waistband of his underwear, which is straining under his erection. "But maybe you can help a brother out?"

"Holy fuck," Tommy groans. "You  _ dork. _ "

David thinks he's screwed up-- _ again _ \--but Tommy just puts his free hand on David's chest and pushes him over to straddle him. He yanks down David's underwear and presses his body down, grinding his ass against David's cock.

David's eyes flutter closed of their own accord, his breath going short. This is not how he pictured his night going when he woke up this morning. He's not complaining, though. There are worse ways to spend an evening than with his dick sandwiched between Tommy's smooth ass and his own stomach, the two way friction blossoming starbursts of pleasure in every nerve ending he possesses.

"Good?" Tommy asks. "Or do you--" He breaks off as David grabs his hips, making sure he bears down on just the right spots, and has to brace himself on the bed. " _ Fuck _ , David. Just do whatever the hell you--ah--"

His sarcasm melts away, his hips following David's rhythm, his face twisting with . . . something. David can't figure out what, exactly. He keeps one hand on Tommy's lower back, and with his other starts to jerk Tommy off.

"Seriously--" Tommy growls, and then grunts, his teeth clenching together, his pace becoming erratic. He was closer than David; he orgasms first, his cum soaking one of the flamingos embroidered on David's shirt. David doesn't let him stop grinding until the motion becomes too much; his eyes fixed on Tommy's face, he finally crests, letting a noise escape him that would be embarrassing under any other circumstances with any other people.

Tommy just looks vaguely proud of himself.

He pushes pale hair out of his face and collapses on his stomach beside David, grinning. "If you're going to end all of our arguments this way, I'm going to act childish more often," he says.

David forgot they were having something that, by the loosest definition of the word, counted as a spat.

"You're always childish," he says, plucking at the stain on his shirt and frowning.

"Told you I had a thing against flamingos," Tommy mutters, prying apart the buttons of David's shirt. "Fuck, I wanted to get you out of those clothes the second I saw you wearing them."

"Teddy's not interested in me," David tells him. "You know that, right? I could wear a Speedo and high heels and he wouldn't bat an eye."

"Now there's something I'd like to see," Tommy mutters, and succeeds in unbuttoning the first two buttons of David's shirt. "And it's not Teddy. It's the fact that you dress up for him."

"Baseless assumption," David says, and then, "Wait. Do you mean you were jealous?"

Tommy abandons the shirt to roll on his back. He's totally naked, his dick flopping to one side, toward David like it has fond memories of him.

He's gorgeous. David wants to roll on top of him, to kiss him again; but with Tommy's pre-cum still souring his mouth, he doubts that'll be welcome. He sits up instead, staring down at Tommy and Tommy's body and the mess he just created because the mess he was already in wasn't bad enough.

Tommy's ears and neck are red; he stares out the window instead of at David.

"You were jealous," David says, with more certainty. His brain starts making connections. "Just like in the park, when I told you about kissing Teddy. You've . . . always been jealous of Teddy."

Tommy throws an arm over his face. "You're attributing me with feelings I'm incapable of possessing," he says woodenly. "See? You aren't the only one who can use big words."

David presses a kiss to Tommy's chest, right over his sternum. He feels Tommy's heart speed up under his ribs. "Let me kiss you," he says.

"After you just sucked me off? No thanks."

"I didn't go all the way to the end," David says. "And you ruined my shirt so you owe me."

Tommy peeks out from under his arm. "Lose the stained shirt and I'll consider it," he says.

David fumbles with the remaining buttons, feeling self-conscious. He just  _ came _ in front of Tommy, but being watched as he strips off his remaining clothes is . . . worse. It feels like a bigger deal than a bump-and-grind orgasm, especially when Tommy makes no effort to hide the desire in his eyes.

David drops the shirt on the floor by the bed.

Tommy's eyes flit over him. "What are you doing this week?" he asks.

"What?" David asks, disarmed.

"Your plans," Tommy says. "What are your plans?"

"Kate's barbecue." Why are they talking about this now?

"So, nothing until Friday?" Tommy clarifies.

David nods.

Tommy pulls him down, kissing him fiercely, pinning him on the bed in one swift motion. David's stomach lurches with excitement. "Then I'm keeping you here," Tommy says breathlessly. "Hope you didn't count on seeing Teddy again this week."

"Damn, boy," David snorts, mostly ironically. But also . . . damn. He's never seen Tommy so focused on a single thing, and with the single thing being  _ him-- _ well.

"You're hard," Tommy observes, taking David in his hand. "That was fast."

"Hey, I have to keep up with you, don't I?" David asks.

Tommy kisses him again, hard, grinding David's lips into his teeth. It's not pleasant, but the possessiveness in Tommy's expression when he pulls back more than makes up for it. "You're the only one who can," he says.

There are at least ten things David should be worrying about right now, and he lets all of them hide in the back of his mind while he learns exactly how to make Tommy come again. And again. And again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should say _July (part 1 of 2)_. I can't believe this story I slaved over since last February is nearly over . . . I feel like it should be way better (and longer). Oh, well. The other half goes up next Sunday, and then I'm on a two week hiatus! Stay whelmed my friends :)


	7. July (still)

Kate knows the second she lays eyes on David; he reads it in her face.

He's screwed.

"You slept with him?" she demands, pulling him aside as he tries to hand her the hostess gift he brought (because David's polite as fuck, thank you very much). She yanks him back into the stairwell he just emerged from, leaving the rest of the roof to gossip about where they're going and what they're doing.

David hasn't seen Kate since her party, and he's relieved she's back in town, but he's not happy that she appears to know everything there is to know about him and Tommy. He blames America.

He shoves the gift at her again, not relenting until she threads her fingers through the twine handles of the "homey" (Tommy's word) paper bag he thoughtfully wrapped the six-pack of beer in. David's no more twenty-one than Kate, but  _ he _ has access to a fake I.D. that works just fine, no tears involved.

"If you think this will work as a bribe," she says, peeking in the bag to see what it is, "you're wrong. If it was a bag of Columbian coffee, well, then we'd be talking--or  _ not _ talking, as the situation dictates--but there's no way a case of Budweiser will shut me up on this one, Alleyne. It's  _ way  _ too juicy." She waggles her eyebrows.

In her white t-shirt, flag shorts, and red bandanna headband, Kate's clearly been raiding America's wardrobe--and channeling her spirit. She stands on the step above him, blocking his retreat back to the roof, and sets the gift behind her, clamping her hands down on his bare shoulders.

(David felt brave enough to go sleeveless today, and given the 90-degree weather, he's glad he did).

"Now listen," she says gravely, her expression grim and frightening, "Tommy is an old and very dear friend of mine. I wouldn't be doing my due diligence as his best female friend if I didn't threaten your life and balls right now if you ever, ever, ever,  _ ever _ hurt him."

"There go my plans for this weekend," David says dryly. "Guess I'd better put my knife kit away when I get home."

Kate slaps him upside the head, gently enough that it's barely a brush of her palm, but still. She gets her point across. "Tommy's my boi," she says, and shakes a finger in David's face. "And I like you and all but you got here about five minutes ago so I can't be too careful."

"I get it," he says, catching her hand and yanking it away from his glasses. He doesn't mind being poked in the eye (no, seriously), but smudges are a bitch to get out of the yellow, specialized lenses. "I appreciate your concern, and before you say another word--no, of course I won't tell Tommy we had the shovel talk because I'm not a complete moron."

She stares at him for a moment, then gives him a tight, red-lipped smile. "You're a dark horse," she accuses. "You came up from behind all of us and became the Tommy expert."

"You already knew that." He leans on the wall, shoving his hands in his pockets since it doesn't look like she'll be letting him back on the roof any time soon. He's a little nervous the wall will collapse; it's already crumbling in several places. He hasn't gotten around to asking why he's always meeting Kate in crummy apartment buildings, but he will. Eventually. "I heard about the Cliff Notes you left America."

"Ooh." Kate has the grace to look slightly embarrassed. "I promise I was going to add something more than just 'call David', I just . . . forgot. Hope it didn't end up being an issue."

"I'm pretty sure America burned those notes," he says. "So don't worry about it."

"Actually, she scattered them in space while singing  _ Sweet Caroline _ at the top of her lungs and flying over Mars, she took great pleasure in telling me so the second I made it back," Kate says, and sighs. "I don't know why I love her."

"It's  _ because _ she does shit like that," David says. "Trust me. I have experience in this."

Because he woke up this morning and, for the first time in four days straight, Tommy wasn't next to him ready for French toast and sex and like three minutes of conversation so they could pretend they had a normal relationship before going back to banging like rabbits. He was gone, and David realized he wouldn't love Tommy half as much if he wasn't always leaving.

It's not the leaving part. It's the surprise. The unexpected. Even the thrill of panic as David conducted a five-minute social media search to make sure Tommy was okay and just not around.

David's so . . . fucked up. In so many ways.

Or he just trusts that Tommy will always come back to him. He's not sure which.

Kate's looking at him oddly.

"What?" he asks.

"I never thought I'd see a look that dopey cross your face," she notes. "Please tell me you were thinking about Tommy, make my day."

"I was thinking about a puppy," he says, without missing a beat. It isn't a  _ lie _ . "Anyway, are you going to let me see this party of yours or am I banished to the stairwell until the fun's over?"

"You haven't given me details yet," she says, crossing her arms. "How, exactly, did this happen? What were you thinking?" Her eyes widen. "Oh my God, do you  _ like _ like him?"

He feels like he's back in high school, which is clearly when Kate Bishop stopped maturing. He sighs.

"It's complicated," he says. "Did you love Noh-varr?"

"That's--wait, are you actually asking, or are you trying to make a point?" she asks.

He thinks about it, and surprises himself. "I was actually asking," he says.

She scratches her nose. "Damn."

He waits.

"I don't know how much you know," she finally says, "but I have a history of disastrous relationships. I mean, I'm a textbook case of daddy issues and believe me, I know it. The guys I dated before Noh-varr were all, you know, substitutes. For my father." She gives him an uncomfortable smile. "Noh-varr was the first guy I had who wasn't a way to get back at dear ol' Pops, or replace him, or just . . . feel safe. It was the first time I felt like I was willingly engaging in a balanced relationship, and that part, I loved."

David isn't complaining, but he wasn't expecting such a detailed, serious answer.

She shrugs awkwardly, pushing a strand of hair back under her bandanna. "But, I mean, it didn't work out because I didn't want to, uh, you know. Be in a serious relationship. With him. I'm not sure if it was just him or if it's me, if  _ I _ don't want to play the relationship game, and I went to California to kind of figure it out, among other things, and wow I just totally let my issues hijack this convo, sorry."

"You're fine," he says. "I asked. And I'd always rather talk about other people's emotional bullshit than my own."

"Same," she says, with feeling. "But, listen, going back to Tommy--I have to ask bluntly."

"I don't think you know how to be subtle," he tells her, and she laughs.

"True," she says. "So, is it just sex?"

He runs a hand over his scalp. "Honestly, we haven't gotten as far as actual sex," he says. "Nothing's penetrated anything else."

She props her fists on her hips and fixes him with a knowing look. "You're a smart person, David, you know sex doesn't always involve penetration," she says. If he'd hoped to fluster her with his frankness, he should have known better.

He sighs. "It, like,  _ just _ happened," he says. "We haven't talked. Given that it's Tommy, it's unlikely we  _ will _ talk. He took off this morning. I'm assuming he's going to show up here, but I don't actually know, again, given that it's Tommy."

She doesn't look satisfied with his answer. "Okay, well, is it just sex on your end, then?" she asks.

He stares at the wall ahead of him, rather than the girl on the step above him. Then he transfers his gaze to Kate's strappy Roman sandals and admits, "No."

Kate punches him in the arm.

"Ow!" he exclaims, more out of surprise than pain--although she is a lot stronger than he would have expected a girl with a $150 manicure to be. "What was that for?"  
"Because you need to tell him!" she replies, matching his vehemence. "Geez! I'm horrible at relationships and even I know you should tell a guy you like him  _ before _ you bone him."

"How do you know I didn't?" he demands.

"Because if you had, Tommy would be here with you," she says. "And just for not knowing that, I'm revoking your status as Tommy Expert."

"He doesn't like being trapped," David mumbles.

"There's a difference between being trapped and having somewhere--and someone--warm to come home to," she snaps.

"Maybe he doesn't feel the same."

"And maybe my ass is blue, good God, David, did someone steal your balls while I was gone?" she asks. "This is not the guy I remember. This is not the guy who strode up to us in a diner and blew us away with his massive brain."

"We're not talking brains, we're talking dicks, and that's more complex," he responds.

"We're talking  _ hearts _ ," she says. "And you're being grossly unfair to Tommy by not being honest about yours. There. Lecture over."

"That's it?" he eyes her suspiciously.

She shrugs. "I don't want to push my luck. You  _ could _ accuse me of calling the kettle black, because, you know. America."

He grins. "I could," he says. "But I'm so happy someone other than me knows that analogy that I won't."

She looks confused, so he explains about the diner and America as they head back out onto the roof.

Bed Stuy isn't the most gorgeous place in the world, but with the late afternoon sunlight turning the sky violet and sausages frying on the grill by the chimney, there's no place David would rather be. There's an old-school boom box playing classic rock, dozens of people he doesn't know making small talk about things he doesn't care about, blue and red coolers of cold beer, and Tommy sitting over by the fire escape, chatting with Billy.

David zeroes in on Tommy like there's no one else on the roof. Kate notices him noticing Tommy and makes herself scarce, giving him a little shove toward the speedster as she heads over to chat with the grillmaster.

David joins the twins with butterflies revolting in his stomach. He should be beyond nerves, but geez. This is kind of intimidating, especially when Billy nails him with one of his best approach-mere-mortal expressions. David feels like he just interrupted something, given the way the twins look up in unison, their heads still bent together from their conversation.

"Hi," he offers, ready to back out again if it becomes clear he isn't welcome.

Billy sort of smiles. Tommy doesn't even try. He's got one leg bent, his forearm resting on his knee, the other leg dangling on the fire escape like he's prepared to flee. His white t-shirt says  _ Fuck Yeah, America! _ . Billy's says  _ Party Like It's 1776. _

David missed the clever t-shirt memo.

"Hey," Billy says. "Teddy said you wanted to talk to me about, like lessons?" He wrinkles his nose.

"Nothing that official," David says. "It'd just be coffee, maybe some meditation. Low commitment, don't worry."

Tommy shoots him a curious look, and David remembers he never got around to mentioning this to the speedster because they were too busy . . . being busy. He sort of smiles his apology, hoping Tommy understands.

Billy looks between them, then nudges his brother. "Can I tell him?" he asks.

"Tell me what?" David asks.

Tommy rolls his eyes. "Well, you have to, now," he complains. "You made it obvious."

"Last week, Teddy and I met our future selves," Billy says. "Go ahead, be jealous. I'll give you a minute."

David catches himself before he lets his confusion show on his face; Teddy already told him about that incident. But, obviously, Teddy didn't tell Billy about that. In fact, he might not have told Billy he met with David at all.

"I'm supremely jealous," he says. "How dare you meddle with time travel without me?"

"It all happened very fast," Billy says, waving his hand dismissively. "We would have called you, but--well, I guess it's a good thing we didn't." He winks at Tommy, who scowls. "Seeing as you guys were _busy_."

It doesn't take a genius to decipher Billy's tone.

"Does everyone on this roof know we hooked up?" David demands, and Billy's grin becomes wide enough to be insulting.

"Just the chosen few," he says. "Congrats, by the way. Welcome to Club Gay. We have t-shirts and flags and bomb pops."

"I'm not gay," David says, at the same time as Tommy. David adds, "I'm bisexual."

Tommy doesn't add anything. David tries not to worry about that; he's got enough to worry about already.

"Right, sure," Billy chuckles. "Whatever. Point is, you've seen the wonder of a good dick."

"This is  _ not _ the conversation I want to be having with my brother and my boyfr--boy," Tommy says, very obviously cutting off the word  _ boyfriend _ . "My boy David."

David isn't sure which one of the twins he wants to glare at more. He compromises by giving first Billy, then Tommy a dirty look.

"You," he says, pointing at Billy, "need to understand that the wonder of a good dick doesn't take away from my appreciation of a tight pussy."

Tommy mutters, "Great, now you've pissed him off."

"And you," David says, pointing at Tommy next, "can feel free to call me your boyfriend. If you want. I mean, it's fine if you don't, I'm not pressuring you into--but I'd like it, too--if it's something you . . ." His righteous indignation burns out quickly, leaving him fumbling and supremely embarrassed.

"I think he just asked you out," Billy says to Tommy. "At least, I  _ think _ that's what that trainwreck was."

David scowls at him.

Tommy swings his leg off the fire escape, standing. "It's fine, that's just David," he tells his brother, and slings his arm around David's neck. "Awkward as fuck, just like I like him." He kisses David's cheek, and whispers in his ear, "I'm murdering you for asking me out in front of my brother, so be warned."

"It was an accident," David protests, just as quietly, turning his face to Tommy's. "You're the one who went public first. Maybe I didn't want Billy knowing we, uh . . . "

"Did the sex?" Tommy offers, loudly, just as Teddy joins them.

David hides his face in Tommy's shoulder and wonders if he'd survive jumping off the fire escape.

"Who did the sex?" Teddy asks, looking between all three of them and then shaking his head. "I mean, who had sex?"

"Them two," Billy says, pointing to Tommy and David. "And don't call David gay, he'll get super bitchy about it."

"Because I'm not gay," David protests, lifting his face again.

"Doing it with a dude makes you at least a little gay," Teddy says, his expression apologetic.

"I didn't come here to talk about my sexuality," David mutters.

"No, he came here to sort-of ask me out in front of Billy, which neither of us will ever live down," Tommy says, and pokes David in the side. "Relax, man. They're just busting your balls."

"I'd rather neither of you came near my balls," David says, gesturing between Billy and Teddy.

Teddy raises his eyebrows. "That isn't the impression I got when you smashed your face into mine," he says, and then looks shocked at his own daring.

It's tense for a minute, David looking to Billy for his cue. Then he decides, fuck it, it was funny, and laughs. Tommy joins him at once, and then Teddy follows. Even Billy cracks a smile, shaking his head at David.

"I hope you aren't planning on macking on  _ all _ the guys in my life," he says. "Because my father is happily married, thanks."

None of them should laugh as hard at that as they do, but there's something to joking about all the things that have been tense between them that feels good. It feels good to be open, to wind his arm around Tommy's shoulders and enjoy the company of his friends. Teddy and Billy are his friends, and after months of  _ saying _ it, he finally  _ feels _ it. 

David sits back and lets the barbecue roll over him. He eats when Tommy shoves a plate of burgers in his hands, leaning against the fire escape that's quickly becoming their base of operations for the duration of the party. He drinks when America comes over with beer for all of them and the declaration that there's nothing more American than underaged drinking, and he helps Billy shout her down with statistics about brain damage and alcoholism and all the things they probably shouldn't be reminding themselves of while working their way through a six-pack.

He dances when Kate hauls him onto the impromptu dance floor, and he heads back over to Tommy when he sees the other boy beckon him. They light sparklers as the sun goes down, and then everyone's breaking out blankets to watch the fireworks. David and Tommy sit on the fire escape, eyeing Billy and Teddy curled up together nearby. Tommy threatens to kick them if they start "canoodling".

"Canoodling?" Billy repeats, raising a judgmental eyebrow.

"Sounds like fun. Come here," Teddy says, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and giving him a sloppy kiss. "Let's _canoodle_."

David joins Tommy in making loud gagging noises until it becomes clear the other two aren't going to let a couple hecklers ruin their makeout.

David edges further out on the fire escape, resting his back against the short cage meant to keep people from falling off the landing. Tommy scoots back to join him.

"Did you mean it?" he asks quietly. "You want to do the boyfriend thing?"

"Only if you want to," David says. "I know we haven't talked about it, but I have feelings for you. Serious ones."

Tommy doesn't say anything. It's nearly too dark to see his face, but David tries to make out his expression regardless.

"Um. Tommy?" he prompts, his heart speeding up in panic.

"Downstairs," Tommy says quietly, and then he's gone.

It takes David a minute to orient himself, to realize that Tommy didn't simply  _ run away _ , he's only moving their conversation elsewhere and that's okay, that's a tactical retreat. He slides off the fire escape, ignoring Billy and Teddy's heads turning in his direction, and Kate's impatient hiss that the fireworks were going to start any minute.

He heads down the stairwell. Tommy's waiting on the first landing; he wordlessly gestures for David to follow him into the complex, and David does. They pass a few doors with crooked numbers and scarred wood before Tommy opens one.

David starts to protest.

"It's Kate's," Tommy assures him. "I'm not breaking and entering, although, technically, she doesn't live her. But it's still hers."

"I'm confused," David says, closing the door behind him. He looks around, finding traces of the archer in the apartment, which is small and shabby but cleaner that he'd expect from the outside.

"Don't worry about it," Tommy says, and grabs his hand. He pulls David through the kitchen and into a bedroom, kicking the door closed.

David knows he's staring, wide-eyed, but he can't help it. If this is going where he thinks it's going, then he has a right to look at Tommy like the other boy's lost his mind. "What are you doing?"

"I'm nuts about you, too," Tommy says in a rush, like he was just waiting for the right moment to let the words out. "Don't ask me to say it again. I don't care if we're boyfriends or whatever but I don't want you with anyone else, especially not Billy's stupid boyfriend, so if that's what it takes to make you mine--"

"I'm yours," David assures him, and moves closer, taking Tommy's other hand. "You don't have to make me your boyfriend for that. Although." He pauses, thinks about it, decides that, yeah, "I'd like it. Especially if it means  _ you _ won't be seeing anyone else."

Tommy tilts his head up, expectant. "There are other people?" he asks, mock innocent. "You mean, I have other options?"

"I'm letting that go only because I appreciate how difficult it was for you to be serious this entire time," David tells him. "Now tell me you didn't  _ just _ bring me here to have this conversation at an extremely inappropriate and suspicious time."

"Oh? Is it suspicious for us to sneak away just as the fireworks are beginning?" Tommy asks, and grins.

David kisses that smile, and matches it with one of his own. "It's kind of a Teddy and Billy move," he says. "Might want to watch that."

"Ugh. Heaven forbid we  _ ever _ be that dumb," Tommy says.

"And yet, here we are," David points out.

"Well," Tommy sighs dramatically, letting go of David's hands and backing toward the bed. "Since we're here, and all."

"Might as well live up to everyone's expectations."

Tommy gives him a quirked smile. "You know me, I hate to disappoint," he says. "And, since we're  _ boyfriends _ now."

He pulls David down and kisses him. Even after four days straight of nothing but Tommy, David's skin still blisters with heat, every nerve ending in his body singing with joy. None of this feels real, or likely, or set to last beyond a few weeks (if David's  _ lucky _ ), but he's damned if he's not going to soak it up while he can.

Tommy breaks the kiss and wriggles around for a second; David stands back, bemused, and Tommy pulls a small, square packet out of the pocket of his denim shorts. The motion coincides with the first  _ boom _ of fireworks. Fitting. Tommy waves it at David. "Billy shared," he says. "Magnum X. I didn't ask which one of them wears it."

David stares at him, and he falters.

"Shit, are you a wait-for-anal guy?" he asks. "I didn't think--I'm not pressuring you or anything--"

David snatches the condom out of his hand and kisses him again, pushing him down on the bed. "This is the wrong place," he says, his lips on Tommy's face, his neck, as far down his chest as the collar of his t-shirt allows, "and the wrong time, and for all the wrong reasons, and I should really know better."

He kneels on the bed and yanks his shirt off. Tommy, sprawled out beside him, smiles again and unzips his shorts, pushing against the bed to slide them off and toss them to the floor.

"You aren't acting like you know better," he notes, fingers dancing to David's shorts, next. David pushes Tommy's shirt up, mouthing a trail across his chest, pausing to swirl his tongue around one of Tommy's nipples.

"Sometimes I make bad choices," he whispers against Tommy's skin. "People do that, you know. Bad things for good reasons."

Tommy chokes out a laugh. "You're getting philosophical?  _ Now _ ?" he asks. 

"No," David says. " _ Now _ I'm getting in your pants." He slips his fingers under the elastic of Tommy's underwear and yanks it down, revealing Tommy's semi-hard dick. He runs one finger over it, and Tommy shivers. "And pretending I'm not nervous as hell."

Tommy takes David's face in his hands and guides him back up for a kiss. "Trust me," he says, and flips them over.

David lays back and just lets Tommy happen to him. The fireworks boom and crack in the background, coming in waves that nearly match the rhythm of Tommy's hand, kneading David's cock. Tommy kisses him again and again; so much that David's lips start to chafe but he doesn't want it to stop. Every time Tommy kisses him, it feels like a reminder that neither of them are alone.

He ghosts his hands over Tommy's skin, but he doesn't have a doubt who's in charge right now. Tommy presses him into the mattress that isn't theirs to ruin, strips the rest of David's clothes from his body, sits back and just looks at him for the longest damn time.

David swallows, and Tommy touches his throat. His expression is intense enough to take David's breath away. He runs his hand down David's throat, across his collarbone, down his chest and stomach, all the way to the head of his dick. He thumbs the tip of it, smiling at David's shudder.

"You're incredible," he breathes, hardly sounding like Tommy at all. "I can't believe you're still here."

"I'll always be here," David responds, half talking with his dick but not saying anything he hasn't thought before. Not saying anything he doesn't mean with a deathly intensity he knows Tommy isn't ready for yet. "Doesn't matter how often you run. I'll wait."

It's Tommy's turn to swallow, and David recognizes he said something heavy, too heavy for both of them. He strains up to kiss Tommy, to forget the moment, and it works. Tommy's lips move against his, mouthing words David can't hear or understand, his tongue flicking out now and then to electrify David's mouth. He kneads David's cock in a slow, mesmeric rhythm. His own erect dick brushes David's stomach with each roll, but he doesn't go any farther until David brings the condom back into play, holding it up questioningly.

"Are you ready?" Tommy asks, breaking their kiss to nod at it.

David shakes his head.

"Will you be ready if I help?" Tommy asks, and David nods before he can think too hard about it because if he thinks too hard about any of this, he'll chicken out. And he doesn't want to do that, he's just really, really good at overthinking and there are some times--like now--when he can't let himself analyze a situation because that would only ruin it.

Tommy takes the condom from him and rips it, easily sliding it on. David watches the motion, watches Tommy's dick twitch at the stimulation. The rubber is tinted pink, turning Tommy's skin a shade darker than normal. He leans over to the nightstand, rummaging around in it for a quick second before yanking out a bottle of lavender-scented lotion.

"This is going to be awkward on several levels," he warns, before popping open the cap. "More than usual, because--" he sniffs the bottle, "yup, this smells just like Kate."

David doesn't know whether to groan or crack up.

Tommy bends down to kiss him again. "Hold your breath, it'll hurt less and you'll come faster," he advises.

"You aren't serious."

Tommy just smiles. He squirts a fair amount of lotion on his palm and reaches down to rub the bridge of skin between David's dick and asshole. Another firework whines and cracks. Tommy presses a finger into David's asshole, and David shudders. He expected it to hurt like hell, and it does, especially when Tommy immediately adds a second finger, but also--

Also, the skin pulled tight around his arse is extremely sensitive, and when Tommy starts stroking David's dick along with the motions of his probing fingers, it feels better. Nearly good.

Tommy tongues in his mouth, keeping him distracted from what's going on below his waist. David knows, intellectually, what Tommy's doing--opening him up, relaxing him--but he wasn't prepared for how it would _feel_. He wasn't prepared for any of this.

Maybe he'll be the one to bail because it's getting too real.

But for now, he arches in to Tommy's fingers and chokes back a gasp when Tommy yanks them out with a pop.

"Close your eyes," Tommy orders, sliding off David's glasses to kiss his eyelids. "Take a deep breath."

"Oh, shit," David mutters.

"Don't shit," Tommy says. David's pretty sure he's joking. Probably. He doesn't like the smile on Tommy's face. "Seriously, David," he says quietly, his tone ten shades more patient than normal, "it's okay. Tell me you trust me."

David nods.

"Say it out loud, dipshit."

"I trust you," David says, and then pulls a face because, hello, corny.

Then Tommy eases himself inside David's ass and David understands. His hands fly out of their own accord, seizing fistfuls of Tommy's hair-- "Holy _fuck_ ," he grunts, lacking any other words to describe the forest fire blazing in his asshole. It isn't a good feeling. "Fuckfuckfuckfuck--"

He'd never do this for someone he doesn't trust. No, scratch that, he'd never do this for someone who isn't _Tommy_. Any other guy would be halfway across the room at this point, kicked to the curb the second David's theoretical knowledge of anal sex became practical.

"I know, I know," Tommy says, still in that patient tone. He kisses David's temple, then his forehead, and grabs the lotion bottle again. When he starts massaging the skin around David's asshole again, David tightens his grip on his hair.

It's possible Tommy will also wind up thrown across the room before the end of this. David's not sure how far his tolerance extends, but Tommy's definitely pushing to the end of it. To his credit, Tommy lets David pull the living daylights out of his hair in the meantime.

Tommy rolls his hips slowly, his dick pushing further in before carefully, carefully easing back out. David grits his teeth, but to his surprise, the fire is dying down, replaced by a subtle, more manageable burn that almost feels like arousal. He tilts his chin up, and Tommy obligingly kisses him, opening his mouth to scrape his teeth across David's tongue. David closes his eyes, like he should have two minutes ago.

Okay. He's having sex with another man. Who was his best friend and is now his boyfriend.

He can handle this.

"I was kidding about holding your breath," Tommy says, sounding worried. "David?"

"I'm good," David says, and finds it isn't a lie. "You can move. Not, like, in a crazy porn way, though."

Tommy chokes out another laugh, and presses his face to David's bare shoulder. "I couldn't manage crazy porn right now if I tried," he admits. "I've almost come, like, three times already."

David hits him, gentle and open-palmed, between the shoulderblades. "Then get on it," he says. "This isn't a Sunday picnic."

"Oh my--" Tommy's shoulders shake, and his voice does, too, with laughter. "You're such a dork."

"And you're a jerk," David mumbles.

Tommy kisses him again, and they become serious again. Tommy slides almost all the way out of David before plunging inside again, fucking him slowly, reminding David of Tommy saying there were some things he'd do slow. He wasn't kidding. The dull ache pooling low in David's abdomen changes, nearly becoming good; after only a few strokes, however, Tommy stiffens and shudders and digs his hands into the mattress on either side of David's head, his eyes squeezing closed and his dick pulsing and jerking out of David's ass as his hips buck.

Tommy's whole body is shaking. _David's_ body doesn't know if it wants to be pained or aroused or doing something else entirely, like watch TV or fight lizard-creatures or possibly jump out the window.

(David should probably talk to someone about his tendency to Abort Mission to the extreme)

"I--shit--sorry--" Tommy pants. "I'm usually better--at _not_ \--"

"It's fine," David says, rolling over to reach for his shorts. Tommy stops him.

"Where the hell are you going?" he demands.

"The fireworks are probably winding down," David says. "We're going to be missed."

Tommy scowls at him. "You aren't walking out of this room without getting off," he says.

"It's fine," David says. "I've gotten off on you a lot over the past few--"

Tommy cuts him off with another kiss, and says, "Think of it as training. In a few weeks, I'll have you coming from my dick alone."

"I'm sorry, what--"

Tommy grabs his cock, clearly not brooking any further conversation. With his other hand, he works a finger into David's still-throbbing ass.

David closes his eyes and takes a page from the Borg. _Resistance is futile._

Tommy absently kisses him as he touches him, his fingers probing, doing strange things that his dick didn't mange to do to David's insides. He presses against the lining of _something_ , and David inhales sharply because _damn_ that feels good--

And then Tommy starts vibrating his fingers, pressing his mouth to David's neck at the same time, and it's all over. David's body bucks, the orgasm slamming into him out of nowhere, hard enough to hurt, hard enough that he wants to run, spots bursting into supernovas behind his eyelids, and even when he was a teenager it wasn't this quick. He's being incinerated from the inside out, fire raging through him, burning away every memory he has of being cold and alone and turned down by Teddy Altman.

( _Fuck_ , why is he thinking about that now?)

He collapses, feeling like the wind just got knocked out of him. He's shaky and exposed and has just enough presence of mind to pull Tommy toward him, just for the sake of embracing him.

For fuck's sake, he's become _cuddly._

"Oh, good," Tommy breathes in his ear. "I was concerned about my reputation, for a second there. Good to know I still give the best fucks."

"Last I checked, you gave no fucks," David says, his voice rusty. "It's kind of your thing."

Tommy squeezes him tightly and whispers, "I give a fuck about you."

For him, that's practically a declaration of love.

David thrusts one hand in Tommy's hair and holds him there, tight-tight-tight, and squeezes his eyes shut and wishes he could hold time as still as he can the boy in his arms.

He's so fucking in love with this boy.

 

* * *

 

It's about time for everything to go to shit.

David's lived through enough _thought-it-was-a-happy-endings_ to recognize it, and he opens his eyes with the overwhelming feeling that he'll regret waking up this morning.

His eyelids are gritty from sleep, and he reeks of his sweat and Tommy's sweat and stale cum and the beer Tommy spilled on him by accident last night when they rejoined the party. He's staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. Tommy's arm is heavy across his bare chest, humidity gluing their skin together. Tommy's hair tickles David's shoulder.

He's groggy and stiff as he pushes his boyfriend (oh holy fuck he has a boyfriend) off him to sit up. His back screams in protest, and his neck definitely curses the existence of wooden floors, even wooden floors semi-padded with a rug and a couple pillows. David rubs his eyes. On the couch a few feet away, Billy and Teddy are curled up like puppies, all tangled up in each other. Billy's back is to the room, face pressed to Teddy's sternum, but Teddy is propped up on one elbow and facing outward, like he's been keeping vigil over them all for some time now.

David looks around. Realizes he's in the Kaplan family living room. Realizes he's _half-naked_ and _smelling of Tommy_ in the Kaplan family living room.

Coming here seemed like a good idea last night.

Teddy smiles when he sees David's awake. On David's other side, America is zonked out under the coffee table, and Kate is curled up on the floral-patterned armchair that matches the couch. The television is playing the morning news, volume turned down to nearly nothing. According to the timestamp, it's just after six a.m., but with the bright sunlight flooding the room, it feels much later.

David gives Teddy an uncomfortable half-smile and looks down at Tommy. His boyfriend (!) is going to flip the fuck out when he wakes up here. Tommy wasn't sober enough to make this decision last night, and David wasn't thinking straight for reasons of his own. One of the first things Tommy told David, back when they were aimlessly wandering through the land of coffee-buddies-but-not-quite-friends, was how much he hated the Kaplans' house.

And this is weird, like really weird.

Tommy nudges his face against David's thigh, snuggling closer in his sleep, and David goes still, wondering if the speedster's about to wake up. He doesn't.

"In case you were wondering," Teddy says, in a voice calculated to carry to David's ears and no farther, "yes. It was _very_ obvious you two fucked in Clint's room. You'll be getting a dry cleaning bill for that."

David raises his eyebrows. "Tommy neglected to mention we were in an _Avenger's_ apartment," he says, making a mental note to _kill_ his boyfriend.

 _(!boyfriend!_ his mind is still doing somersaults around that one)

"It's cool," Teddy says. "Billy fucked me in the Avengers' HQ once. Much worse."

David covers his face with one hand. "This is still really embarrassing," he says. "I'm not . . . I don't--I like my sex life to be private."

"You're dating Tommy Shepherd," Teddy says. "Kiss privacy goodbye." He pauses. "You guys are dating, right?"

David absently brushes Tommy's feather-white bangs out of his face. "Seems that way," he says. He's reluctant to make it so official. He doesn't want to jinx this lucky streak.

Teddy tilts his head, his expression bemused. "Are you happy?" he asks. The question calls back to his declaration outside Kate's apartment, months ago now; a night that feels as far away from this claustrophobic and surreal moment as night from day--or winter from summer.

David clasps his hands around his raised knee and thinks about the question. He thinks about all the loose ends still tangling them--Patri-not's identity, Billy's powers, the Watcher data no one knows David has--and about all the choices he's been putting off.

_Denial._

_Choose wisely._

_Dead man walking._

"I love Tommy," he finally says. It feels funny to be admitting it to Teddy, of all people, before he tells Tommy himself. But it's kind of poetic, as well. Teddy's his coming-out buddy, after all. "I don't need to be happy. Or that makes me happy, I don't know. I don't think happy is necessarily a goal as much as something that happens to us along the way, in periodic bursts."

Teddy frowns. " _I'm_ happy," he says.

David thumbs Tommy's cheek, and the prickle of pale stubble under his thumb makes him _happy_. Tommy's breath on his wrist makes him _happy_. But later today, when Tommy's taken off for some other country? Or when David finally goes back to his apartment and there's nothing to distract him from the laptop under his bed? _Happy_ doesn't last. He'd rather place his bets on something more permanent than _happy_.

` He's been around long enough to recognize when he's found something concrete inside himself. Looking at Tommy, he feels like the fog has finally lifted and he _knows_. The confusion he's been wrestling with since the night with Patri-not is gone, replaced by the indelible ink of his feelings for Tommy.

He doesn't say any of that to Teddy.

"Good for you," he says instead, and means it. "Enjoy it."

"You're strange, David Alleyne."

David lays back down, nose to nose with Tommy. He doesn't care that Teddy's watching, or that Tommy's rank breath is worse than all of their unpleasant body odors combined, even with his mouth closed. He studies Tommy's face, memorizing the sharp lines, the blemishes, everything.

"I'm okay with being strange," he says, and Tommy opens his eyes.

His pale eyebrows slant down. "Morning," he says, and yawns. David wrinkles his nose and inches backward as the wave of bad breath hits him.

See? Now he isn't happy. It's as fleeting as that.

"Morning," Teddy says, and Tommy's sitting up in a second, head jerking around to take in their surroundings. He focuses on David first, his expression clearly betrayed. Davids holds up his hands-- _hey, don't blame me._

"Is it time to get up?" Billy asks sleepily, pushing against Teddy's chest and righting himself. He rubs his eyes, his frowning, just-waking-up expression identical to his twin's. "Why are we at my house?"

"It seemed like a good idea last night," David says dryly.

"Lots of things seemed like a good idea last night," Tommy says, and David gives him a sharp look. Even for Tommy, it's a little soon to be regretting having sex.

Tommy catches his eye, and gives him a reassuring smile that doesn't quite touch his anxious eyes. David gets the message clear enough: _it isn't you._

"We should head out," David says, still reading Tommy's expression. "Maybe hit the McDonald's."

He can feel the nervous waves running over Tommy's skin like they're his own. He doesn't know exactly why, but he knows Tommy woke up on edge and it's time to go. He's pretty sure it has something to do with the house.

"At least wait until the girls wake up," Billy protests, twisting to get off the couch and stretch. Teddy sits all the way up, mirroring his boyfriend and arching his back. "And say hi to my parents, and stuff."

"I, for one, am not sticking around to hear what Kate has to say about what we did in Clint's apartment," David says, getting to his feet. He's so stiff, he feels like an old man. He looks around for his sweatshirt in the sea of abandoned clothing, and comes up empty-handed. "Anyone seen a sleeveless sweatshirt? Specifically, the one I was wearing last night?"

"Last I saw, I was stripping it off you," Tommy says, also standing. "So I'd put good money on it still being on Hawkeye's floor." He grins, the picture of his usual rugrat self, but it's too rehearsed for David to really believe it.

"You two are horrible," Billy says conversationally. "Seriously, though, you should stay. Today's waffle day."

"Mr. Kaplan makes the best waffles in the world," Teddy adds, running his fingers through his blond hair. Predictably, it sticks up in all directions when he's done.

Billy pokes him in the side. "Will you _please_ start calling my dad 'Dad'?" he begs. "He's only been badgering me for _months_ about it."

"I can't, it feels too weird," Teddy says. "I bang his son, it's way too . . . familial."

David glances at Tommy, who glances back with the same level of I-can't-fucking-deal-with-this-right-now. His expression suggests he's going to start breaking things if they don't split.

"Tell your parents I appreciate their hospitality," David tells Billy. "But we have to go."

"Pressing business at Sociopaths Anonymous?" Billy grumbles, but David ignores him, snagging his shoes from under the coffee table, next to America's ear. Tommy stuffs his feet in a pair of flip-flops and raises his eyebrows at his twin.

"Bye, Felicia," he says.

David grabs his elbow and tows him out before he can start a fight. He can pretty much feel Tommy holding his breath until they find their way out of the house. Stepping into the perfect, cookie-cutter neighborhood, Tommy tilts his face to the sky and takes a deep breath.

"Fuck," he says, thrusting his hand through his hair. His voice is as twisted as the vines climbing the side of the Kaplan house, and his hand tightens, tugging on his hair like he can drag the emotions out by the roots. "What a nightmare."

"It's just a house." David feels the need to play devil's advocate, in the hopes of goading Tommy into talking more. He never hears enough of what Tommy's thinking.

"It's a prison," Tommy says flatly. "I'm sorry, I just . . . I can't ever do that, David, you know? I can't call your father 'Dad' or brag about his waffles or be some perfect boyfriend and the second you start talking retiring to the suburbs, I'll fucking _drop_ you, and I know that's not fair but--"

"Hey, hey," David interrupts, stepping in front of him. "Who said that's what I want?"

Tommy blinks at him. "Isn't that what everyone wants?"

"Not you," David points out.

"Yeah, but I'm weird," Tommy says.

David sighs, and puts his arm around Tommy's shoulders, pulling him down the sidewalk. He can't shake the feeling that at least one of the Kaplans' neighbors is watching them from behind their lace curtains. "You can call my dad Chris," he says. "My mom's Dorothy, and my sister's a brat. And I'm a fucking superhero, Tommy Shepherd, I'm not retiring to the suburbs." He flicks Tommy's ear for emphasis. "Maybe start asking me about this stuff before assuming I'm just like those two." He gestures back at the Kaplan house.

"Fuck you," Tommy grumbles, but he looks gratified.

David doesn't add that he won't be retiring anywhere; that his future involves giving up whatever home he makes with Tommy, and that's why it's so easy to give up the dream now. He'll never have Tommy anywhere, not in the suburbs, not in the city, not in a secret base or apartment or retirement home. Their relationship has an expiration date.

A lump forms in his throat. He's never thought about what he wanted before, not out of his future. So far, he's just been rolling with whatever comes his way--taking the job with Loki, signing up for college with America, falling into the rabbit hole with Tommy. Even before Patri-not delivered his sentence, he wasn't a daydream-about-the-future kind of guy.

Tommy rests his head on David's shoulder. "You should let me run you back to Ottawa," he says. "It's going to take forever at this pace."

"Secret identities," David protests.

Tommy snorts. "Never saw the point." He pinches David's side. "Besides, the faster we get home, the faster we can start fucking again."

David cracks a smile. "Is that all you're thinking about right now?"

"What the hell else is there to think about?" Tommy stops, and yanks David's head down. The kiss tastes bitter, but David doesn't care. He willingly pulls Tommy close, their hips banging together, opening his mouth to tongue into Tommy's. He can feel his boyfriend's heart pounding, and it makes him smile.

Tommy breaks the kiss and grins. "Your breath's fucking awful," he says, and wipes his tongue on the back of his hand.

David snorts. "Yours is worse, trust me," he says, and then (because he's David Alleyne and his big fucking mouth hates him), "I love you."

Shit.

Tommy's face goes blank, and David steps back, holding his hands up in mock surrender.

"It's not a big deal," he says rapidly. "Sorry. I know it's soon--well, I mean, we've known each other for about a year now so it's not like _soon_ soon, but as far as anything official--"

"I don't love you," Tommy blurts out.

 _Shit_.

"Oh," David says. "Well, yeah, that makes--I'm sorry--" Damn, he's screwed up. He knows better than this--he's _smarter_ than this--it's about ten years too early to say those three words to someone like Tommy Shepherd, and David is supposed to be the expert.

He's starting to realize he doesn't actually know the first thing about Tommy.

Tommy's face is bright red. David isn't feeling so chill, either.

"I have to go," Tommy says. "Sorry. I have . . . stuff."

"Okay," David says. He thinks he might still be in shock. The idea of Tommy running someplace far from here is an extremely appealing one.

And then--in some extremely warped form of wish fulfillment--the ground literally opens up and swallows Tommy whole, leaving David to stare at the place his boyfriend (ex-boyfriend? already?) was just standing.

The pavement in front of David is empty.

Tommy is gone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate all the reads and comments and reviews <3 you guys are great. but you knew that already.
> 
> To quote one of my customers: Happy Easter, _if that's your thing_!  
> (yes. it was said with that strange emphasis.)
> 
> I've needed to take a break on this story for a couple weeks, now, and I figured this was probably the best (or worst, depending on your perspective) time to do it. Thank you so much for the kudos and comments and etc.; happy spring; catch you on the flip side!


	8. August 1st

David writes articles with Loki.

He starts classes. America's History teacher kind of hates them both.

He pulls the laptop with the key to the Watcher data out from under his bed. It sits on his desk now, winking at him with its green standby light. He doesn't open it.

 


	9. August 8th

David's kind of friends with Billy. Teddy sets them up, but the rest happens organically. They bond while searching for Tommy. This all feels uncannily familiar.

 

 


	10. August 15th

David exhausts his X-Men contacts. And his Avengers contacts. And his slightly-less-than-aboveboard contacts. He learns that a human being can survive off three hours of sleep a night. He learns a missing (ex?) boyfriend doesn't stop him from waking up, totally hard, from brief wet dreams that could be, at this point, categorized more as hopeless fantasies about Tommy than anything else.

He exhausts himself, and he learns that--even for a former psychic-- _without a trace_ is a very real thing.

 


	11. September

David stares at his calendar. It's September 5th, which means it's been exactly two months since Tommy disappeared in front of David's own eyes. He just got off the phone with his last last-ditch attempt to find Tommy without using the Watcher data.

It's time.

_Choose wisely._

He puts the calendar away. No, he thinks. This isn't a choice. It's just the only option he has left, and he hopes to God that it will actually help, after all the time he's spent building it up in his mind.

He's had a lot of time to think over the last eight weeks, along with worry himself sick and fall apart on the inside like a boss. He's had a lot of time to miss someone who, when he was here, spent a hell of a lot of time running from David anyway, and he's come to realize something important.

He's totally fucked.

He can't win. At the end of the day, he's still the guy in gray Converse who gets his heart broken. Billy has the happy ending. David has the door prize. Door A contains a horrific future as a body of energy whose sole purpose is to fuck up Billy Kaplan, and Door B contains a horrific future as a single, lonely superhero who's mysteriously absent from anyone else's future.

This is it. He's been backed in a corner--the universe grabbed a trump card the second Patri-not stole Tommy last year and David's baby bisexual heart died and died without understanding why. He. Is. Fucked.

He's in his bedroom with Teddy (not half as exciting as it sounds) when the fact really hits home. He lunges over his bed to throw open his window--Teddy looks up from his own laptop with alarm, but David's too busy dry heaving onto the sidewalk two stories below to do more than dimly register the motion in the back of his mind.

"Dude," Teddy says, sounding alarmed.

David's hands are clenched so tightly around the windowsill, he's lost all feeling in his fingers. Still, he doesn't dare let go, not with more than half his body leaning out into the cool, fall air.

He feels Teddy massaging slow circles between his shoulderblades, senses Teddy's weight on the bed beside him, but doesn't feel safe enough to come back inside--not yet. His head is spinning, and he needs the cold. He needs to _feel_ cold, to go back to the morning on the hill last January where the only prickle of warmth in his body was his lips. Everything was good then. Confusing, but good.

"Focus on my voice," Teddy says. "Try not to breathe so shallowly. I know it's difficult, but all that oxygen flowing to your brain will screw your head up. You know that, right?"

David didn't realize he was doing it, but sure enough, his breath is coming hard and fast and Teddy's right. It's called hyperventilating, and it explains the nausea and the heat.

He can hear Teddy counting inside, from one to five and back again. He times his breath with the numbers, squeezing his eyes shut. It's hard to keep the panicked thoughts at bay--Tommy gone, Patri-not, the future, like literally fucking everything that's fucked up--but he tries. He focuses on Teddy's voice because there isn't a universe where he doesn't still find Teddy a ball of comfort, even if he's a ball of comfort that belongs to someone else.

He doesn't know how long it is until he feels well enough to pull himself back into the apartment, but it feels like hours. He collapses on his bed, cross-legged, across from Teddy. Teddy sits back, his expression concerned, but doesn't say anything.

David stares at his own hands, folded in his lap.

"Aren't you going to ask?" he asks. His mouth is bitter and thick with bile. Ew.

"I go through this with Billy sometimes," Teddy says quietly, calmly. Steady as an anchor in a hurricane. "I've learned it's best not to. It usually just brings on another attack. When you're ready to talk about it, I'm listening."

David closes his eyes again.

"You're safe here," Teddy adds. "Everything in this room is under your control."

"Does that work with Billy?" David asks, feeling like he's talking to the back of his eyelids.

"Yes," Teddy says. "Granted, it might be slightly less effective when not talking to a reality warper."

David chokes out a laugh. "Nothing's under my control," he says. "That's the problem. I'm so used to thinking--to _fooling myself_ \--that I'm in charge. I've got the knowledge. Like I'm not just another pawn."

Teddy pats his knee. "I get that," he says, his tone still even and stable. "I know exactly how you feel. I was afraid Billy was playing me like that, remember? Dressing me up as his fairy-tale prince."

"How did you get over that, again?" David asks, tightening his fingers around each other. "The power of love?"

He can't help his deeply sarcastic tone. It's his best defense.

The bed creaks as Teddy shifts his weight. "Logic, actually," he says. "It's pretty simple. Either I have autonomy and the problem is all in my head, in which case I needed to get my head out of my ass and get back to my boyfriend, _or_ I didn't have autonomy, in which case I was going back to Billy any way. Either choice, Billy was always--and is--my fate. The only thing to do was make my peace with it."

 _Choose wisely_.

David opens his eyes. "Holy fuck," he says.

Teddy frowns. "What?"

Patri-not wins either way. Whether David opens the Watcher laptop or doesn't, the entity still exists. The future is still intact. _Someone_ still gives up their body for the greater good.

 _There_ _is_ _no_ _choice._

"I don't have a choice," David says. "I'm Patri-not."

"What?" Teddy repeats. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Right," David says, unfolding his legs and swinging them off the bed. "Get up. Get _up_." He has to say it twice; Teddy is staring at him like he has no idea what's going on. David thumps the mattress for emphasis, and Teddy scrambles off the bed, nearly crashing into the TV stand.

"You're Patri-not?" Teddy demands. "How is that possible?"

"Check my wiki page, it'll explain," David mumbles, falling back on sarcasm as he yanks up the mattress and pulls the laptop out from under it. "Meanwhile, I'm saving my fucking boyfriend."

If he's going to be Patri-not one way or the other, then he's using the data to get Tommy back. He's been so _stupid_. He prises open the lid, types in his password. The document he hid his key in is still pulled up on the screen, and it's easy to highlight the code in the seemingly innocuous article. It takes him longer to launch it, since he has to deploy it across hundreds of systems, and it'll take even longer for the program to collect all the data in one place. He sets it on his desk to run and turns back to Teddy, who looks in dire need of an explanation.

"I kept the Watcher data," David says, without preamble. "I'm not sorry. It's important and I couldn't let it go."

Teddy blinks. "And it told you that you become Patri-not?" he asks. "The Watcher could see the future?"

"No and no," David says. "I haven't opened it until today. I've been too afraid to confirm it." But, once again, Teddy's brought out the stupidly brave in him. "Patri-not all but told me I was the one who becomes him. It makes sense. And the Watcher couldn't see the future, but he did see people all over the world who could. Once I'm done unscrambling the data pad and gathering it on the hardrive here, I'll just run a simple query on Tommy's name, or his description, or anything, really. Think of it like the Google of all secrets."

"I think SHIELD has something like that," Teddy says absently. His brow furrows. "You really think you're Patri-not?"

"It's a slight leap, but the entity chose male form so I'm assuming it isn't one of the girls," David says. "You already know why I believe it isn't Billy, and . . . well, I'm sorry Teddy, but you just wouldn't do it. There's no way in hell you'd ever fight Billy and we both know it. And even if you did, he'd never see you as an enemy. He'd reality-warp you back into existence the second he had a nightmare."

Teddy shrugs, accepting that.

"So it's either me or Tommy," David concludes. "And Tommy's a sociopath and all but I think he'd draw the line at kidnapping himself. Plus, Patri-not knew things about me . . . well, you know, it's a tale as old as time travel."

"Wow," Teddy says. "You've known about this for almost a year? You never said."

David gives him a tight-lipped smile. "I'm used to handling things alone," he says. "Besides, it's not like any of you could have _helped_."

"But you wouldn't have been alone," Teddy says. "I know how it feels to carry a secret all by yourself--it isn't fun."

"I didn't need sympathy," David says. "I just needed answers. But I was afraid to open the laptop--I've seen myself corrupted by knowledge before, by arrogance. I know it's my weakness. I thought if I ever used the laptop, it would wind up being some kind of gateway drug that led me to Patri-not. I know it sounds crazy," he gives a short, bitter laugh, "but you saw the entity. It or he or whatever was convinced he controlled everything."

Patri-not pulls the strings, and the rest of them get tangled. The future happens the way future-David wants it to, whether present-David agrees or not.

He can't believe he didn't see this before. It's just so . . . simple. The world is burning whether he scrambles for a bucket or not, so he might as well unfold a lawn chair and enjoy the blaze.

Teddy sits with him while they wait for the data. There isn't anything left to talk about, really; small talk falls flat, anti-climatic after David's lengthy expo. He appreciates that Teddy's trying to process the atomic level shit David's just dropped on him; he doesn't press for chit-chat.

Billy calls, and Teddy walks out of the room to take it. David assumes he's filling his boyfriend in on what's happening, especially after hearing Teddy snap, uncharacteristically sharp, "He was doing his best."

Billy's probably not happy about the Watcher data. David doesn't blame him. He'd be more alarmed if Billy _wasn't_ pissed about all the things David's been lying about. He expects forgive-and-forget from Teddy, but not Billy. Never Billy. And he's completely okay with that.

Someone has to keep him in line.

The thought strikes him just as his laptop pings, letting him know he can begin browsing the data. The files aren't done copying, but enough has been recovered that he can view a preliminary file. He leans over and launches his word program.

Billy will keep an eye on him, same as he's keeping an eye on Billy. Billy won't let him hurt anyone--just like he's the balance for the Demiurge, the Demiurge is the balance for him. The connection goes both ways.

The document pops up on screen. The first few sentences are nonsense; the next is a complete thought; the next three are jumbled. Until his key is completely done, some of the data will still be scrambled.

Teddy comes back in the room, stuffing his phone in his front pocket. "Hey. What's going on?" he asks. "Is it ready?"

"Part of it," David says. "I can at least get started." He opens the Search function and types in Tommy's name--the superhero one, not the civilian identity. The Search window informs him there are 21,000 matches for the word "speed", and asks if he wants to sequentially view each one.

"This is going to take a while," he tells Teddy. "You'd better call the others."

 

* * *

 

"This is impossible."

Kate is the first one to crack, slamming her head on David's desk like she's hoping it'll knock her unconscious. America rubs her back sympathetically, her eyes still glued to the tablet they're sharing.

"There's something in here we can use," Billy says, but he looks at David like he needs confirmation.

David doesn't have any to give him. For all he knows, he's been sitting on a huge red herring this entire time. It's been three days since they started in on the Watcher data, David dividing it across several devices so they could each have a section to read and save time, and no one's found anything, except a few random tidbits of information about the Avengers' sex lives that David wishes he could forget.

He'd been so naive, convinced opening the laptop would end all of this. Instead, it's only been the beginning. He stares at his own screen; apparently Tommy becomes the godfather of Kate's first child, according to a seer in Ireland who probably doesn't even know who the hell Speed is. He chooses not to share the info aloud. He knows firsthand how shitty it is to know your future.

"At the very least," Teddy volunteers, "we can find the names of a few psychics who can help."

"If they're willing," David points out. "Would you help some stranger who shows up on your doorstep?"

Teddy and Billy both give him looks like he should already know the answer to that.

"Of course," he sighs. "I forgot. Well, psychics are notoriously xenophobic, and even the ones who aren't still value their privacy, like any human being would."

"But there's a boy's life at stake," Billy says.

"You live in a fantasy world," Kate says, head still on the desk.

"I'm not listening to you until you start contributing again," he snaps.

"Okay, guys," Teddy says placatingly. "Maybe it's time for another takeout break?"

David slams the lid of his laptop. "No, it's time for you guys to go home," he says. "This is pointless."

"David," Billy protests. "You don't know--"

"We would have found something by now," David cuts him off. "We're wasting our time."

"We don't have any other leads."

"Thanks for the fucking reminder!"

David can't remember the last time he raised his voice at someone who wasn't Tommy. He can't meet Billy's eyes.

"Guys," Teddy says.

"Look, sometimes people need to fight," Billy snaps. "It's healthy. Go on, David, yell at me. Blame me for shit that isn't my fault--that's your thing, right?"

"Are you  _ trying _ to pick a fight with me?" David demands. "Because it's working."

"Both of you, grow the hell up," Kate groans.

"Coming from you? That's rich," Billy says.

" _ Guys _ ," Teddy repeats.

"Maybe now isn't the best time to get involved,  _ chico _ ," America tells him.

"Will you all shut up and read this?" Teddy says loudly, shoving his phone toward David. "It's about Tommy--you know, our friend? The one we're all  _ looking _ for?"

David takes the phone. Everyone else looks chastised.

"What is it?" Billy asks, leaning over David's shoulder.

"Something that makes no sense," David says quietly. He reads and re-reads the sentence, but he still doesn't understand. His mind won't let him understand.

"What does it say?" Kate asks, straightening. "Don't hold out, guys. Is it about Tommy?"

"It can't be," David says. He looks at Teddy. "It's just a coincidence."

Billy grabs the phone out of his hand and frowns. "He's right."

"I don't think he is," Teddy says softly.

"There's  _ no way _ ," Billy says emphatically.

David's biting his lip. He doesn't realize until the skin starts to smart and burn. The rest of him is frighteningly cold, like his veins switched to ice water to save money.

_ Dead man walking. _

"Will someone fill me in?" Kate demands. "I don't have the patience for this."

"The Watcher saw Patri-not's creation," Billy tells her. "It didn't happen in the future. It happened now, like, in the present day."

"So?"

"In a warehouse," David says numbly. "In New York."

David thought he won, that Tommy was his prize--but there are no prizes when all you're playing is pretend.

"And this has to do with Tommy?" Kate asks, and shoots America a helpless look. "Are you following any of this?"

America puts her hand on Kate's shoulder and looks gravely at David. "Tell me it's not what I think it is," she says. "Specifically,  _ where _ I think it is."

"There was one witness," David says, unable to comply with the request. His stomach is churning, but his mind feels disconnected from his body. His hands are heavy in his lap. "Me."

Kate frowns.

"No," Billy says. "No, no, no--that isn't right--it  _ can't _ be--" He shoves the phone back at Teddy, like that will change what the Watcher saw. "It's some freaky time travel shit, just like when we saw our future selves--it's a  _ lie _ \--"

"Then why did he disappear?" David asks quietly. "I backed him in a corner. I didn't mean to, but I'm sure Tommy wanted nothing more than to vanish that day. And he did."

"Are you talking about when Tommy was kidnapped by Patri-not?" Kate asks.

"No," David says. "I'm talking about when I told Tommy I loved him, right before he vanished."

"You did  _ what _ ?" Billy demands. " _ Already _ ?"

"It doesn't matter now," David says. He looks at America. He's pretty sure he can't handle looking at anyone else right now; he can't afford to see the expressions on their faces. The emotion will break him. "Tommy is Patri-not. He became Patri-not that day in the warehouse, and he's been hiding it this whole time. Or maybe he didn't realize. But it's him. And he's not some kind of noble savior, he's . . ."

"Oh my God," Billy says. "He's Wanda's son. He got Quicksilver's powers, but he's still Wanda's son."

A piece clicks into place. "Of course. Future Patri-not activated past Patri-not's secondary mutant gene," David says. "No wonder Tommy freaked out."

"And then didn't remember being kidnapped," Billy adds. "And he's been walking around like a ticking time bomb, just waiting for a catalyst to ignite his new powers."

"So . . . that's it?" Kate's voice is extremely small. "He's just . . . gone?"

They all look at David, like  _ he _ has any fucking answers. He was totally blindsided by this. He doesn't want to believe it's true--it's circumstantial, all of it--but. But.  _ But _ . 

"I'd," he says, and has to clear his throat, "I'd say it's likely. He's gone."

His bottom lip stings when he talks. He chewed a split into it.

The ringing silence in the room after he speaks is worse than any other type of grief. He wishes someone would cry, or get angry, or launch into a frenzied monologue about how  _ not _ true all of this has to be. Anything would be better than this.  _ This _ feels like a vigil.

The seconds stretch to minutes. No one says a word. Kate and America are holding hands. David's still too numb to move. Billy crosses his arms tightly, his mouth a straight, tense line. He looks the most like his brother when he isn't smiling. When Teddy swallows, the wet  _ ulp _ is audible to the whole room.

Reality creeps up on David like a slowly rising tide. His breath hitches and becomes unstable; his cold body prickles like it's awakening from paralysis. Tommy is gone. Not dead, but lost all the same, and this is it. This is the future David wasted all his time with Tommy dreading.

He didn't expect it to come so soon.

He didn't expect it to be so much of a fucking  _ joke _ .

It's not fair, but of course he should have caught on to that by now--nothing in his life is fair. Nothing works out the way it's supposed to; he just loses and loses and somehow always comes out of it still standing because that's the worst part of his entire life. That he has to keep going despite all of this.

Tommy is Patri-not. He doesn't want to believe it, but it makes sense. Billy and Tommy are twins; they mirror each other. It makes sense that Tommy would balance the Demiurge out--the devil to Billy's God. The shadow to his Peter Pan. What happened in the warehouse wasn't a kidnapping. It was an initiation. Those ominous words-- _ what you can't outrun _ \--were a benediction, rather than a warning.

But then . . . why bother with David? Why toy with him? Why lead him to believe the wrong one of them was Patri-not? Why badger him about his sexuality--seriously, in all of this, why is  _ that _ even part of the discussion?

_ If Patri-not is Tommy, _ he tells himself,  _ then ask--why would Tommy do it? Why would Tommy play those games with you? _

He doesn't know. He doesn't know half as much about Tommy as he thought. And now he'll never get a chance to learn.

"Fuck this!" Kate finally bursts out, and leaps to her feet. "I don't know about you losers, but fuck all of this--I've lost enough, I'm not losing Tommy, too!"

"What are we supposed to do?" Billy responds at once. His voice is as watery as his eyes. "We can't even  _ find _ him."

"We don't need to find him," she says. "We need to find Patri-not."

"Because that'll be easier than finding Tommy," he says sarcastically.

"We haven't been looking for Patri-not," she points out. "But what if, ever since he saw what Tommy became, the Watcher referred to him  _ as _ Patri-not?"

"You mean, it's been staring us in the face the whole time?" David asks. "Where Tommy is? And we didn't know because we were looking for the wrong alias?"

She spreads her hands. "I'm not giving up on one of my oldest friends," she says. "And if you really love Tommy, you'll fight for him, too. We're not letting him be this . . . entity thing, not now. Not without giving him any say in the matter. It's bullshit."

"And if it's as inescapable as everyone keeps telling us?" Billy asks.

Kate glares at him. "We're the Young Avengers," she says fiercely. "We don't do what we're told. Now suit up and grab your wallet--I'm stopping at Starbucks before we save the damn world."

"Actually, taking away the balance for Billy's power would put the world in more danger," David murmurs to Teddy.

"Are you saying you  _ don't _ want your boyfriend back?" Teddy asks, incredulous.

"I'm saying I'm working on a third option," David says. "But we'll need Loki."

"My four least-favorite words," Teddy sighs.

 

* * *

 

Generally speaking, David's first impulse is to run for the hills when Loki gets a twinkle in his eye. The god's been stirring up shit for  _ centuries _ ; he's an expert in the kind of chaos David spends most of his life trying to avoid. 

Loki sits back, a grin splitting his face from one ear to the other. He kind of looks like a goblin, albeit a goblin in a gold cape and emerald-studded Crocs. He didn't seem the least surprised when David and Teddy showed up at his New York apartment.

(Everyone and their patron saint has an apartment in New York.)

Now, in a living room that's entirely too clean to belong to the god of mischief, David thinks Loki knew this was going to happen all along. Or, at the very least, suspected it.

"You need my help," Loki gloats. "David Alleyne, begging for  _ my _ help."

"I wouldn't call it begging," David objects. "And try not to be a dick about it."

Loki snorts. " _ Being a dick _ is one of my godly powers," he brags. "No one is better than me at being a dick."

"You said it, not us," Teddy mutters. David resists the urge to high-five him.

"Anyway." Loki fixes his yellow-green eyes on David. "Why should I help you? Do you have any idea how behind you are on your work? I've had to write my own articles for  _ two weeks. _ "

"And I haven't gotten laid in twice that long," David says flatly. "You really want to pick that bone with me right now?"

"If it's boning you're after, I can help with that," Loki says. "You, too, big man." He winks at Teddy.

"Pass," Teddy says.

"I'd remind you how much you owe all of us, but I know you don't give a shit," David says. "And threats rarely work on you, unless they're of the America variety."

"I've noticed you left out my favorite ass-kicking space lesbian," Loki notes. "And Billy-boy. I miss them, they're fun."

"We can be fun," Teddy objects.

Loki gives him a disbelieving look and crosses one leg over the other, leaning back against his black velvet couch. His left Croc dangles off his foot, and he jiggles it absently like he wants it to fall.

"So I'm not going to cajole or threaten," David says, bringing the conversation back on track. "I'm just going to pay you."

Loki transfers his doubtful stare from Teddy to David. "You aren't serious," he says. "I'm a  _ god _ . What on this Earth could you possibly have--"

"Information," David says. "You're familiar with the Watcher, right? Well, I have his brain on a harddrive and I'm willing to share. Please tell me I don't have to explain the value of that to you."

He can feel Teddy's eyes on him, but he keeps track on Loki. They can bicker about the morality of his deal later, when Tommy's back. Or they can just not; David's pretty good at wriggling out of conversations he doesn't want to have, and Tommy's a hands-down expert.

"You have information on the Watcher," Loki says slowly. "Impossible. He's dead."

"You've been dead," David points out. "And I don't have info  _ on _ him. I have him, I have his brain, his secrets. They were transcribed to physical data. Log entries."

Loki's eyes twinkle. David's skin crawls. "How much are we talking?" the god asks.

"A terabyte," David lies calmly. He doesn't feel guilty lying to Loki; he imagines even the perpetually honest likes of Captain America and Nightcrawler have no qualms lying to Loki. "More than enough to keep you busy for the next century."

"More like the next five months," Loki scoffs, but he looks interested. Not that David really trusts anything about Loki's appearance or motives or hair or literally anything about him. "Suppose I agree. What guarantee do I have that you'll keep your word?"

David glances at Teddy and says, "Cover your ears."

Teddy warily obeys, and David turns back to Loki. "You really think I'm going to risk looking bad in front of this guy?" he asks. "You know how I feel about him."

Loki grins again. "And they say I'm the god of tricks," he says.

"You don't have to trust me, but trust Teddy. As much as you trust anyone," David says. "He won't let me double-cross you, no matter how much I'm tempted to."

"Trust Teddy, and believe in the motivation of a sweet ass to do the right thing?" Loki considers it. "Interesting angle. I would have appealed to my vanity by confessing undying love for me, if I were you, but . . . " He taps a finger against his lips. "This is also acceptable," he proclaims. "I will help."

David pulls Teddy's hands away from his ears. "He's agreed," he tells the other boy, like Teddy couldn't hear them perfectly well.

Teddy nods.

"So you'll meet us at the warehouse?" David asks, looking back at Loki. "You remember which one?"

"Don't insult my intelligence just because you're one of the few who can," Loki sniffs. "Of course I remember."

"Wow. Almost a compliment," David says, standing.

"What can I say? I have a soft spot for you," Loki says, and winks. "Come to me when it doesn't work out with the blond."

David waves him off, but the words have a sting of unintentional truth. Because Tommy was so horrified by the idea of David loving him that it triggered his latent powers and he went off to be some cross-dimensional monster rather than face his own (ex?) boyfriend.

He has to hand it to Tommy, though, it's a fairly epic way to dump someone.

Teddy catches his eye on the way out and shakes his head. David motions for him to stay quiet until they're outside.

"There's no way this will work," Teddy says, once their boots hit the sidewalk. It's New York, so they have no trouble walking down the street in full costume. A lady confuses Teddy for the Hulk and asks for an autograph, but otherwise, they're undisturbed.

"It will work," David says, waving away the misguided fan impatiently. "That's not what we should be worrying about. You need to brief Billy."

"I thought you didn't want to tell him," Teddy protests. "That's why you didn't bring him in on this even though it would have been way easier for him or America to teleport us."

"I didn't want him near Loki," David says. "I think you can agree that those two shouldn't hang out more than absolutely necessary. And yeah, if we'd told him beforehand that we were going to meet Loki, he would have stopped us. But this . . . imagine how he'll react if we blindside him with it."

Teddy scratches his neck. "That would be bad," he admits.

David shoots him a look over the rims of his glasses. "Bad? It could be the catalyst that spurs him into a lifetime of morally gray decisions, culminating in his evil self surfacing," he says, and then grimaces. "I hate that I just said that. I hate that this is our life now. I thought I left all this future-angst bullshit behind when I left the X-Men."

"Well, you didn't," Teddy says in a singsong voice. "Now let's try to keep  _ everyone _ from being evil in the future, shall we?"

"Go team," David mumbles, holding up his hand for a high-five. Teddy nearly snaps his wrist in half when he slams their palms together.

They split up. David hikes to the warehouse where Tommy first disappeared, and Teddy goes to pick up the others. When the two of them splintered from the group, Kate and her posse were researching a Patri-not sighting upstate, which gave David and Teddy the perfect opportunity to slip away. It's only a twenty-minute flight via Air Hulkling, which David wouldn't recommend for anyone who doesn't have a death wish. Some people, even if they can shapeshift themselves a pair of wings, really, really,  _ really _ belong on the ground.

The shipping center hasn't changed much since, almost a year ago now, David and Tommy first staked it out. It's still comically easy to break into, and it clearly hasn't seen any action since their initial conflict with the entity. David heard his old workplace closed down due to less-than-legal delivery methods. 

He doesn't have any physical evidence that it will be easier to contact Patri-not here. All he has is a gut feeling, but he trusts it. Humans pick out patterns where patterns don't, necessary, exist, but it's a human--or former human--who's orchestrated this. It should end where it began. It's only logical.

He looks around the crates and cardboard boxes still piled high around him, and swallows. It doesn't feel like long enough ago that he stood here with the Young Avengers, showing them the scene of the crime. He assumed that, eventually, he'd stop feeling like he had to prove himself to them. He's still waiting for that to be true.

He finds the exact spot where Tommy disappeared. It's one of those things he never intended to remember, but that branded itself in his mind regardless. He shuffles around to face the far wall, spreading his feet like he's Tommy, about to break into a run. Then he feels foolish and straightens, folding his arms and looking around. The others should be here soon, provided Teddy's done getting yelled at for all the things David talked him into doing.

David would have done this with or without Teddy's help. He could have gone to Loki without Teddy, of course; he could have done all of this alone. But he didn't have to. Teddy was the one who reminded him of that.

Circles. Connections. It all comes back to here, to one stupid stakeout. To the last thread that yanked the Young Avengers together, catapulted them across the multiverse, tangled them in a web that David's spent months trying to understand. Patri-not was trying to teach him something, something important, and David still doesn't know what the hell it was because all he's learned so far is that he'll do anything to get Tommy Shepherd back, and he already knew that the last time he stood in this warehouse.

"You're a fucking lunatic!"

The others have arrived, Wiccan leading the charge. He's bristling, clearly ready to fight David--exciting. David tightens his arms, determined not to fight back.

"You're angry, I can see that," he says calmly. "But you need to trust me--"

"I don't trust you!" Billy reaches him, cape flapping dramatically. "You're crazy, and so's this  _ plan. _ " He spits the word in David's face.

David bites back an eye roll at the superhero's dramatics. "It's not half as bad as Teddy's bungled explanation made it sound," he says patiently.

"How do you know I bungled the explanation?" Teddy asks, wounded.

"David, I'm the one who said we're getting Tommy back no matter what," Kate cuts in, "but come on. You're talking about breaking every rule of space and time."

"Because that's something we've never done before," David says sarcastically. "This is a solution."

" _ No _ , this is another problem!" Billy exclaims. "This is the kind of insanity that brought Mother to our dimension in the first place!"

"No,  _ you _ brought Mother to our dimension," David says. "And I've spent the last year cleaning up your mess, so you don't get to--"

"When have you  _ ever _ helped us?" Billy snaps, jabbing his finger at David's chest. "You didn't do anything to fix my mess, I fixed it on my own, with no goddamn help from you! All you did was take away my boyfriend, my brother--"

"Is this really the most productive use of our time?" America drones. "It's boring."

"I forgot, everything is about you," David says coldly, ignoring her. "You blaze through our lives like a tornado and all you can do is complain about how harsh the wind is. Heaven forbid you ever take responsibility."

"What do you think I've been doing?" Billy demands. "I  _ tried _ to make it up--"

"By doing what, exactly?" David retorts. "Making out with your boyfriend?"

"You can't get over it, can you?" Billy asks. "That he chose me over you."

Teddy holds up his hands. "Oh, please don't involve me," he says, sounding aghast. "I have nothing to do with--"

"This isn't about Teddy!" David snarls. "It's about  _ Tommy _ ! It's always been about Tommy, not you, not me, not Teddy or Kate or Loki or whoever the hell else you want to drag into your shit!" His hands are clenched in fists; he doesn't notice until he raises them and Teddy hisses in alarm, immediately stepping in front of Billy.

"Don't think about it," he warns, his blue-green eyes like twin chips of ice. "Lay a finger on him and I lay my fists on you."

David throws his hands up, whirling around and stalking to a safer distance. When he reaches the nearest crate, he pivots back around. "I'm not going to hit him," he snaps. "I want to, and he deserves it, but--"

"He's paid enough!" Teddy exclaims. "Are you ever going to stop punishing him?"

David would never expect Teddy to take his side over Billy's, but it stings nevertheless. He can see it in the others' faces; no one is on his side here.

He misses Tommy so much it physically hurts.

"I'm not looking to punish anyone," he says, quietly and carefully, reining in his temper. "I'm looking to bring Tommy back, because he never asked for any of this." He levels a look at Billy, certain that he's glaring but unable to talk his facial muscles into a friendlier expression. "And all I'm saying is, if you can break dimensional barriers to make your boyfriend  _ feel better _ , then I can do it to save the life of mine."

Billy glowers at him.

Kate shifts uncomfortably. "For the record, this still seems like a bad idea," she volunteers. "Even if you're getting Loki to do the dirty work this time, it's asking for trouble. Because you aren't just meddling with one or the other--you're talking about warping both space  _ and _ time."

"And bringing Tommy back," David says. "The Scarlet Witch has done it."

"I think we can all agree there are better role models than Wanda Maximoff," America says, crossing her arms. "And better people to ask for help than fucking  _ Loki _ ."

"Did someone say my name?" Loki asks, as if he was waiting for his name to crop up. Knowing the god, he probably was. He steps out from behind a shipping container, holding his arms out in a grandiose pose that would be more impressive if he wasn't still wearing Crocs. "Because if we're talking fucking up the multiverse, I'm your guy. God. Whichever designation you deem more appropriate, I'm flexible like that."

Billy facepalms and mutters, "I hate my life."

Teddy looks uncomfortable, and America cracks her knuckles. Even Kate the Unflappable wrinkles her nose at the idea of allowing Loki to mess with the multiverse again. It's not exactly the kind of thing they can proudly report to the Avengers. In fact, if any of the adults ( _ older _ adults, really) in their lives caught wind of this, they'd all be grounded or whatever the equivalent is for twenty-somethings who still really need adult supervision in their lives.

"I appreciate this," David tells Loki.

"Just build me a temple when you rule the world," Loki says, twirling his hand flippantly. "And, you know, uphold your end of the deal."

"You have our word," David says.

"What deal?" Billy asks. "Teddy didn't mention a deal."

Seriously? David shoots Teddy an annoyed look. The shapeshifter visibly shrinks.

"Later," David says. "Loki, what do you need?"

"Beside a bottle of vodka and some good, old-fashioned pagan worship?" Loki asks. "All of you to shut up and stop with the drama for five solid minutes." He frowns at Kate, in particular. "You do know how to shut your mouth, right?"

She scowls. America pulls her a few feet back, baring her teeth when Loki opens his mouth to say something else.

"One more jab and I send you through the door," she says, nodding at the door to the unloading bay. It's closed. David doubts she'll open it before carrying through with her threat.

He backs up as well, Teddy and Billy reluctantly following suit.

"I may need Billy's power," Loki adds, entirely too nonchalant. "We've shared before, so it should be--"

"Absolutely not," Teddy says sharply. "No. Nope. Not going to happen."

"What he said," Billy adds.

Loki looks at David. "I can find Tommy, but I can't bring him through any dimensions without additional power," he says. "Tell your wizard he isn't getting his brother back unless I get his power."

"I said it's not happening," Billy says. "I'm not even behind this plan, why the hell would I help, let alone help  _ you _ ?"

"Rude," Loki comments. "I'm starting to feel like I'm wasting my time--"

"Use Patri-not's," David says rapidly. "He can travel through dimensions, just use his power once you reach him. You can do that, can't you? Jean Gray can."

"Jean Gray can do a lot of things I'd never imagine possible," Loki says. "But yes, I can. Assuming your theory about Tommy and Patri-not is correct. If it isn't, all I'll be doing is bringing another enemy into your lives."

"That's what they're here for," David says, gesturing to the other Young Avengers.

"I'm starting to feel like a supporting character," Kate grumbles. "I'm the hero, dammit."

"Of course you are, Princess," America reassures her. "Don't worry--next week we'll focus on your drama. I'll help you kick Madame Masque's butt if you want. Or get a date with her . . . I'm honestly confused about which you'd rather."

"Me, too," Kate says.

Loki clears his throat. "About to do world-shaking magic, here?" he says. "If I could have your awed and respectful silence?"

Silence falls. Billy's still shooting daggers at David with his eyes, but he doesn't make a move to stop the process. Loki closes his eyes briefly, his body lighting up with magic like he just flipped a switch inside himself.

He glows green, and for a moment David understands how Loki was worshipped as a god. He's beautiful, when he's not lying, tricking, thieving, or otherwise screwing people over. David can also see how that would be pretty hard to get past if you were one of his followers.

The god says something in Old Norse, to the effect--as far as David can tell--of _Show me my fucking friend._

Whoever came up with the idea that spells are all flowery poetry and mystic phrases was delusional.

Loki opens his eyes again, staring unseeingly at David. He starts speaking more rapidly than David's untrained ears can decipher, his voice rising with each sentence. David's no magic expert, but he'd say this isn't the desired outcome of the spell, especially not when Loki flails his arms out, catching the side of a crate for support.

Billy rushes forward at once, ignoring Teddy's shout of, "Wait!". He grabs Loki's shoulders, and everything goes blindingly white.

David shields his eyes, knocking his glasses aside to grind his palms deep into his sockets; pressing hard enough to block out all the light; it _hurts_ , all of it. Billy's power. Loki's. The light sears like boiling water and his eyes scream from both the contact and the pressure of his hands.

And he falls down, down, down into the darkness behind his eyelids; like he did once upon a time when he fell into Motherland. Only this time, he's completely alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering what the heck I'm doing with the short chapters and Saturday update and time skipping well that makes two of us.


	12. ?

David is sitting. He thinks.

He comes around like he's being dragged out of sleep, slowing regaining awareness of himself and the world around him. His memories are sluggish; at first, he assumes he's in his apartment. He just has to open his eyes, and he'll see his big TV and bigger window and matchbox-sized bedroom.

Then he realizes his eyes are open, and all he can see is darkness.

"Hello?"

His own voice makes him flinch, but the darkness absorbs it almost at once, like he's in a teeny, tiny box. He reaches his hands out--he thinks. It feels like he does, but everything is so surreal that it might all be in his head. It's disorienting, especially when his exploring hands find nothing. He moves them down, searching for the ground he's sitting on--and then toward himself.

He comes up empty-handed. Literally.

He isn't here.

_Holy fuck._

He'd have a panic attack, but he doesn't have lungs. And yeah, he thinks he's sitting, he thinks it's dark--but maybe he's just dead.

_Think back,_ he orders himself. _What's the last thing you remember?_

Loki doing a spell. Billy interfering--or trying to help--honestly, most days it amounts to the same thing. Covering his eyes and then--being here.

Maybe it's not as bad as he thinks, he reasons. Maybe he just got teleported somewhere by accident. Maybe he's in one of the shipping crates. Maybe this is all a dream. There are several alternatives to death.

"Hello?" he calls out again, louder this time. Then, " _Hello?_ "

He'd swear he was yelling, but all that comes out is the same muted sound, like he's speaking through his pillow. There could be something wrong with his ears . . . if he could be in any way sure he still has them. He tries to grasp his own body again, and fails.

He could be paralyzed. That's a non-dead solution.

He loses track of how long he sits--floats-- _exists_ in the space. With no way of getting his bearings and nothing but his incredibly flawed perception of time to go by, he could have been here an hour or a day. It doesn't feel like it's been longer than that, but what does he know?

Not much. He can't begin to fathom where he is or how he ended up here, beyond the vague idea that it was Loki's fault. Or Billy.

_Billy did something. Billy did something big and it stretched out to stain--_

His own words come back to him.

The likelihood that he's dead and this is the afterlife doubles.

He tries to shut off his brain, which is always a laughable pursuit. The harder he tries to silence his internal monologue, the louder it sounds, until he starts vocalizing just for the hell of it. He hopes the sound of his own voice will keep him from going insane, but it doesn't seem likely given that he came into this already partly unhinged.

"--and when I was thirteen, I tried out for the soccer team because my parents were afraid I wasn't getting out enough," he says, letting whatever passes through his head come out of his mouth. "Looking back, I'm pretty sure they knew I was a mutant before I did--I mean, I exhibited _all_ the classic behaviors--but they let me come to them in my own time, and I appreciate that, I really do. It taught me to do the same for other people, like Tommy. God, the number of times I've let stuff go because I want Tommy to tell me when he's ready--it's just crazy."

He wonders, if Tommy knew anything about the Patri-not business, how long it would have taken the speedster to come clean. He'll never find out now.

"--and it's not that dying scares me," he says, "because honestly the idea of leaving the world is so much better than being the one to destroy it, and I've seen myself come very close to doing just that--"

He'll miss stuff, though. _Stuff_ : a noun, commonly used by teenagers and Tommy Shepherd to generalize activities they don't want to relate. Can refer to anything from calling your mother to mutant alien hybrid attacks to traveling back in time to catch the premiere of _Twilight_ because it was past your curfew the first time it came out.

_Stuff_ for David means his family, first. His team, second. And all the moments he never got with Tommy, third. There are people he really should have apologized to, Billy on top of that list. He has homework he never handed in to his professor. He can kiss a college degree goodbye at this point, anyway.

_Stuff_ is a good blanket term.

And he's not saying that Tommy is going to be the biggest regret he has, but it's up there. He'd at least like to know that Loki was able to bring him back, to shatter the boundaries of the realities separating their world from the one Patri-not inhabits. That was David's big plan; rather than rescue Tommy or try to change him into not-Patri-not, just open the door. Invite him back. Hope that some scrap of Tommy still remained in the non-body in Eli Bradley's old suit.

It's kind of a shit third option, now that he has endless amounts of time to consider it. Doomed to failure. It's not so shocking that Billy was against it; for one thing, none of them would know if Loki's work would invite _other_ nasties into their dimension again until it was too late.

Now, if it's too late, David won't be there to fix the boo-boo--and it's a boo-boo of his own making. He can't blame Billy for this one.

And fuck, all that time spent being resentful and wary of Billy Kaplan when David isn't the Demiurge's balance or sworn enemy or whatever function Patri-not serves; all that time playing up his Voldemort side only to discover he's just Draco fucking Malfoy and his biggest crime is his own cowardice.

What a waste.

"It was all pointless," he says aloud. "Is that what you were trying to get me to realize?"

Somewhere along the way, he shifted to talking to Patri-not. It's about as logical as any of this.

"There's no point in fighting. I'm just fucked." Pause. "I wish I could have fucked Tommy. All things considering, it's trivial, but . . . dammit, I wanted a whole life with you! A whole life of Taco Tuesdays and chaos and--I mean, honestly, would it have killed you to ask me to come with you? I wouldn't have bothered you. _Just once?_ "

It feels good to say, so he repeats it, yelling or at least indulging in the fantasy of yelling. It all sounds the same to his ears.

" _Just once?!_ "

ASK ME.

Something _snaps_ , loud and close by. The darkness folds itself up like an origami crane and tucks itself in Patri-not's pocket and David blinks in the sudden light, absolutely confused.

He has a body. He's standing on an island of grass, in a sea of whiteout. Patri-not is standing less than a pace away, still cracking with the energy of the collapsed dimension, or wherever David was.

"What the hell?" David asks. It seems like the appropriate reaction, here. Because, really, _what the hell?_

Patri-not holds out his hand. Doesn't say a word.

"What's going on? What kind of game is this?" David demands.

The entity shakes his head slowly, side to side. Like a listing ship.

And David remembers, then, that it's Tommy. He stares at the blue suit and the empty eye holes and the electricity sparking over the fabric, outlining where Patri-not's arms and legs and torso would be.

He remembers pushing Tommy onto his bed, how Tommy opened up to him without a second thought, even though they'd been in a spat.

He remembers that Tommy's always been open to him, regardless of how many times the speedster's run away. All of the rejection David feared; the not wanting to box Tommy in, not wanting to ask for anything permanent, not even wanting to ask where he's been; it was all in David's head. Tommy wanted to be his boyfriend, even if he didn't love David- _-yet._

Sure, he fled, but Tommy's always come back. And David promised he would wait.

He swallows. "Tommy?"

The entity gives no sign of hearing. It stands impassive, still holding out its hand.

David's never held hands with Tommy before. Does it count like this? He's not even sure--not 100%--that it _is_ Tommy. And if it is--

"You ran," he says.

The entity cocks its head, as if to say _so_?

David—David's afraid. This is scary, this not-knowing, this uncertainty, this clear choice put in front of him.

_Choose wisely_.

He still doesn't understand. All he has are guesses, and speculation, and the fear that he'll never see Tommy again. He has no idea if this is the right path or if he's long dead or what's going to happen next. Even if he somehow manages to drag Tommy back, how does he know Tommy will want to be with him? Because last David checked, Tommy chose being a supernatural mindfuck over being loved by David and that's pretty big. That's pretty bad.

So?

What's he supposed to do, zap himself home? He can't. He could walk or run or, hell, probably fly, but he knows that's meaningless here, in the here that is not-here. Pointless to go anywhere. The only real thing is him, and the entity.

Choose? He doesn't have a choice. That's the whole point of this venture. The thing he was trying to fight won. The future he was trying to escape is _now_. He said as much to Teddy; why can't he believe the words himself? Why keep fighting?

He stares into the entity's blank eyes, and wishes for green.

Then he clasps its hand in both of his and does something he'd pretty sure has never been done in the history of great showdowns, even that weirdly sexually charged one between Magneto and Professor X in the eighties.

He pulls the bad guy into a hug.

"I don't know if you're in there, you great walking disaster," he mutters, "but I made a promise, so. I still love you. This doesn't change anything."

In the millisecond before he blacks out again, he thinks he hears Tommy's voice—as if from a great distance—saying, "Stupid fucker. It changes _everything_."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters but let's be real they're mostly fluff. Thanks sooooooooooooooo much for reading!!!!!


	13. ?

David opens his eyes and knows immediately that he's been asleep for a while. His neck is stiff. His muscles all but creak when he moves. His first thought is an annoyed one: he must have forgotten to set his alarm.

Then he remembers. The warehouse. Loki. Patri-not.  _ Tommy _ . 

He bolts upright, ignoring the grating sensation of his muscles pulling against each other and sending spurts of pain down his sides and hips. His feet are on the floor before he's gotten his covers completely off; his left leg tangles in one of his blankets, and he drags it away impatiently.

He notices that he's back in his apartment, in his tiny, big-windowed room with the flatscreen TV at the foot of his bed, but it's just a footnote in his consciousness as he hits the doorframe, lunging out of the room.

There's a clinking, clanking noise coming from the kitchen, like someone making breakfast—and David knows those clinks and clanks. He doesn't know anyone else who makes that much racket, in those specific ways, and maybe it's weird to know someone by their din but David does.

He barrels into the kitchen with no regard for his self-respect; he doesn't care how he looks. He just needs to lay eyes on Tommy.

Tommy's standing at the stove, pushing eggs around in a pan, dressed in sweatpants and one of David's long-sleeved college shirts. He glances up when David skids in, just in time to see David catch the side of the table in his haste.

He smirks. "Morning, Lady Grace."

Bless him and his sarcasm and his eggs and his shameless appropriation of David's wardrobe—David crashes into him with a hug, mindful of the stove as he pushes Tommy backwards with the force of his weight.

"Whoa," Tommy chuckles, grabbing David by the waist, and then, quieter, " _ Whoa _ ."

"Oh my God," David says, his face firmly buried in the nape of Tommy's neck, which smells like sweat and basil and all things Tommy. "I was so fucking  _ scared _ , you idiot."

Tommy's hands are tight on his waist, steadying him. Steadying both of them. He uses the grip to push David away, but doesn't let go. "How much do you remember?"  
"How mu--" David almost dismisses the question, but he  _ did _ wake up with no idea how he got here, so. "The last thing I remember is hugging Patri-not," he says. "Were you—was it you?  _ Is _ it you?"

Tommy looks uncomfortable.

David remembers, all too late, that the last time he saw Tommy-who-was-really-Tommy, they'd been in the middle of something. The weight of their unfinished business is heavy enough to push him those last few inches out of Tommy's hands, fleeing to the relative safety of the cupboard. He takes out a couple plates.

Tommy goes back to pushing eggs around in the pan. It's all very normal.

David wonders where America is. Still back at the warehouse? Is it possible that, like some twisted Christmas Carol, this was all over in one night? Or—he considers the more unpleasant possibility—has it been longer than that? The kind of longer that involves America moving out and their friends moving on and possibly the one phone call he never wants his parents to receive.

Tommy shovels the scrambled eggs between two plates, and David steals a glance at the Grumpy Cat calendar. He's the only one who cares enough to scratch red Xs over each completed day, so the calendar is no help.

His cell phone isn't in his pocket, because he  _ has _ no pockets. He's in his pajamas. 

"Do you know what happened?" he asks Tommy, as they sit at the table. He's ravenous. For once, he digs in like he's a speedster, fork clanking across the plate, splattering egg water across the tabletop in his haste to get the food where it belongs—in his mouth.

Tommy is also inhaling his breakfast, but he pauses long enough to say, evasively, "Enough."

And David knows enough to know that tone, and to know that he won't get any more from Tommy until he's ready.

So he eats, and he mulls over what he knows about what happened, and he tries to make it add up. And because he's David Alleyne and he has one of the biggest fucking brains in the world, it doesn't take long for him to come up with a few theories.

He gets up to boil water for coffee, and ditch his plate in the empty sink. He thinks he remembers dirty dishes being there, the last time he was in this apartment, so America—or someone—has been around to do that much. Looking out the window, he notes the snow on the ground and permanently abandons his "done in one night" theory.

Tommy clears his own plate, then stands next to David. His fingers tap the counter, but otherwise, he's still.

David endures it for as long as he can, which isn't long at all; not with Tommy's heat just inches from his own skin, not with the months of separation between them, not with the questions pounding away at David's skull. 

"Tommy--" he begins.

"I'm Patri-not," Tommy blurts out, then, "Well. I guess you've figured that much out."

"Did you know?" David asks. "I mean, when we . . . when you . . . I mean,  _ before _ ."

Tommy shrugs. His fingers are still dancing around, and he watches them instead of anything else. Instead of David.

He won't talk about it, like he won't talk about his time in Motherland. And maybe those two things are connected; maybe Tommy knew all along, not what David would become, but what Speed was already becoming.

David still loves him. He loves Tommy so much it hurts.

He touches the back of Tommy's hand. Tommy stops fidgeting for half a second, then turns to face David, pulling at his shoulder.

He cups the back of David's head, and David goes willingly; he doesn't care why Tommy wants to kiss him now, even if it makes no sense. He meets Tommy's mouth and breathes deeply, catching the smell of home. It's very, very hard not to press closer, to take control—but he isn't sure, and for once he's thinking while Tommy's in his arms. He's remembering that Tommy said  _ I don't love you _ , and he's remembering that Tommy came back anyway, and he's remembering the promise he made, to wait.

Waiting has more than one meaning.

He steps back before Tommy can. Letting go of the other boy is like walking away from that Harvard scholarship; his brain screams that he's an idiot, but his heart, well. He knows he's doing the right thing.

"I know you don't want to," he says, fighting to keep his voice from betraying any emotion because that's the surest way to drive Tommy away, "but we have to talk."

The muscles of Tommy's face tighten.

"It doesn't have to be scary," David says. "It's just me, Tommy. I'm not going to pry. We don't have to make it a big deal."

"The fact that you think we have to decide to talk in order to talk makes it a big deal," Tommy says, and presses his lips in a thin, white line. David wants to kiss away the tension, to pry open Tommy's mouth and lap at it until it's plush and swollen and red again.

"It doesn't have to be," David repeats.

Tommy glances away. He drums the counter. "I don't know what you want me to say," he says, quickly, like he's afraid the words will escape if he doesn't let them out on his own terms. "You want me to talk about what happened? I don't know what the hell happened. I don't know who I am. I'm falling apart, I've been falling apart for months, and I don't—I can't—you make me solid again, David. You keep me  _ here _ . And I feel like that's really, really important." 

He meets David's eyes. His expression is raw. He looks scared and hopeful and about to run.

"I want to stay here," he says. "And I can't promise I will." He swallows. "I think . . . maybe . . . you'll have to come get me sometimes."

It's David's turn to grab the counter, not using it as a drum but as a support, as something real in this conversation about things that grow increasingly unreal with each word. He's not sure if they're talking physical or metaphysical, Tommy or Patri-not, best friends or boyfriends, but he's starting to think the distinctions no longer matter. That those divides went out the window the second David realized there was no choice.

"I could go with you," he says, and then amends because he wasn't clear enough, "I  _ want _ to go with you."

"David," Tommy mutters, but that's all. He doesn't argue or agree or do anything; he just looks like he's breaking, a little bit, pieces of Mother and Patri-not and the alley where he stood before David looking like a ghost of himself, all those months ago bleeding through.

The coffee maker beeps. David forgot he put it on.

Grateful for something to do, he moves to the machine and takes the pot out. Tommy has the mugs ready before he's lifted the lid; he pours the hot coffee into their mugs, the steam clouding his glasses for a disorienting half-second. When he can see again, Tommy's back by the sink, his hands wrapped around his mug.

David sets the pot back on the warmer and picks up his own cup.

They have coffee in silence. The liquid gets cooler and cooler, the closer David gets to the bottom, so by the time he's running his tongue over his teeth, feeling the residue of the not-quite dregs, the drink is basically iced.

They've been here for at least an hour without contacting anyone, without making any attempts to figure out how long they've been gone, aside from David's glance out the window.

The floor is cold under his bare feet.

"Did you teleport us here?" he asks, setting his empty mug down. "Can you do that?"

"I think I can," Tommy says, looking at the mug. David blinks; the dish is in the sink. Just like that.

Tommy sighs, like all of this is a big hassle. "I don't think I'm running anymore," he says, and for a minute David thinks he's being metaphorical and then he sees Tommy make a funny little gesture with his hands, a gesture that somehow—despite being nonsense—makes David understand that Tommy means his superpowers. "Not that I was running before, just warping time and—well, you know the story."

"You can't run?"

"More like, I don't have to," Tommy says, and then he's not there any more.

David freezes, his heart speeding up in a panic. "Tommy!"

"In here," Tommy calls, from down the hall. David tears out of the kitchen; Tommy's standing in the doorway to David's bedroom, a resigned look on his face.

"What the fuck?" David demands.

Tommy shrugs. "So that's something," he says casually, and David wants to throttle him but he also wants to fuck him and it's confusing.

All of this is confusing. Tommy is Patri-not but somehow still Tommy, and that wasn't supposed to happen, and David can't figure out if this is all over or the ax is still hanging over their heads. He moves down the hall, past Tommy and into his bedroom.

He needs his laptop. He needs the Watcher data. He needs someone else to make sense of this mess, because hell if he can. Tommy leans in the doorway, watching him tear apart his room.

The laptop isn't here. He thinks his cell phone is gone, too, but then he finds it in the pocket of a pair of pants on his floor. Since he's fiddling with his clothes anyway, he gets dressed. His phone battery is dead; he finds the charger in his nightstand and plugs it in, sitting on the floor next to the socket.

Tommy sits next to him. "What are you doing?"

"Calling our friends," David says. "Hoping they know more about what's going on than I do."

"I know what's going on," Tommy says.

"Well, you aren't talking," David snaps, and Tommy seizes his wrist. His fingers are tight enough to pinch David's skin.

He holds David's gaze. David waits for some kind of explanation, but he doesn't get one. Tommy's face is terrible and intense and pained and he's biting his lower lip hard enough that David's afraid he'll draw blood.

"What?" David asks. "Should I  _ not _ call them?"

"Wait," Tommy says, which is probably the first time that word has ever left his mouth. "Not yet."

He leans forward, putting his other hand on David's thigh, and kisses him. "Wait," he repeats, his breath caressing David's mouth.

David shivers.

Tommy's trying to distract him.  _ Again _ .

A part of David is disappointed. He thought they'd moved past this.

The rest of David is telling him, on no uncertain terms, that he'll have a mutiny on his hands if he doesn't take the bait. It doesn't matter why Tommy wants to kiss him— _ Tommy wants to kiss him. _ All other arguments are invalid.

David fists his hand in Tommy's hair, yanking him forward. Their mouths slam together, and it's not pretty or gentle, but it's still  _ Tommy _ and that's all David really cares about. Tommy releases his wrist, and David grabs the waistband of Tommy's sweatpants.

"Don't beat around the bush or anything," Tommy mutters, pulling away for half a second. David follows him, pushing him down, covering his mouth again.

No. He's not beating around the bush. He drags Tommy's pants down, ignoring the way they tangle around Tommy's calves, and kisses a sloppy path down Tommy's ribs. He's all intent, focused on Tommy's body, on recapturing their old paths, but his mind isn't completely on board.

Maybe it's the suddenness. Maybe it's the months away. But David is thinking, and the thinking isn't good. What the hell is he doing?

Tommy smells like something stale and musty, not like himself at all. Like he's been packed away for years and only just got taken out of storage, and that—more than anything else—slows David down. He can't explain this feeling, except that it's a little like his heart is breaking and a lot like he's lost his mind and finally knows it.

He lays his head on Tommy's stomach, closing his eyes tightly. His hands are on Tommy's sides, and he's afraid to let go or look up.

"Just tell me," he says. "Whatever it is, let's just . . . face it. Please."

He feels Tommy's hands on the back of his head, and for a minute he thinks Tommy is going to dismiss him, push him further down, demand they continue—and then Tommy's stomach heaves with a sigh, and David knows the fight is over.

"I've been waiting for months," Tommy says. "I knew you'd come out . . . he'd— _ I'd _ \--let you out."

David sits up. "You've been . . . waiting," he says slowly. "What about the others?"

Tommy sits, too. He doesn't avert his eyes, but he looks like he wants to. "Fighting," he says. "Those demons that hunted me, that drove me out of my apartment? They were only the beginning. Soon after the warehouse, the shit hit the fan . . . turns out Billy let in a  _ lot _ of nasties when he invited Mother here. A lot more than we realized."

He pulls his legs in, folding them. "So Billy leveled up again," he says, too nonchalantly to be genuine. "Assumed the role of god, or whatever. Which meant it was my time to play ball." He twirls a hand, and David half expects him to bow.

It hits David, then.

"I missed it," he says. "I missed the grand finale." They had their big, final battle without him--he can't believe he got sidelined. He always thought that, when the whole Battle of Five Armies or however it would play out _actually played out_ , he'd be there. Maybe causing it, maybe stopping it, but _there_. 

Tommy shrugs. "It wasn't a big deal," he says. "Not really what I was expecting, actually. This being Patri-not thing . . . I'm still kind of new at it? But my future self keeps popping by, telling me what to do. Sometimes I actually listen."

David doesn't know what to say. Healways thought it was him, that the hero—or villain, however you wanted to paint it—of this story was him. He doesn't know how to handle a world where it's not.

 

 

"See, this is why I didn't want to talk about it," Tommy says, scratching his head, fingers scraping through white-blond hair. "It's weird. It's too weird for you. I get it."

 

"No," David says at once. "But . . . you're a bad guy, now?"

"I'm what I need to be," Tommy says evasively. "I try not to hurt people."

Which isn't the same thing as actually not hurting people. David takes that in, asks himself how he feels about it. Decides there isn't enough information to make that call yet. He doesn't know how far Tommy's gotten.

"I thought you gave yourself up," David says. "Lost your identity. Became pure energy—all that jazz."

Tommy looks uncomfortable. "It doesn't work that way," he says. "It's a path. And everything we've seen—all the future stuff we weren't fucking supposed to know in the first place—those are just pit stops. Places we go to on our way to becoming . . ." he trails off, either because he doesn't know or because he's not up for sharing, and David's had enough of this revelation crap; he's not going to pry.

"So sometimes Billy is evil," Tommy goes on, winding his fingers together, "and sometimes it's me. Sometimes we're alone, sometimes we have a team, it's just . . ." he shrugs. "This is life, David. It doesn't matter that Patri-not tried to shape it, it's just happening the way it's happening. Does that make sense?"

Maybe. David isn't sure, yet. He guesses that's because he's on a path, too, and he isn't anywhere close to the end of it.

"I think so," he says. "But what now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well . . ." David spreads his hands, helplessly. He's not sure how to articulate it, but he has this feeling like . . . wasn't there a problem? Wasn't he supposed to fix something, save something, be a Young Avenger and make everything right again?

He can't figure out what part of this is wrong. And Tommy's acting like it's no big deal.

"I guess I don't know," he says. "I don't know what to do next. I don't know what to make of this." He gestures between the two of them. "I don't have a fucking clue. I'm not used to that."

Tommy gives him a small, hesitant smile. "Oh, fuck off," he says. "You're David Alleyne. You always know what to do."

David cocks his head. "You know what, Tommy? Do me a favor in this brave, new world and quit lying to my face."

Tommy looks taken aback for half a second; then he grins, and promises he will, and does his level best to kiss the scowl off David's face.

 


	14. December

It's been a hell of a learning curve.

David wouldn't have thought that dropping out of the picture for three months ( _ only _ three months, Tommy made it sound like fucking  _ years _ ) would change much, not after the seven months prior had flown by without any major changes, but when the Young Avengers shake things up, they do it  _ fast _ .

Kate and America are living together, so there's that. Billy and Teddy broke up again, got back together, and are still living at the Kaplans. They're also harboring Noh-Varr, who managed to piss of an entire race of genetically modified space-beavers when he was flitting around the atmosphere. He helps Loki with his detective agency, which is thriving because Teddy— _ oh, fuck you, Teddy— _ gave David's laptop to Loki. 

David still wants to throttle Teddy for that one. He never intended for Loki to have  _ all _ of the Watcher's data. But. Spilled milk.

And other things happened. Keds released a new line of nature-themed footwear. David's rocking a leaf-patterned pair as he mounts the steps to Kate's new-old apartment, which she inherited from Clint Barton after he split town.

The Hawkeyes are notoriously flaky.

David doesn't know jack squat about the luck of guys who wear leaf-patterned Keds, but he thinks—if they're anything like him—then they're trying to keep an open mind about the future. They're trying to have faith in little things like team get-togethers and the dopey look on Billy's face as he stands on his toes to dangle a kissing ball over Teddy's head.

Guys in leaf-patterned Keds, David learns, no longer give a fuck about when or where Teddy Altman kisses his boyfriend, or whether or not Teddy wants him to be happy. David isn't happy, thanks for asking, but he's gunning for it. He'll get there eventually.

Kate's got the flatscreen television on in the living room, playing the New Year's performance in Times Square. Some guy in a peacoat is singing a bluesy rendition of a song David's never heard, same as last year, same as the year before it. Kate's head is on America's shoulder.

Last year at this time, David was freezing cold and arguing with Loki on a hillside. Now, the god waves lazily at him from the couch, drinking something bright pink and laughing at one of Kate's jokes. He isn't one of them, probably never will be, but he's not an outsider any more, either. David's pretty sure that's an important distinction.

He passes through the apartment like a restless spirit, knowing who he's looking for but putting off the finding, at least for now. He circles back around to Billy and Teddy, chatting idly with them. He meets the old Young Avengers, ruddy-cheeked Cassie and buttoned-up Eli, who turned out just because Kate asked them to. He learns that, last year, Eli was in Wisconsin and Cassie was dead.

Their world is strange.

Finally, he ventures out of the apartment and up to the roof, where he knows Tommy is waiting.

Bundled up in a puffy winter jacket, Tommy is leaning against the fire escape where he and David sat once, back when it was July and everything was different. But David has the same butterflies in his stomach as he approaches, so he thinks the fundamental things have stayed the same.

"Happy New Year," he says, when he reaches Tommy, and he still doesn't ask where Tommy's been or what he did when he was there; he still keeps those questions under wraps, but not because he's worried he'll scare Tommy away. He just doesn't need to know.

He's not used to this not-fixing thing. It feels wrong. It's entirely possible he'll give up the endeavor in a few months, and go back to meddling and worrying and trying to control the whole damn world; but that's in a few months. That's not today, tonight, when it's cold and Tommy's body is warm as David pulls him in.

Tommy kisses him, makes his lips burn. Smiles. That part of Tommy hasn't changed.

"How is it, down there?" he asks.

"Boring," David says. "Everyone misses you. You should come done."

He remembers Kate's not-birthday party, and expects a refusal.

"In a minute," Tommy says. "Something I want to do first."

"What?" David's mystified, at least until Tommy pushes up the sleeve of his coat and holds his arm between them, looking at his watch. "Seriously?"

Tommy smiles. "I lied," he says. "It'll be two minutes, forty-five seconds."

David leans his forehead against Tommy's, both of them eyeing the watch between them. The seconds tick by in silence, punctuated by their mingled breath. David's ears are almost numb by the time the final countdown begins. He and Tommy both chant the numbers under their breath, giving way to chuckles by how dorky they sound.

"Three, two, one," Tommy says, bringing them home. "Happy New Year."

His watch ticks to 12:00am. David kisses him.

And everything is just . . . right.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have now arrived at the end of the story. Please be sure to gather all of your emotional baggage and carry it with you as you exit the webpage. And, as always, thank you for reading.
> 
> :)


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